Trying to Understand

[Grace1]

Are you sure he doesn’t have a girlfriend or wife?

I’m sure he does not have a girlfriend. He goes home to have dinner with Mom and sibling, watches tv, relax and shower and bed. He’s at work by 7 am daily. On the weekend he sleeps a lot. I know he has a hard time sleeping throughout the week. I ask him what he like to do and I get crickets. I think the weekends he is a bit depressed.

 

[OrangeJulius]

I hope that maybe he can move beyond non verbals and he can tell me what he really wants to to do going forward.

Don't count on it. 5 years in and my sufferer cannot verbalize much....let alone volunteer it. If I ask direct questions sometimes I get answers. Sometimes I get silence. If I ask if he feels confused about a certain topic he might nod or he might stay silent. Do not think that the people on this site with PTSD articulating their reality are the norm. Do not put that expectation on your friend. More often than not my honey doesn't know how he feels because he mostly feels numb. It may not be that your friend is holding back but that he simply doesn't know.

 

[Freida]

Do not think that the people on this site with PTSD articulating their reality are the norm.

This is a really good point. It has taken me 4 years to get to the point that I will talk ---- and I usually do it on here because I can connect with other sufferers and feel normal. But the biggest reason is that it is anonymous. If it wasn't I wouldn't share at all

 

[blackemerald1]

@Grace1 - I have read through this thread and am aware that you have been asked a number of times if you are certain he does not have a wife, girlfriend or a live in lover etc.,

Really you haven't answered this.

The only information you have is what he has told you and really - it doesn't add up. Sure he has a mother and a sibling to care for but that does not exclude him from calling you out of office hours to catch up with you or sharing some other time with you - yet he doesn't.

You have no evidence to suggest he doesn't have a wife, girlfriend or a live in lover.

You have no evidence or experience with him to suggest he is actually remotely interested in you outside of walking to and from a train and some communication within strictly defined boundaries and he has actually told you what those boundaries are.

I am finding it really difficult to understand how attached you have become to a man that you actually barely know and from his actions, it isn't likely you will get to know.

Take a break from walking to and from the train with him or whatever and possibly sit down and have a long think about how you are thinking and feeling because that doesn't add up either.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I feel like if he can get out faithfully everday to go to work, why can’t he have the same motive to take me out sometimes or just come to place.

If only!

I push myself to work. I push hard. My body wants to stop and I keep pushing (speaking mentally). On my days off I am useless. It is a wonder I push hard enough to go to therapy but I know I need to go but after therapy (morning of my first day off) I crash. My body is done! My brain is done. I sleep all that day and the next. And then it's off pushing through another 5 days. When it's time to grocery shop, I am running on fumes.

Ever heard of the spoon therory? Look it up some day! It is a great way to understand this.

 

[EveHarrington]

Ever heard of the spoon therory? Look it up some day! It is a great way to understand this.

Yes, the spoon theory is awesome! I tell it to everyone I know.

It’s not a perfect theory (as nothing ever could be), but it does help people understand. One thing not addressed is that we oftentimes don’t know how many spoons we get in a day. Sometimes I’m part way through a day and thinking oh crud, I don’t have enough spoons for what I plan to do today, and plans have to be changed. Spoons can be borrowed from future days, but we WILL pay. Last week my boyfriend remarked that I had pushed myself too hard and borrowed a weeks worth of spoons. Yes, I paid dearly. Anyway, this will make more sense after you read the spoon theory.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Spoons can be borrowed from future days, but we WILL pay

I wonder if that's my "running on fumes" getting stuff done that cannot be pushed off any longer (like grocery shop when I have nothing left in the house) and end up crashing harder afterwards. Borrowing spoons?

But, yes, spoon therory is great in helping those that aren't chroniclly ill or have mental disabilities understand how our energy level works.

Also, @Grace1, when I am symptomaic, I have less spoons (or energy) to begin with therefore will run out (crash) faster and harder and can't do anywhere near as much.

 

[Freida]

Also, @Grace1, when I am symptomaic, I have less spoons (or energy) to begin with therefore will run out (crash) faster and harder and can't do anywhere near as much.

This is soooo true for me too! If I borrow for too long I reach out and there are none anywhere around me. So I've had to learn to be very careful with the spoons I'm allotted. I'm still not always successful, but I'm learning

 

[anon1234]

If only!

I push myself to work. I push hard. My body wants to stop and I keep pushing (speaking mentally). On my days off I am useless. It is a wonder I push hard enough to go to therapy but I know I need to go but after therapy (morning of my first day off) I crash. My body is done! My brain is done. I sleep all that day and the next. And then it's off pushing through another 5 days. When it's time to grocery shop, I am running on fumes.

Ever heard of the spoon therory? Look it up some day! It is a great way to understand this.

Thanks for this comment. It’s helped me deal with a frustration I’m going through right now