I'm truly sorry to hear that,
@theshadowoftheliving. I may not be going through what you're going through, but I'm right there with you and I'm here for you, offering my sympathy and understanding.
I know what it's like to live life and what it's like just to get through the day or week. I have D.I.D and it is
not an easy life or disorder to deal with. It feels like things are getting worse every day. That's the thing with trauma and a lot of mental illnesses, though. While sometimes our disorders and symptoms
can get worse, sometimes it's just appearances. We're under so much stress in our lives. Life is hard enough as it is, but adding mental illness makes life even harder.
I know the feeling of wanting it all to end but not necessarily wanting to
die. To become better versions of ourselves. To not be so tired, mentally and physically. It seems as though you're working just so you can live and that's unfair. I wake up every morning and I see both darkness and beauty around me, but it gets to me. I put in so much energy just to get through the week or even day, just to get to therapy, that it's as if I'm forgetting to truly live.
Our minds can sometimes be chaos; a battlefield, if you will. One thing I learned, though, is that
it will be okay. Pain. Sadness. Adversity. These things are temporary and adapt and change over time, even though it doesn't feel like it at the time. What I hope you have with you, though, is self-love and hope. I say this because hope isn't about changing a situation. Hope is a unique form of love that says "One day. it'll be okay." So you try every day to be better than you were the day before, because life is pain, but it is also beauty. It's so hard sometimes to see that, because so much of our lives are spent living with debilitating illnesses that make us just want to end it, but we didn't.
You're strong! You're reading this now, aren't you? Be gentle with yourself, you deserve the same kindness that I'm sure you give others. One of my favorite quotes:
You are not machines! You are not cattle! You are men! You have the love of humanity in your hearts! - Charlie Chaplin, The Great Dictator.
If you knew how much people admired you. How much you give other people hope... well, it'd be amazing. Just reading your post today made me feel less alone in that I knew and I know that we're all humans that want the same thing. To be successful, loved, cared for, strong and happy. It's sometimes hard to think logically. We have to push through the darkness to get to the light, but it's worth it.
"
But what's the point of trying if I'm not getting anywhere in life?" You are. You're making progress and I myself ask this question very often. The fact that you're pursuing therapy. Working. Pushing through the diagnosis and living on proves to us how strong you really are. It makes me wish that you gave yourself credit where credit is ultimately due, because you remind me and I'm sure others that despite our diagnoses, we are all humans capable of changing.
Even if life seems to be going nowhere, it's not. Your life... you -- you're progressing, slowly but surely -- and once your destination is reached, it'll feel that much more rewarding.
I'm not sure that this response was helpful at all, but I just hope you know that I feel for you. That I see your strength but also the pain you feel and I'm with you. I hope you have a rad night or day and know that I'm rooting for you. I'm rooting for every one of you, in fact.
"
Mikey, your response was terrible." It probably was, but I'm sharing my two cents and hope that it helped in some way, alleviate the intrusive pain or thoughts.
