Too Much

[scout86]

That might have been a miserable attempt at humor. Although it might have also been designed to keep you from drowning.

It's the weekend. It's the weekend before Christmas. Not the best time to get reasonable responses from professional people because they're busy being people. This is something that has to be dealt with, but it doesn't have to be dealt with NOW. This seems like something that needs to be put on a shelf somewhere at least until tomorrow. Is there any way you can get all these people (and your T) together, in one place, to work out a plan? Well, maybe not THESE people, but a set of people who can actually help you work on problem solving. I suggest getting them together because I think, too often, the various medical professionals involved don't communicate with each other and that's a huge problem.

But, people with all KINDS of disabilities compete in the para-Olympics. It's about seeing things as a challenge to be dealt with, a problem to be solved. There's got to be a way.

 

[ButterflyBean]

@Justmehere - wanted you to know that I'm still listening and thinking about you! Are you feeling any better? Sending gentle, supportive hugs!

 

[Justmehere]

I can't even seem to think about all of this to even respond like I would like to.

I did go get another opinion today and it was worse than all others.

Worse. I didn't think it could get worse. They already threw a genetic disorder at me that shortens my life more than I'm comfortable sharing. Then they said...

I'm at the ER as they type this because I fell apart and I needed help.

They just informed me they are about to do a safety drill and there might be fake gunshots, just letting you know.

No. Just no.

They let me leave in a hurry.

 

[hodge]

Cripes, of all times to do a safety drill! Are you okay? Did they give you an anti-anxiety med at least? Are you on your way home now?

Sorry for all the questions. I'm just concerned. Hang on to your angel dog.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Justmehere Ok, so it's 2 bad diagnosis. So maybe you just need to find a way to cope with what you've been handed. I know that it wasn't what you wanted to hear, but life doesn't always come with a guarantee. None of us make it out of here alive. None of us know when our number is up, and none of us knows what's around the next corner.

So, find a way to live with what you have. Try and find ways to be grateful for what you DO have, and not focus on the what might have been, or what you are going to have to give up. Shitty news, but maybe down the road with medical advances, hopefully something new will come up that can help. If not, then find ways to cope...

 

[Justmehere]

They had just put me back in a room and I was just starting to explain that I was there for mental health reasons when the doctor came in and said they are about to do the drill. At first he only said that there would be people running down the hallway and not to be surprised about it. I then asked if they were going to be aligned. He then explained know but there will be fake gunshots and victims and I said,

"I have PTSD and right now is not the moment for me to handle even fake trauma. Not now no. Just no."

He went into the hall and said hang on guys and asked if I wanted to leave and I saw the actors (I didn't know they were actors when I came in) all pause and stop.

It was a moment. Doctor asked if I wanted to leave and come back and I broke down sobbing and he told everyone to hang on while I walked out the door awfully quickly. Behind me I could hear him explaining to everyone that I had PTSD and it wasn't the right moment to put me through that.

I'm glad they're doing the drill, don't get me wrong... i'm in a major city, and of all the hospitals I could've walked into… I walked into that one.

 

[hodge]

I'm glad they waited for you to leave. What about going to another one?

 

[Justmehere]

I could deal with the life-threatening diagnosis. I didn't fall apart.

It's a huge trauma trigger to find out a doctor made a mistake because he refused to take my symptoms and pain as real, and as a result, it takes away a safe place for me....

I'm on the edge of flashbacks. It's been too many things, too much lately.

Part of me completely knows I'll be all right, I'll find away, there are worse things that could happen. So much worse. Heck, I've been through much worse with less of a reaction in he past few years - several times.

The rest of me is having a hard time staying in 2016. My stress cup is overflowing. Normally, safety drills don't even phase me at all. If anything, I am usually counter phobically drawn to them because it's a safe way to face fears. Even if they are slightly triggering.

I was surprised by my own reaction to the drill -- but today wasn't the day.

I am at a point where I could cry over anything. I'm in such a state of fight or flight... I keep decreasing the level in my cup only to have something small happen that pushes me over the edge.

 

[Justmehere]

The next closest hospital is in a rough neighborhood, but I'm thinking of going. Normally, I would go for a run and be just fine. I'm not sure how to handle losing this coping tool of being able to go jog a couple miles....

I have a million other coping tools, at this moment they just don't seem to quite be enough. They have to be enough. All I got to do is get through today.

 

[hodge]

I know it's getting close to the end of the workday, but could you call your T?

Wish I was there to make you a nice cup of tea and just hang out.

 

[hodge]

Public transport to a hospital in a better neighborhood? Given the way you feel, I would think venturing into a rough neighborhood would fill your cup even more, even with your dog. Plus it will be dark by the time you get out.

 

[hodge]

Sorry if I missed something . . . why can't you jog?