Torturing Animals

[Deleted member 12723]

I took my repressed anger out on my brothers and sisters. I felt bad about it afterward. I changed and did not do that anymore because I felt so ashamed. I never understood it myself. I had such rages. That is what got me into therapy when I found myself going off on my young son. I knew I needed help. It made a huge difference for me.

I do not have a rage problem anymore. I am very grateful for that. How brave this thread is.

 

[Ice_Fire]

I totally 100% adore Declan's pets. Especially the dogs. But when they misbehave, it really does take all of my willpower not to hit them. I never have and I never will, but the rage bubbles up to the surface, the only time I'm aware of it.

It's as if having a very short fuse with the dogs is the only time I ever feel angry. Not just at the petty misbehaviour of the dogs, but at life. At how I was treated.

 

[Philippa]

I think that's how it can be with most parents and their kids...and I totally have compassion for them in those moments.

We are human after all, and every person has their limits of how much crying, screaming, noise and constant questions they can take before they snap. That doesn't make it ok to snap and let loose on kids, but I understand why it sometimes happens...even if you aren't a survivor of childhood abuse that is something that is challenging for most parents.

 

[HëllaBubz]

I need to exert control over a strong will that will not listen to reason.

Wow, I've never had something I felt so strongly put so clearly into words.

 

[maddog]

Wow, so very much courage and honesty expressed in this thread, more than I can match really.

Exerting control over a strong will that will not listen to reason is also something that resonates deeply and painfully with me. I understand this feeling and the urges it can evoke. These are the times I feel the deep-rooted terror that I am just like my father and that his controlling rage lives within me. I truly believe this is how he felt about me, and he didn't just feel it, he acted upon it each and every day.

To date I haven't done anything to confirm the existence of his evil in me, but just having the feelings and recognizing them for what they are is a terrifying reality that I can't ignore or deny, especially as I know that I do have very real and active anger management issues at times.

It's hard to admit the fearand dread that I feel when I come face to face with this aspect of myself.

Maddog

 

[HëllaBubz]

If I'm not honest with others I'll never be honest with myself, and I know that isn't a good thing.

 

[matthios]

I hope this doesn't set anyone off, but check out the Ted Talk about "The Lucifer Effect". Dr Zimbardo was responsible for the prison study in CA back in the 70s that had normal college students work as mock prisoners and prison guards. The sadism and abuse that followed shocked everyone.

Anyway, if you find the study or the talk too upsetting, I'll save you from the details, but it's basically looking at how good people are so capable of doing horrible (unspeakably so) things under certain situations.

Oddly enough, I was just talking about this with one of my former students last night. Thinking we're good or bad people, or that there's some line between the two that isn't to be crossed... it's not necessarily healthy and it's certainly not accurate. We're people and this means likely flawed. Moral compasses are relative and shift throughout our lives.

 

[Privateer]

Flaws should be acknowledged then worked on and ironed out, not merely accepted.

Hmmm. Shifting moral compasses are handy things if you want to get people to commit atrocities for you. There should always be a line.