Triggered- boyfriend issues, aka we are stupid

[Muttly]

sorry, not in the right mental state to be posting

 

[EveHarrington]

Hugs.

Come back and post when you are ready, ok?

 

[Muttly]

@EveHarrington thank you. I appreciate the support.

I wrote a big long post again but it was too long and just... blah. I know this writing and deleting is messed up and apologize. Apparently I'm not equipped to deal with this now, so I'm giving up. sorry I am so nuts lately... and sorry for all the apologies.

 

[dulcia]

Ready whenever you are, @Muttly!

 

[Amcam]

My posts are long too, so it’s ok :) I hope feel better soon with whatever is getting you down.

 

[EveHarrington]

No need to apologize! Posting can be quite hard at times. :hug:

 

[Muttly]

ok. so... maybe I will try short bits.

the super short version. I've realized in a lot of ways he reminds me of my mom. Hence the triggers. There's some geographical distance between us and we both have busy lives so we don't see each other that often. And.. I feel like I'm sort of a boyfriend of convenience at times. Like, when he's lonely or struggling or whatever, then he's more present in my life. Other times he can drop communication. And even when we are together, if his life is chaotic (which isn't unusual), he isn't necessarily going to express interest in me.

We've talked about pretty much all of that. He says he will reach out more and maybe will for a bit but it doesn't last. My head says, I know this is how he is so I just need to accept it. My head says, I can be the one reaching out, so we keep in touch. My head says if I talk about myself and remind him of what's going on in my life he listens and is caring. But I get all stupid and hurt and withdraw and blame myself for those responses.

Tonight there is a halloween party. I said I would go. I can still pretty much walk on crutches. I work today. I also have a pet job, going to a house that has way, way too many stairs. I work tomorrow. I don't want to go. It's mostly because of what I just said. It's partly because I'm all hurt and pouty and don't want to deal with him. It would probably be good to see him. It would be good to have fun (we been really depressed). It feels like way too much