Givrali
MyPTSD Pro
I know no one but my abuser knows what's going on in my abuser's head but a bit of talk about how abuser as siblings can react would be good enough to me
My story happened this way :
We are a family of two parents and three children, my abuser is the oldest and a man and I'm the youngest and the only daughter. When I was around 7 and him around 13 he watched Porno and want to test ideas. He used me for the test, my mother realized what happened and immediately took action to justice. Justice concluded he was too young to fully understand how bad was what he has done to me. Parents put both of us in therapy and sent him in another town to go to school only going back on weekend.
Nothing more happened for years.
Our mother died from an accident but my father couldn't replace her as parent since he was having a demanding job. He hired someone for housework he finally paid to babysit all of us. She was having for habit to do massages to us.
Around my 11 my abuser found he could touch me under the promise of massages. I immediately knew he was touching me in ways he shouldn't but keep carving for massages.
️It goes more explicitly from now️
He was actually massaging me but rapidly go to not-here zones. Could places me between his leg and mimic sexual acts. He always undress me completely but never undress himself. Sometimes I could feel he was hard because he was lying over me. The fact he did enter my down zone or just caressed it is lost to me.
️end of explicit part️
My memories sense of time is completely separate between abuse and the rest of my life so I can only guess it lasted years like this : like between 11 and 18, but impossible to place it in time markers. It didn't happened more than maybe 10 time the 11 part time I think.
Anyways at some point he did the mistake to use oil to massage me which odor I can't stand and that "woke me up". Just not going to the living room at night alone with him was needed to stop abuse.
At some point later our father got sick from cancer, got in remission and fall sick again to die this time. All this time my oldest brother seemed looking guilty to me. Later again my other brother told me he was aware for the 7 years old part and said oldest changed.
Oldest really changed at some point maybe while our father was sick. He stopped insulting me and made himself as helpful he could. When I decided to take action to justice i said I wanted my brother to know I did reported to police. I never knew if he knew that I did it. Because his age and my country law he never suffer from my report to police. When I told him later to stop messaging me first and to go through my curator for law needs he did it without questions.
From what I can see he actually regret his actions but couldn't take the risk to actually say he did it. He has a job he always want and a girlfriend.
Do I just see what I want to see ?
Also is everything understandable? English isn't my first language.
My story happened this way :
We are a family of two parents and three children, my abuser is the oldest and a man and I'm the youngest and the only daughter. When I was around 7 and him around 13 he watched Porno and want to test ideas. He used me for the test, my mother realized what happened and immediately took action to justice. Justice concluded he was too young to fully understand how bad was what he has done to me. Parents put both of us in therapy and sent him in another town to go to school only going back on weekend.
Nothing more happened for years.
Our mother died from an accident but my father couldn't replace her as parent since he was having a demanding job. He hired someone for housework he finally paid to babysit all of us. She was having for habit to do massages to us.
Around my 11 my abuser found he could touch me under the promise of massages. I immediately knew he was touching me in ways he shouldn't but keep carving for massages.
️It goes more explicitly from now️
He was actually massaging me but rapidly go to not-here zones. Could places me between his leg and mimic sexual acts. He always undress me completely but never undress himself. Sometimes I could feel he was hard because he was lying over me. The fact he did enter my down zone or just caressed it is lost to me.
️end of explicit part️
My memories sense of time is completely separate between abuse and the rest of my life so I can only guess it lasted years like this : like between 11 and 18, but impossible to place it in time markers. It didn't happened more than maybe 10 time the 11 part time I think.
Anyways at some point he did the mistake to use oil to massage me which odor I can't stand and that "woke me up". Just not going to the living room at night alone with him was needed to stop abuse.
At some point later our father got sick from cancer, got in remission and fall sick again to die this time. All this time my oldest brother seemed looking guilty to me. Later again my other brother told me he was aware for the 7 years old part and said oldest changed.
Oldest really changed at some point maybe while our father was sick. He stopped insulting me and made himself as helpful he could. When I decided to take action to justice i said I wanted my brother to know I did reported to police. I never knew if he knew that I did it. Because his age and my country law he never suffer from my report to police. When I told him later to stop messaging me first and to go through my curator for law needs he did it without questions.
From what I can see he actually regret his actions but couldn't take the risk to actually say he did it. He has a job he always want and a girlfriend.
Do I just see what I want to see ?
Also is everything understandable? English isn't my first language.