Two Sessions Per Week

[deleted]

I had to call my therapist today to ask if we could add an additional session and now I'm feeling extremely guilty and bad about it.

The last time I needed two sessions per week was with a therapist who was grooming me to be dependent on him so that's what I associate having another session: dependence on therapy and I'm terrified of being dependent on anything, especially therapy after that experience.

I guess the fact that I'm that bad again is what is really getting to me. I've had to call a crisis center twice to talk with a counselor since my last session and that was just yesterday. I feel so weak and I'm afraid my therapist will just think I'm so weak or that I'm getting to attached to therapy or something. I don't want to admit that I need help and that things are really bad even though deep down I know they are.

Plus the additional session is at 8:30pm and even though my therapist says he usually stays that late I feel really guilty for taking up more of his time since he's so busy and I'm sure I'm a burden to him.

I'm just feeling really crummy about the whole situation. :(

 

[hockeygrl17]

Katiee,

I am really sorry you're feeling all of this. Its tough enough to go through what we do on a daily basis, trying to find comfort, trying to heal, but I get that there is so much more to it all- especially the *noise* between our ears that produces even more feelings, and that those feelings don't always make sense, and that they mostly make us feel more of the bad emotions. I just started online therapy called Talkspace. Its nice because I don't have to look at my therapist directly and think as much about what she thinks of me, or wonder (as much) about the unknown- the possibility that my T is judging me, or that creeping feeling that I genuinely have no idea what she is thinking about me. It's enough to make you start to feel insane. Anyway, take heart! Its going to get better with time. I am just proud of you for seeing your needs and working towards healing- thats a lot more than most people do for themselves!

 

[deleted]

Katiee,

I am really sorry you're feeling all of this. Its tough enough to go through what we do on...

Thanks so much for your kind words! I don't think online therapy is for me- I love the face to face connection with my T but it is stressful sometimes haha
Youre so kind! :)

 

[hockeygrl17]

Yes. I am probably going to double up and do in person therapy too. Is that messed up? Having two different T's? lol maybe it will be good to have two perspectives! haha

 

[Friday]

So let's look at normal:

- Inpatient. 24/7 for 30/60/90 days on average.
- PHP (partial hospitalization program). Like inpatient, but you go home to sleep at night & weekends home.
- IOP (intensive outpatient). Half days. 4-5 days a week.
- 2 or 3 sessions a week, running 1-2 hours
- 1 session a week, running 1 hour.

So... You're presently at the lowest level of care, and worried about being too dependent. ((Check out the article on the homepage about 1 hour of therapy being often JUST enough time to destabilize people, and why adding hours can actually decrease symptoms & dependence.))

As far as therapists schedules? Some have a 8am-6pm Mon-Fri schedule. A whole helluva lot, however, find that keeping the same business hours as their clients? Doesn't work so well. Which means that early birds tend to start their days at 6am to catch people before work, while night owls tend to start their days at 10am or noon, and work until 8pm-10pm, to catch people after work.

Let your therapist choose their own schedule. If he likes sleeping in and catching clients after their work day? He has the right to choose that for himself, yes?

 

[hockeygrl17]

Friday, what a great perspective! ::hugs::

 

[Sideways]

Being able to stick your head out and say "I think I need a bit more support at the moment" is a really hard thing to do. Our heads come up woth all sorts of reasons why we shouldn't do that. My head likes different versions of "I don't deserve more help" or "I'm asking for too much".

Shut up head!! What you've done is reasonable, sensible and brave. You won't always need 2 sessions a week, but if that's what you need right now, that's ok. Expressing that is ok. And communicating it to your T directly? That's helpful for both of you:)

 

[Friday]

What you've done is reasonable, sensible and brave.

This. A very good standard to meet!

 

[Suzetig]

Well done asking for what you need, that's a good skill to have. Two sessions a week when you need it is fine - it doesn't mean you're dependent, just that you need more support right now. You may need less again at another time and that's fine too.

Dependant looks like you not managing without your T, being unable to make the simplest of decisions without him (at the level of what to have for dinner or what to wear today), not needing a bit of additional support. I hope your session goes well and gives you what you need.

 

[sun seeker]

I feel so weak and I'm afraid my therapist will just think I'm so weak or that I'm getting to attached to therapy or something. I don't want to admit that I need help and that things are really bad even though deep down I know they are.

What a great opportunity you will have to work on feeling this way, though! I am guessing you have issues around "being weak" and "needing help" that come up in other places besides therapy? You have the perfect chance in this new situation, where these feelings are being triggered, to work on them and question which to hold on to and which you might be ready to change.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes, it's strange how so much fear +/or self-reproach comes along with self-care or seeking sanity, at any times. Yet, we need, for example food or self-care daily to keep pace, & even that comes in to question. If you have the resources, I think it's a healthy choice if it brings you healing, help & peace. It is extremely difficult when you've never opened up to anyone before, or aren't inclined or feel badly doing so. Even working through that is difficult.

Best wishes to you. :hug:

 

[CPT_FURY]

I too am having this dilemma right now. It took everything I had today not to call up my therapist and ask if she had an extra opening for this week. My current appointment isn't until late in the week. I had a bad weekend, really a bad two weeks. I tried to keep myself and mind occupied, but that only helps so much. I feel guilty just thinking about asking her for two sessions this week. I didn't call, but I picked up the phone a few times. I don't know why I feel so much shame.