Sadly my main motivation to stopping self harm was to get my memories back. Now I’m at a standstill of not knowing if I want to quit again.I don't think asking your family what they remember or quitting self-harm are bad ideas on their own
I understand the desperation. Even though I can say I wouldn’t go that far, harming myself emotionally in order to get memories, I know how badly I want them to come back. If I knew my triggers I would trigger them now.but in my own experience, desperately wanting your memories back turns self-destructive quickly. When I was involved in court stuff I needed to remember more to be able to prove that my abuser was guilty. I wanted her in prison at all costs, so I was willing to do anything to get those memories back. I would regularly trigger myself into flashbacks to try and get more details. I was obsessed with searching my memory for more details. Doing these things to myself made me really unstable and miserable.
I wish being stable was a strong enough motivator. However, I always give in by telling myself I’ll get stable later.Your brain has hidden these memories from you to protect you and will probably only give them back to you as you heal and become more stable and functional.
I just don’t understand how more stable I can become.Trying to get them back on your own doesn't work, your subconscious decides when you get them back, at least in my experience. The best things I could do to get my memories back were to become more stable and be open to receiving the memories.