General What are they thinking?

[LuckiLee]

We're ok. He's still on edge so we're going slow. We haven't talked about what happened over the weekend yet. He needs to be in a better place before we can tackle that.

He has so many stressors going on right now so I'm not surprised he had a meltdown. It was inevitable.

I give the man mad props because when he's in that place and can't calm himself he has no problem taking himself to the E.R. In the 6.5 years we have been together he's done it about 6 times. He didn't end up going this time. He went fishing instead. His favorite kind of therapy. ?

Thanks for checking on us, @Ronin!! ❤

 

[Ronin]

I give the man mad props

Mad props double.
For the fishing, too.

Thanks hard for the update on both of you. :tup:

 

[apear1818]

The missing part and not telling them...when I asked my ex, if he had missed me, he would say ofcourse I have. When I asked why he never texted me and told me that, he would say...I don’t have the need to do that. He once said...so if you don’t hear from me for a while, do you think that means I am not thinking about you. I told him that when he pulled away from me and only texted me blah blah blah every few days and I didn’t see him for a week or more, I had no way of knowing, if he actually missed me or still wanted me. I know now that for sufferers, when pulling away, it is a matter of surviving or feeling numb...but for supporters it feels like everything is over ?

I've read this over and over again trying not to let my negative thoughts get the best of me. I know in my heart that my boyfriend want's to be with me but it's so hard not having heard from him at all in almost two weeks; he usually will text me a couple of times during his isolation, but this time I haven't gotten anything. I have to constantly and actively remind myself that it is not me, and he is just trying to survive what ever he is going through and just get through the day. The only thing that has provided me comfort is this forum and that I can see that he is watching my snapchat stories, which I find very strange but at least I know he is OK. He won't reply to any of my texts (which I have cut out almost completely after finding this forum) and hasn't reached out at all, but he has watched every single one of my snap chat stories... does anyone have any thoughts on this?
Also, the rollercoaster of emotions that go along with this are mind-boggling; on Monday I was completely fine and feeling like my normal self again, honestly feeling great! On Tuesday I felt numb though was slightly emotional towards the end of the day, and then on Wednesday (today), everything has hit me like a ton of bricks and I had a break down and I've barely kept it together.
I miss him so much and he is absolutely worth the wait and I feel selfish as a supporter by not being able to keep it together all of the time because I know he is dealing with so much worse.

 

[Butterfly64]

The quote was mine ? I am sorry that things have not improved. I also felt ok some days...and then I felt bad again. My guy would usually text me every few days when he pulled away...blah blah messages. You not hearing from him must be hell. Maybe it is time to walk away? It is not easy...but it can be done. He texted me again this afternoon...I told him I was on a dating site...felt good! There is no way, I am going back to him...it is simply not worth it, because he is no way ready for a relationship. It doesn’t matter if he wants to be in a relationship with you if he can’t....you can’t safe him....sorry ?

 

[apear1818]

@Butterfly64 Oh! Sorry, I thought it automatically put who the quote was by when I replied! :)
I want to hang in a little bit longer because when he is around he's so worth the wait... I mean just an incredible stand up guy that I want to be with. We haven't gotten to have the "boundaries" conversation yet so I can't say that I've tried all avenues to make things work yet. However, I can only hang on for so long with out hearing anything at all from him, so we'll see where I'm at in a couple of weeks (I want to be there for him though).
If you don't mind me asking, and I apologize if this is redundant as you may have answered it in another part of the thread that I didn't see, but how were you able to tell that he was not ready for a relationship?
Thank you for your input @Butterfly64 !

 

[LuckiLee]

@apear1818, Personally I couldn't go two weeks without hearing from my guy. PTSD or not. I need more quality time from a relationship. He would be getting his needs met but I wouldn't be getting mine met. Life is too short not to be loved the way we want to be loved.

It's up to you what you can handle. Someone around here said "isolators are gonna isolate". Can you deal with this indefinitely? Multiple times a year?

If he needs to isolate from your relationship maybe he isn't healthy enough for a relationship?

I went back and reread your post above... He's your ex? Then why would he reach out to you? That may sound harsh but if you're broken up???? I don't understand what you want from him now?

 

[Butterfly64]

We were friends/neighbours for fours years first. At that time he said that he was going to be single forever. I didn’t know he had PTSD at that point, but I knew he had been very attracted to me almost from when we met. I was divorced summer 2017 and he said that he was in love with me....he talked about us moving in together...a few weeks into it he panicked...wanted to be single...then he was maybe ready for a relationship...then he wasn’t. I know he is obsessed with me still...but the word relationship scares him soooo much! So I finally let go in May...and have said no about nine times to get back together...to be exclusive but not in a relationship

 

[apear1818]

Personally I couldn't go two weeks without hearing from my guy. PTSD or not. I need more quality time from a relationship. He would be getting his needs met but I wouldn't be getting mine met. Life is too short not to be loved the way we want to be loved.

It's up to you what you can handle. Someone around here said "isolators are gonna isolate". Can you deal with this indefinitely? Multiple times a year?

If he needs to isolate from your relationship maybe he isn't healthy enough for a relationship?

I went back and reread your post above... He's your ex? Then why would he reach out to you? That may sound harsh but if you're broken up???? I don't understand what you want from him now?

Hi there,

I'm not sure if that question was for me or not, but I'm still with my boyfriend, we haven't broken up.
Yes it's been really tough and I'm taking it day by day; each day is a different set of emotions.
And before I make any big decisions (for the time being) I would really like to just be able to talk to him about everything and be able to have that "boundary" conversation. I've already dealt with it multiple times and I think I can deal with it indefinitely, but with boundaries in place. And yes, I'm keeping in the back of my mind that he may not be able to have a relationship right now, which definitely sucks.

 

[LuckiLee]

Oh. Reply #927 you said "ex". I guess you were quoting someone???

 

[apear1818]

Oh. Reply #927 you said "ex". I guess you were quoting someone???

Oh yes, I accidentally didn't quote @Butterfly64 them correctly.. I goofed up somewhere and tried to correct it a post or two after.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Ok guys... I just edited everything for clarity. Please use the quote feature and not copy-paste. Thanks.

 

[apear1818]

Ok guys... I just edited everything for clarity. Please use the quote feature and not copy-paste. Thanks.

Thank you! Now that I think about it, I think that's what I did. My bad!