Trans, nb, queer and intersex folks - welcome!

[littleoc]

@Skywatcher going off what I understand, AFAB and gay

I'm curious about how others would add a label though

 

[Freida]

scroll down until you see my reaction

That is fabulous!!!!!

 

[Swift]

Thanks for the response to this thread folks! It's amazing.
My theory is people are generally respectful and want to make each other comfortable by using the right language.
Just - no one teaches anyone this stuff. Most decent people won't be offended if you're trying to be nice.

@littleoc - if I'm not sure "what pronouns do you use?" is generally considered the polite way to ask.:) in my circles with a group of people we do a "pronoun round" usually. But - It's better to refer to someone as the gender they're presenting as rather than the one they're likely to be biologically. So cues like men's clothes or women's clothes, different footwear, hair length, etc.
And - no one will be offended if you ask their pronouns, it's considered by some to be even more polite than assuming, because some far-lefties believe that we shouldn't assume a person's gender at all (which I don't agree with but whatevs.)

The other option is to use "singular they" until someone corrects you. Particularly in a group of queer peeps I'm often gendered as "they" because my name is gender-neutral, queer and obviously chosen, and then I go "nah, I go by 'she'" and it's all good.
For example, some of my mates use 'they' pronouns. It was hard work to get my head around at first but I just practiced at home to get it into my thick skull (singular they - Jordan takes their car to their workplace. They work in law, which is what they've wanted to do since they were a little kid.) When referring to a person who's non-binary, gender neutral words like "person" and "worker" and "kid" are the best.
There are also what's called "transfemme" and "trans-masc" people.

Trans-femme people are non-binary but present in a feminine way, and are generally AMAB; they don't want to be trans-women or to be seen as women but are feminine. They usually use "she" or "they" pronouns.

Trans-masculine (trans-masc) people are the same in reverse: generally AFAB, present as masculine but identify as non-binary rather than male.

Another term that's useful is "doesn't/does pass well." 'Passing', if you're trans, is looking like the gender you're living as. Eg my mate Max looks like your typical blokey-bloke, so he passes really well. There are some people who look more like their assigned (birth) gender than their identified one, but it's often considered rude to point that out or say they "still look like a man/woman."

Some other pointers on trans* etiquette -
- don't ask a person's birth name, or use it even if you know it. This is called 'deadnaming', and it can be triggering for some folk. Personally I hate being deadnamed and I'm not even trans, so I can get this. ( I tell people my birthname is f*ckstick McGee if they ask. It's a win-win: they'll refer to me by my (chosen) name, or they'll be going 'Oi, f*ckstick for the rest of the night, which is hilarious.)
- don't ask about people's medical or surgical status. Especially "have you had the surgery?!" is considered offensive.

There are a variety of options for transgender people. Some people are happy without transitioning medically at all, ie just saying they're a guy and living like it.

Most take hormones - people who want to live as male take testosterone, and people who want to live as female take estrogen. Testosterone causes changes like deepening voice, more body hair, a more masculine figure, beards, etc. Estrogen causes feminine changes - a more feminine figure, voice higher in pitch, less body hair, etc.

Then there's surgical options. Trans women often have facial surgery first - face feminization, reducing the Adam's apple etc.

"Top surgery" is surgery to make a person's chest either more masculine or more feminine. Trans men often have double mastectomies, and trans women often have breast implants. So if you hear someone say they're saving up for top surgery, this is what they mean.

"Bottom surgery" or "lower surgery" is surgery below the waist. This can mean a hysterectomy for trans men, or removing the testicles for trans women. There's also vaginoplasty - turning the genitals into a vagina - or phalloplasty - turning the genitals into a penis, but these are very expensive and comparitively uncommon.

@Skywatcher - they're a gay (is a boy, likes boys) guy (it's generally considered not polite to refer to someone as 'trans' unless it's necessary or relevant) :)
So, they're AFAB, living as a guy so trans, and they're a guy who likes guys so they're gay :)

Thanks again everyone. This is awesome.

 

[rayzorblade]

Hi there. I'm new to the site and thought I'd introduce myself. I'm a 33 yr old trans man, who is queer identified and looking to connect with people and work on my C-PTSD. My pronouns are he/him.

 

[Swift]

Welcome @rayzorblade :)

 

[frogthroat]

Thanks for the response to this thread folks! It's amazing.
My theory is people are generally respectful...

Wow, this was really helpful. I suppose I would be trans-masculine and non-binary although I don't identify as trans and I'm fine with my birth name and my body parts. I'm much more comfortable dressing like a dude. Alas, I have big ol titties and hips so it's pretty obvious I'm biologically female. I don't like looking feminine at all though.

 

[Sweetleaf]

Sweetleaf, orientation flying all over the place, 29, she/her.

Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, but are there no MTF trans posters in this thread yet? I dont think I have seen any.

Also @Swift - female hormones dont raise the pitch of voices of MTFs. That has to be done through them training their voices to sound more female, and there are voice surgeries as well though good results require working on voice training before surgery. There are many aspects to whether someone's voice sounds male or female.

Many people pull it off without surgery, it just takes them practice and time to nail it down.

 

[Deleted member 47384]

Hey y'all! I'm Daisy, 25, cis lady, shy bi ready to try ~

 

[Ice_Fire]

Hey, sorry for being late to the queer party going on over here! This thread is an awesome idea.

I'm AFAB but yeah gender is a difficult one, for me at least. I'm comfortable with she/her pronouns just because I'm used to them I guess. I tried they/them for a while and got an internal snigger from the alters but ultimately it didn't feel right and most non LGBT+ folks just didn't get it and continued using female pronouns anyway.

I'm engaged to the most brilliant woman and I am attracted to women but lesbian doesn't sit right with me because I feel like although I can be feminine, I'm also way too masculine for such an exclusively female label. So I'll just go with queer AF as well! ?

 

[bellbird]

Hey, sorry for being late to the queer party going on over here!

It's never too late to join the queer party! ?
Welcome @Ice_Fire :hug:

 

[Ice_Fire]

@Skywatcher as for your question, my first answer is "whatever that person wants to define themselves as being". But I guess that's not the answer you're after so I'd say gay transman/transmasculine person, if the person is only attracted to men at least. If living as male and wanting to be seen as exclusively male then yeah, transman and gay because they're a man attracted to men. Hope that maybe helps a little?

 

[littleoc]

I'm comfortable with she/her pronouns just because I'm used to them I guess.

Relatable! I still haven’t figured out my identity (there were complications), but I like your explanation. So thanks for putting it out there!