Warning Signs Of Suicide

[LoyalOne]

Yes, Sandra. My great-uncle and several of my close college friends. Also, my father accidentally drank himself to death before he could put his suicide plan into action. (bitter haha) I am starting to wonder why everyone tells me it is a bad idea, then goes and does it.

 

[Steph4]

Since people so often talk about others not wanting to see the pink elephant in the room, it somehow ended up being a code between my therapist and I. I can say it in sessions if I am too overwhelmed to talk. I can leave it on the emergency voice mail system. Or if I need help, now, I can text it to him. If he gets that from me, he knows I am in serious distress. We never intentionally set up a code word. But it has certainly been beneficial to me. I think those two little words have actually saved my life a few times.

On the other hand, most of the time, my therapist can tell when I am slipping. I guess when you have worked with someone as long as we have worked together, you begin to recognize patterns of behavior. If he sees these patterns starting he has us work very hard on trying to get them under control, putting safety nets in place, and making sure we maintain safe boundaries. Seems simple, but when you are in bad shape, it can be easier for people to take advantage of you because you simply don't have the strength to say no.
Steph

 

[mamachick]

I strongly agree that if we need medication-do not resist it. Did you know that having a sister that you are close with is a strength factor in preventing suicide in women? I can see that though I did not know that until recently. But what does close mean?

I once tried suicide and it is not worth it. The day I returned from the hospital, my sister called and said she wished she was dead, yadda yada because her husband didnt cater to her about something. I lover her very much but I had to distance myself a bit.

 

[Tinyflame]

stephkim4 maybe that could explain why it's hard to stand up for yourself at those times(?), or 'react'.
I've always thought a 'code word' is a good idea- maybe for the same reason that one just doesn't have the strength or energy to even face or attempt to face stating or verbalizing it with more explicit explanation.

And brat I agree understanding helps but the opposite seems to drain one out.

 

[jewel]

I wax and wane with my dark thoughts. Will it eve end? At times I feel like I am on the craziest roller coasters ride of my life and right now the ride is going down. It just happens, the thoughts just come. High pain, high stress, just be done with it all...that is my thought process. I is so much effort to push the dark thoughts away. This week is going to be a bad one. I'm alone, I canceled my T because I have a different doc to see then, I am starting EMDR, pain and stress on on red alt level.
I just needed to vent.

 

[shadowchaser]

This all reminds me of how I almost ended everything when I was young.

I was in third grade. I was so tierd of the pain I isolated from everyone. I was sneeking my moms pills from time to time. I cut open my arms. My mother barely even noticed. Honestly don't know how I died. I honestly believed that me living meant I was supposed to suffer. That it proved that I was bad. In high school I tried again. But this time there was a friend who noticed something was wrong and stopped me. I owe my life to that friend. He ended up taking his own life. I saw how he believed that no one was there that truely loved him. And the truth of it. How everyone was torn up. And the number of people who missed him. How I missed him.

It is not so much my friend stopping me that keeps me from trying this again. Its the knowledge that no matter how bad I believe it is that there are people out there who will miss me. I may not always be able to tell they are there but if nothing else my friend showed me that they are there.

RIP
Ryan
1979-1997

 

[Sandra]

They will never disclose the amount of people that jumped into Niagara Falls purposely to commit suicide, since they don't want people getting the idea of it being an easy way out which it usually is.

 

[Mercy]

fighting it.......then I remember all of you who have taken the time to comfort an support me. I hope I don't betray the caring people here.......

 

[crazylilpoet]

I've been telling everyone how I feel. Screaming for help. Talking till i'm blue in the face. Suicide is all I can think about. I've had all of the above. The situational things happen all at once! escape escape escape like a drum beat in my head. I've reached out to friends, family, my pastor, my old counselor. I keep telling people I think I need to go to the hospital but I don't know how with my 3 kids who I take care of while my husband works. No one gets it. No one understands I mean it and I am scared to death. I've been cutting myself. I've thought of all the different ways I could and the only one that seemed good painless was a gun which I can't do so that's good. I don't have one so I am safe. But now that i've been cutting there's this pull to just go a little further. This has been going on for weeks. I am scared to even be home alone now. I have so many triggers I fear one of these times I will just snap. I am trying to fight with everything in me but it is all consuming. No one is here for me. I don't want to die I just want the pain to end. I have literally been begging for help and no one gets it!

 

[Roline]

Crazylilpoet, I'm here for you if you'll let me. Message me anytime if you need to talk

I know exactly what you mean and I totally understand especiall when you say you dont want to die, you just want the pain to stop. I dont think I really wanted to die, I just wanted an escape. I too thought of a gun, and when the authorities found out about my plan I was put in hospital. I too have 3 children and it came as a huge shock to them and I too didn't have access to a gun, I just wanted everything to stop.

I still have bad days, very bad days sometimes, but not as bad as before.

Have you told anyone of your plan?

Sending you a ((((((((((((((((((((HUGE HUG))))))))))))))))))))))

Take care and look after yourself

Roline x

 

[Mercy]

Ditto, Roline. I want the pain to stop. It has been a heavy burden for far too long. It exhausts me.

Crazylilpoet. I hear you good and strong. You are suffering. You have told us you need help and no one is listening. Listen to yourself carefully. If you need inpatient care, be honest. Ask your husband to care for the kids. Let him figure out how.

Find out about your mental health resources where you are. I know this next step will not be easy because we are so often ashamed to ask for help. IMHO it is better for your kids to have a live Mummy than an embarrassed dead Mummy If you suicide the embarrassment will still be there. When you are ready or in deep need call the nearest hospital or ambulance service and check in. You will hopefully be safe. In the USA we can dial 911.

How are you doing today?

 

[crazylilpoet]

Thanks guys. The counselor I was seeing for the sexual assault wanted me to come back in so we could talk about getting me help for this. I'm actually feeling a glimmer of hope today. You are right about being embarrassed and I don't really understand it. I was thinking last night people have more sympathy for someone with diabetes or lung cancer even if said disease was from life style choices. Even more sympathy for alcoholics and drug addicts who chose to practice those things until it became an addiction. But for some reason there is still this taboo for mental illness. It's silly. There's something wrong me. I know there is. And I want help. Why should that be embarrassing? At least today I will get to talk to someone who isn't ignorant about ptsd.