I have seen other people share similar stories, but all of the ones I found seemed to be closed to comments/replies. So, I will make a new post. After 7 years of marriage, I am finally coming to the conclusion that I cannot fix my husband's CPTSD, nor am I responsible for causing the shame spirals and delusional episodes that come unannounced. I try so hard to avoid comments or situations that will aggravate things, but I realize that it is impossible to do this consistently.
We just took a trip that went terribly wrong, and I can now see now that there were signs leading up to the trip that explains why everything went bad. The trip wound up including dangerous behavior with traffic and the abandonment of myself in a dangerous neighborhood. It's not like some of this has never happened before, but this time it was in front of other family members and he totally left me behind. He did not come back to look for me or even call to see if I was okay. This all happened in a city that is new to me. I was in disbelief and utter shock.
Unlike the past, I chose to actually call a friend (in tears) and shared what had happened. Unlike in the past, I actually shared all of the details with my therapist once I returned home. Unlike in the past, I was honest about behaviours and communication that are abusive. I am not hiding anything anymore. I will share with the right people, but will not be keeping anything a secret anymore. I am tired of being blamed for everything that goes wrong in this relationship. I am tired of feeling like a basket case who cannot function properly in a relationship. I am tired of walking on eggshells.
After my appointment with the therapist, an added comorbidity of BiPolar is being considered. This is something I have been suspicious of for many years. Without transparency we will not get the help we need. These missing puzzle pieces mean a lot to the professionals who are trying to help us.
I am thankful all of our therapists are allowed to communicate together. I am hoping for some relief, for both of us, in the near future.
We are in a place that may or may not lead to the repair of our relationship.
We just took a trip that went terribly wrong, and I can now see now that there were signs leading up to the trip that explains why everything went bad. The trip wound up including dangerous behavior with traffic and the abandonment of myself in a dangerous neighborhood. It's not like some of this has never happened before, but this time it was in front of other family members and he totally left me behind. He did not come back to look for me or even call to see if I was okay. This all happened in a city that is new to me. I was in disbelief and utter shock.
Unlike the past, I chose to actually call a friend (in tears) and shared what had happened. Unlike in the past, I actually shared all of the details with my therapist once I returned home. Unlike in the past, I was honest about behaviours and communication that are abusive. I am not hiding anything anymore. I will share with the right people, but will not be keeping anything a secret anymore. I am tired of being blamed for everything that goes wrong in this relationship. I am tired of feeling like a basket case who cannot function properly in a relationship. I am tired of walking on eggshells.
After my appointment with the therapist, an added comorbidity of BiPolar is being considered. This is something I have been suspicious of for many years. Without transparency we will not get the help we need. These missing puzzle pieces mean a lot to the professionals who are trying to help us.
I am thankful all of our therapists are allowed to communicate together. I am hoping for some relief, for both of us, in the near future.
We are in a place that may or may not lead to the repair of our relationship.
. Well done for getting to this point in life when you say to yourself "no more will I suffer this". You must feel so worn out. Time to put yourself first and look after yourself.
