What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

[Sandra]

Hugs for everyone.

 

[jo may]

I feel rejected, tired, fed up, pi$$ed off, sad, lonely and lost.

I'm worried as normally bout this time I start buying stuff for christmas, I haven't this year and I don't see myself doing it any time soon. I'm not looking forward to it this year, all I see when I think about it is hard work and noise.
Even told the hubby I'm not cooking this year, maybe we could go out my treat!

I feel like my best friend gave me the best advice today and that was to distance myself from my mum for a bit.

My PTSD is scaring me at the moment as I feel I'm going downhill again.

 

[Iam]

(((Jo May)))

 

[Icon Nikon]

All full up - like a sponge that can't absorb anymore water, I can't find anymore nooks or crevasses to stuff my mounting pain into.

Beat up and frustrated - that a 24hr anaphylactic reaction hospital hold has turned into a nightmarish and insane 3 month stay in and isolated and airlocked room (like the cancer rooms I used to design and control).

Sad and helpless - sad that due to the masks I don't even get to see another human being smile. And helpless that my health has declined into sudden onset renal failure with no identified cause. Sad and helpless that for much of the 3 months I have had no voice to speak with, only these type-written words, which thanks to the first of two surgeries has left me with only one eye that can focus to read.

Depressed - because today would have been my little furry one's birthday, but I lost him and buried him right before I entered this hellish place. And because I lost a friend. And because it is a holiday weekend and I once again get the pleasure of knowing that i truly do not matter (not one single family member cared where I have been all this time and all made plans to go to NY together).

Hopeless - because I can't find a therapist to work with and because the only medication that helped be get through each day was stopped (not substituted but stopped). Now I have absolutely no relief and no local or tangible resources.

Hurting in silence - phyiscally and emotionally. And too alone with myself and my thoughts. Missing being at my house with my remaining boys. And having no life left.

Wanting the pain to stop at all cost - I don't care what happens to my body when the me somewhere inside it is already dead. I was just smelling the formaldehyde before, but now I am ingesting it quite easily.

If lucky, I will expire overnight rather than waking up to another lifeless day. Sorry, not the holiday cheer that others expect, but I've lost almost everything there is to lose and now one of my other boys seems to be struggling and I can't be there to know what to do. I'm so sorry, Rusty...

Take care everyone!

 

[Iam]

(((Icon))) It's hard to watch our kids go thru stuff Icon. I'm right there with you. Hang in there, they need you!

 

[lifeguard17]

Today I'm feeling bleak. I haven't done any of the work I need to, my flatmates are using me to sound off to about each other, my groups are expecting me to tell them what we are going to do to be marked on, and more and more responsibility is being piled on my shoulders. I can't take anymore.

 

[Srain]

((((((((((((Icon))))))))))) you have been through hell this past several months and loss of beloved pet is devastating on top of it. I can feel your pain through words and wish I could give you the real hugs you deserve right now. I can't imagine what it was like for you to go through so much physically on top of what you already were dealing with but it seems to me that it is always the aftermath that is the most difficult to handle. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I want you wake and be here with us because you do matter, not only to your children but those of us that have come to care very much about you.

((((((((Iam)))))))))))((((((((((Lifeguard)))))))))))

I am managing the migraine, got some broken nightmarish sleep, but forced myself back out for a walk with the Girls early this morning. It was refreshing out and I managed to work on staying somewhat grounded. I feel a bit more present but cautious still. I will be alone today and don't really want to talk to anyone. I feel like I'm on delicate ground with extreme nausea from all that is going on. I just hope there are no issues this morning to upset where I'm at.

 

[CraftyCath]

((((Icon)))) ((((lifeguard))))

Can I come too?

Of course you can Iam! x

Other times I'd realize I'd been "gone", missed part of the conversation and I'd try to cover my butt.

Gosh, this is so me at the moment Iam! My T had to bring me back loads recently. My son just shouts 'mum!' and I realise I've not been there. It is exhausting and I have to work really hard at staying focused. I truly hope this wont last forever but if you came throught it Iam, then it encourages me that I will too.

Thanks Iam. x

I feel stressed that I have to sort the bathroom out before the plumber comes to fit the new loo.
I'm excited because I'm going away for a few days, just me and my H.

 

[CraftyCath]

If lucky, I will expire overnight rather than waking up to another lifeless day.

:cry:

((((Icon))))

I'm with Rain, you are a wonderful person and we care deeply for you. Post often. Thoughts, prayers and hugs for you. x

 

[Molly Anne]

Sad and resentful. I want to go "home" but not sure where that is... because I'm at home with mom for the holiday, but I feel worse than before I was here. That awkward moment when...?

 

[jo may]

Thank you to everyone who sent me a hug, I really needed them.:) (((Hugs))) to all that need them.

Today I feel a bit more with it today but I haven't had pills yet, I'm still worried about my baby but I have spoken to her support worker so I feel a bit better. I'm still low but I feel like I have a bit of my old fight back today.

 

[Deleted member 6617]

Very Sad not to be with my family.
Very blessed to have a family to be with.
Trying to muster up the courage to face the day with a smile.