Toughen Up And Other Sayings That Are Upsetting

[InHell11]

Yeah I hate sayings like that.

 

[AS1975]

"toughen up", "shake yourself up", "get a grip", or "move on"

All these phrases are likely to elicit a response, ranging from a look, to a poke in the eye, an elbow to the back of the skull, to a straight-arm takedown and bruised kidneys.

 

[Shellbell]

All these saying are invalidating and very hurtful when they come from people in particular that we care about.

These sayings invalidate the severity of the trauma we've been through. They invalidate the intense emotions we have now about it. They have invalidated my current inability to control the horrendous nightmares and flashbacks and many other symptoms.

'Just let it go' is one I had fairly recently from my pastor, who knows the severity of my history in detail. It was one of the most invalidating things said to me and it hurt.

 

[Whitneys story]

Some of my favorites and actual responses!


Don't sweat the small stuff! Hmmmm, just what do outsiders think happens when you don't?

You just have to understand that ..... No I do not, I have rights and will not be invalidated by your insensitive ignorance.


Get a grip! How do you recommend I do this? Putting it back on them brings it to emotion. Reaction of most is dumbfounded!

Let it go! What action do you use to achieve this?

It is very easy for some to throw out comments, asking questions takes it a step past making them own their comment. It does not always work but generally gives them something to think about.

And there are those who I give the look and reply with, really I thought you were educated. Always smile, it takes practice.

 

[Privateer]

'Man up'.

Never been used to me directly, but I've heard it used by people talking about other folk. Sometimes I do feel like mentioning that I also have it, then asking which of the contents of my display cabinet they would prefer to have stuffed down their throat and how easy do they think it is to tell somebody to 'man up' while you're choking on a medal?

Thankfully, my friends are not so callous as to say that.

 

[Whitneys story]

Thankfully, my friends are not so callous as to say that.

This says so much! Picking friends is an art, for sufferers who can't trust themselves let alone others;
would you mind sharing what has worked for you? I love reading your posts. I might be sadistic as I am also very visual. Laughing at someone choking on a medal!:playful: Have you seen the size of the Olympic Medals? Hugs, Whitney

 

[Privateer]

Ah, well, I've known most of these folks for years and been through a lot with some of them. Life-or-death stuff with a few, so they're almost an extended family, really. They're a fairly diverse bunch, but we're pretty tight-knit. I'm considered the crazy-brave one, so they know if I start crying about something that it might actually be serious...

 

[Shellbell]

I think Whitney's right, picking friends does become an art for sufferers.

The problem is that social anxiety prevents making new friends and the old friends (most, not all) are the ones who feel obliged to say all the invalidating, hurtful comments.

So, you either stick with the old friends and get hurt, or don't have friends. Not sure which is worst.....?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I hated children should be seen and not heard. My dad was big on saying this alot. I also hate quit dwelling on the past, forget what lies behind.

 

[therapybankrupt]

My least favorite saying would be "you are two babies and that is worse than one". This was what my Dad would say if I ever cried. He would also hold his two fingers in my face and repeat until I stopped. Validation was basically non existant. I have a head full of these sayings including the one that children should be seen and not heard. I think these sayings contributed to my burying my feelings like a pro!