General Things To Know When Dealing With PTSD (As a Carer)

[Nicolette]

Hi

I have decided to create this thread in order to provide a summary for those newer members or those new to PTSD. The purpose of this thread is to create a list of what can be expected when dealing with PTSD or just things which are common.

Anyone can add to this thread but please do it in list form thanks.

You may disagree with some points based on your experience. That is ok... just state your point in a list form as this thread is not about debates or differing opinions...it is about sharing experiences and experiences can and may differ due to a lot of factors.

 

[Nicolette]

• It can be common for a boyfriend, husband, partner to shut you out when their PTSD is out of control or when they are overloaded.
• PTSD can sometimes cause a normally loving person say cruel and mean things to push you away.
• If a PTSD sufferer says they need space....they really mean it and you should oblige. Even minimal contact which you may do out of kindness and thoughtfulness can result in an undesired result.
• While you may want to talk and share your problems, doing so with a PTSD sufferer can add to their stress and actually make them more ill.
• Too much good stress can be just as detrimental as too much bad stress for a sufferer, especially if it is all occurring at once.
• No matter how much you want to help a sufferer, they have to want to heal themselves.
• You must set and maintain boundaries with a sufferer.... PTSD is not an excuse to be abusive.
• A sufferer generally will need to face their trauma in order to heal.... living in denial will only make them worse.
• As a carer your first priority has to be your own wellbeing.

 

[Nicolette]

• It is normal for a sufferer to socially withdraw
• Eliminating stress often greatly assists a sufferer
• Crowds, shopping centres and social events can be too much for a sufferer to deal with, especially when untreated
• From what I have seen the more a sufferer invests in healing themselves the greater chance they have of having a reasonably normal life
• Video games and tv are a common way of escaping from reality
• Someone whose trauma came from violence like war may actually find comfort in watching war movies or playing war games...weird I know
• Some sufferers cannot work as their PTSD affects their ability to interact with other people
• Having an interest, as with anyone, seems to assist a sufferer more so rather than them getting bored and possibly further depressed by having no purpose

 

[Kathy]

Too much good stress can be just as detrimental as too much bad stress for a sufferer, especially if it is all occurring at once.

Very well said. It was a revelation for me at first, to realize that good news and happy things of all sorts could also cause Evie extreme stress.

Some sufferers cannot work as their PTSD affects their ability to interact with other people

Very true also. Useful and satisfying "work" can be done from home, whether one is paid or no. My daughter works from home and fares very well, though I doubt she could handle a 9 to 5 type setting. Allowing those with PTSD to work at what they truly love, and not expecting them to fit into society's idea of what "work" entails is most important.

Excellent thread Nicolette, all extremely valid points which I can certainly relate to. I apologize for not having much to add however you have been most thorough!

 

[Kathy]

Anyone can add to this thread but please do it in list form thanks.

Oh dear. I suppose I didn't do this. I am out of practice when it comes to forum posting. :rolleyes: Please edit as you wish Nicolette.

 

[Nicolette]

Oh no Kathy, not a problem....It is good that you have re-confirmed some points. I just didn't want it to turn into indepth posts about personal situations. My intent is that it can become a point of reference.

 

[Frankie]

Based on my experience as a carer:

• It is normal for the sufferer to be forgetful
• Suddend movements or sudden sounds will make the sufferer jumpy
• At times it becomes very difficult for the sufferer to make decisions
• Sufferer needs to be told you love him/her
• Sufferer will need "time out", do not pressure, respect their privacy, they will talk when and if they are ready
• Do not accept everything the sufferer does or says...you have the right to disagree about things you do not agree with and don't tolerate. Never attack, but tell them in a calm way....Never begin by saying "you do this....." but say "I feel sad/hurt when you do ....."
• Sufferer will be, at times, aggressive....in my case it was my exbf's car rage. I did not tolerate it and he knew. As hard as it is, they should be able to control it
• Sufferer will be more emotional and cry very easily, and at times, when they least expect it
• A sufferer's "normal" is no longer the "normal" we know

Nicolette listed something that really hit home:

"While you may want to talk and share your problems, doing so with a PTSD sufferer can add to their stress and actually make them more ill."

 

[patientsuccess]

Very helpful and true insights!

 

[France]

Frankie...Thank you

 

[Shamstalat]

I definitely agree with the needing space bit! Many people have a hard time understanding that when I say I need space, I mean it. Thank you for emphasizing that, Nicolette.

 

[Frankie]

Hi France,

Welcome to the forum....and you are very welcome ! :smile:

 

[kaydee]

I agree with all your points, but want to add

- a totally different perspective (clouded perhaps by other similar situations) exists in times of stress for the sufferer
- a sufferer may react to a situation because their thoughts are jumping ahead and they are making decisions on their reality or perception of a situation, not necessarily how you are acting or what you are saying.
- sufferers like to be in control, especially in times of good or bad stress.
- trust (it is very hard to keep a sufferers trust)