There Is A Fellow Interested In Me And...

[scout86]

If HE is an "ok person", he's not going to have a problem with not rushing in to things. He's going to be concerned about YOU and YOUR well being, not just getting what ever it is he wants for himself. If he has a problem with taking things slow at this stage of the game, I'd consider that to be such a huge red flag as to be a deal breaker.

As far as your SS benefits go, if memory serves me correctly, there's an age where you CAN remarry without it effecting your benefits, but I don't remember what it is. You can also drawn based on your new spouse's earnings, I think. But check with the SSA web site, or someone who does this kind of stuff often and is more familiar with it.

Personally, I think it takes quite awhile to really get to know someone. And you should get to know them before you marry them. And they should get the chance to get to know you. Enjoy the process!

 

[Justmehere]

Don't let Medicare or SSI hold you back from pursuing a relationship with anyone. That's all stuff that can be worked through.

It's good to think ahead, and to know what long term relationship options you are ready for and not. However, don't forget to think through what it would be like to date! It's just as important to plan for life dating as it is for something big like marriage.

Which brings me to this question, is there anything besides insurance issues holding you back from going on a date together? Seeing what it would be like to be more than friends?

Edited to add: as far as SSI and Medicare goes, call an elder law attorney. Most will do free consults and they know of ways to keep benefits while married or how to best handle something like that. Don't reduce your meds out of fear of losing SSI and Medicare. There are options through organizations like Needymeds.com but I don't think you will need to go that far. There is the option as well to be common law married. But... go in a date first. If you are meant to be together, it will be in part because working out all these issues and all the other problems that happen in life is something you two can navigate together.

 

[Changing4Best]

Well, he was in church today and he took communion, so I was very encouraged. None the less, I am in the choir so I could not sit with him, and he left right after the sermon was over, so I didn't have a chance to speak with him at all or invite him to lunch, or would that have been too forward of me? I am going to have to learn how to take things SLOWLY! I sure there is some kind of art to it. Suggestions on how to go about this would be very much appreciated!

Also, I went to the SSA administration's site and wrote a request for information. This way they have no SS # to associate with my question, don't want to tip them off to anything, in case there would be a problem. It is just my email address that they have.

 

[Justmehere]

Going slowly is like mindfulness - focus on this moment, this day, and the next step.

It's not too forward to ask him to lunch! You could even call him now and ask him, or wait until you see him again.

A lot of times, people go too fast because there is fear behind it, because slow seems more stressful and scary. It's hard to go slow, I'm with you in it. You may need to keep looking at why you go fast, and what specifically is hard about going slow.... but I think you are on your way to going slower, just by the way you are thinking steps through more.

 

[Changing4Best]

Thanks. I needed that. When I get some cudos, and some good advice, it really helps. Oh, and by the way, he's a vet, so he might even have PTSD, who knows! (Gosh, I kind of hope not though, as 2 folks with it could be troublesome!)

 

[Fadeaway]

When remarrying, you lose your SSI not your SSD or medicare, and only if his income exceeded the allowance. If he is on SS, then you probably wouldn't lose your SSI. The allowance is ball park $1,029. I called and asked before I got remarried. I told them it was a hypothetical.