Things My Kids Do

[seraphimfelldown]

My husband asked my daughter if she was a baby. She said "No I'm a pretty girl" (she's 14 months old)

 

[popeye]

AH HA!!! Well remember my last post about the capsaicin cream? Well this time it was the kids. I have a locked nightstand drawer in my bedroom and I usually lock the bedroom door. Well this morning I was in a rush trying to get things for the fund raiser coming up on sunday done. So not only did I forget to lock the door but I forgot to lock the drawer. I had put the cream on first thing in the morning and yes I washed right after but I just tossed the stuff in the drawer put my sling on and headed out for the day. No problems all day long I even came back to the house after running about a million errands and helped cook dinner plus therapy and everything. So I finally head up stairs to the bedroom for some much needed relaxation time watching some tv. The kids are in their room watching benji and everything is right with the world.

Next thing I know I hear my oldest girl screaming at the top of her lungs. For a second I didn't react because this is actually a usual thing when those to go to bed. Then I heard her say "it burns" I sprung into action. I rushed to her room and her eyes were closed saying "daddy I can't see!" I rushed her to the bathroom and start running water on her eyes before i even knew what in the heck they had gotten into. I send my son into the room to investigate what they got into and the wife to come help. After a few seconds the other girl emerges from the room with red marks on her face. I tried to spare her the eye pain so I tossed her in the tub as well. 20 minutes of the kids screaming because it burns and finally the older one opens her eyes and it doesn't burn anymore. THANK GOD!!! the baby didn't get it as bad because I got most of it off before it got in her eyes. Any way kids are fine even had the doctor check them out after everything calmed down. I just have to watch for any blisters on the 3 year old's back aka the baby but I just checked her again and all the red marks are gone.

There is some good that came out of this though. They both swore to me that they will never go into my room again!!! Plus I learned always lock the frigging door.

 

[popeye]

This morning I woke up at 6 am with the kids still sleeping. Since they usually get up around 7 I took the time to take the dog out for a short walk. Now mind you I am currently in my parents house and they left town for 4 days. So with one dog acting the guard I took my new puppy out for a walk. I didn't plan on being out for long just about 5 minutes to stretch the dogs legs. Well we came back into the house and i noticed the girls were not in the dining room sleeping where I had left them.

I called out for them and I heard running and someone say hide. I stepped into the kitchen and witnessed a disaster of epic proportions. All 3 brand new cereal boxes were completely empty and all over the floor. The new gallon of milk seemed to have been opened and then set on it's side. The entire bag of sugar was also dumped on the floor. there were 2 bowls one with milk and 2 spoons in it. The other with dog food and a spoon sitting on top of the pile. The guard dog apparently just guards the house not the kids.

 

[intothelight]

Popeye,

This post just brightened my whole day. I know it can be frustrating when they do these things, but it is really humorous. Mine put their plastic food in the real microwave. Not only did it start a fire, but it destroyed the microwave, the the house smelled like burned plastic for weeks.

The best part of all, is remember they will have children of their own some day, and that will be such sweet revenge.

 

[popeye]

Well my wife and I apparently have the strangest sense of humor. We had gone to Mcdonald's awhile back and my kids got these little strawberry short cake toys. While attempting to exit the car my 3 year old was shouting that she left her toy in the car. I told my son to please get the toy. When he asked me what toy I could not for the life of me remember the name strawberry short cake. So in my wisdom I blurted out get her Suzie Smells Bad or whatever that thing is.

Now today my wife tells me I got a phone call from someone. She couldn't remember his last name so on a piece of paper written by the phone she wrote down.... Randy Rectum.

Now we have our porn names, Wife is Suzy Smells Bad, I am Randy Rectum. what a fun life.

 

[AdamAnt]

uhh....hmmmmmm.....speechless! HA!

 

[popeye]

So yesterday on the way home from my mother's house the kids made some interesting comments.

My son had asked me if I had ever made a tunnel in the snow. I told him yes I did but it was very unsafe. He asked how is it unsafe and I told him that it could collapse on you like it did to me when i was 7 years old. He said this winner in response to that. "you had a tunnel collapse on top of you? Did you live?"

My daughter for some reason after all was quiet in the car blurted out. "Daddy! I still have my brain! I didn't lose it!"

I love these kids. it's so much fun that they don't even realize they are making me laugh.

 

[amethist]

Yesterday I had to walk away from my husband with a very straight face.

I had set the tap running for a bath for him, added some essential oils, dropped his Tubtanic plug, submarine, ducks and water pistol in (Lets not go there with this one, inner child and all that). I left him to it at this point, all he had to do was turn the tap off and get in.

This was my time to have half an hour or so sorting our evening meal out in peace. Yea right.

A few minutes later he yelled for me to go up, this was a panic yell. I thought SPIDER in the bath

. No not that, he was in a panic as he could not turn the tap of, the water would not stop.

We have a mixer tap and I had only put the hot side on, so there's me wondering how the heck he could have broken it. so after turning hot tap both ways and no change to the flow of water, I decide to try the cold. Yep you got it, he had put the cold tap on and forgotten. In about 2 minutes, oh boy what a memory he has.

I just turned and walked out of the bathroom with a straight face, leaving a very embarrassed husband to carry on with his childish game of sink the ducks and shoot the submarine.

Amethist

 

[Marie E.]

My kids amaze me as they can argue and fight in between about 10 min apart like they are killing each other!! Other times they are so quiet that I have to check on them to see if they are alive. I love my kids, the drive me nuts, but they are my source of comfort as well

 

[popeye]

You know my wife and I were watching bill cosby today and it made me think. Of all the things my kids have done I could be a stand up comedian telling their tales. And the funny part is they are still very young. Ones from my son are like the shoe box story, the fly fishing story, the juice box, and one I don't think I have told you all about yet.

Now this was when my wife and I had first moved in together before the middle child was born. We had spent a long night at a friends house with my son and we had overslept a little. It was probably only 8 30 by the time we got up but still for this child you cannot wake up early enough.

So I get up and I wander quietly to the kitchen hoping not to wake anyone else up because I knew they were up late. Now you have to understand this is the age before the 3 of them we just had 1 child so the house was pretty clean almost all of the time and a tiny little 2 bedroom place that it's hard to hide in. So anyway I got up first thinking to be nice and make some coffee for my wife and I. I get to the kitchen and I notice the cabinets are open. The fridge door was stuck open and there were slices of cheese on the floor. At this point I become interested as to where the boy is.

As I get closer to his bedroom door I smell something almost like toast. And here he is hiding under his bed with half a pack of toasted lunchables. The George foreman grill sitting on the floor next to his bed and giggling like this is a normal day in the life of Jamie. Yes he actually attempted to cook a lunchable on a George foreman grill.

 

[Sterre]

ROFLOL! Well you can't learn how to prepare a good meal on the george foreman grill early enough!

 

[momwithptsd]

I love these stories, makes me laugh, and I think my headache has finally gone away!! My son (4 years old) has done and said some funny stuff, will have to try to remember them. He is constantly cracking me up!!

Kids are the best!!