Threatened By Feeling Alive

[Ronin]

Multilike & 'word', @Go Hungry. So beautifully put.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

@Go Hungry "a drop of fun' Yes. Your post is wonderful. Thanks.

 

[Chava]

Sometimes I wonder if we have much trouble with the ptsd in our 30's/ 40's because we don't have the same energy

This has been true for me. It took many years to realize how I was my own tornado, but I also survived "good enough" (since survival mode is fine) for a long time with self-destructive habits. Around age 40 my body just started breaking down and I couldn't even do the basic stuff well so I had to change a whole lot of things that I would have otherwise settled for...it's been hard...and like now I have to accept some normal "alive" feelings in order to be healthy and not feel tipped into the other extreme too far. I am comfortable with some pain, but it becomes too much. So I have to understand the other end of the spectrum (or nudge, very slowly, closer).

 

[Hush92]

My therapist tells me the same thing. She says I don't know how to be happy or "just be." When I'm happy I almost feel scared, like I'm challenging something. I also feel like I know what you're talking about with the "Tasmanian devil" state. I've experienced those feelings as well, feeling bursting with energy, needing to destroy things or otherwise just release the energy somehow, even if it's just creatively....

My therapist says I'll have an easier time feeling happy when I finally feel safe. The only thing is I don't know how one goes about feeling safe and she's not giving me tips. -.- I'm almost always in alert mode, I guess.

Anyways I'm glad you feel you're improving and getting better, no matter how small those improvements may seem at the time. Keep it up!!