What do i do about myself?

[Deleted member 28403]

I see that I greatly annoy many people on here, and I try to fix it, but I don't know what to do, I don't know if something I'm writing is wrong, I don't know if this I'm writing now is right or just annoys people, I'm messed up with my really low EQ, unabilty to deal with many of simplest social situation...

I'm sorry, I'm sorry to everyone for annoying you, making you feel bad about me and posting such content, I wish I could be a different person, not the self centered asshole I often seem to be. I'm sorry.

In real life, I hold everything in, a lot, I don't react to peoples provocations, letting it collect up, but don't quite have a way to valve all that stress, I want to change that about myself but am unsure how. I try but in the end, what is left is just me, a messed up person with very little control over emotions... Whenever stress tops the glass, it breaks, and is replaced with a new one eventually, but the stress is valved onto anyone nearby, I'm sorry for being such an awful person. I'm scared that by saying this now I'm annoying people, causing staff stress and getting myself to a ban. I don't know what to do.

I am sorry for everything I have done.

Please tell me what annoys you the most about me, so I can try to make a list, try to fix myself enough to be able to live in a normal human society, so I can be normal enough.

Also, any tips and advice on how to make myself a different person would help.

Thank you, and please take my apologizes for everything I did wrong :cry:

 

[Nam]

Dude...you are taking advice that people have given you and turning that into a way to hurt yourself. That is not the intent of most people on this forum. Even the ban on you was because of people that care for your well-being and also the well-being of others on this forum. Your situation is unique. You are young, trapped in a situation you don't have much control. You're also a teenager. And I tell you, so many thoughts go wonky during this time of your life.

For now, in your life, you are going to have to armor yourself to cope until you can get out. Start planning. Look toward the future. You will eventually get there and life will change. If that means that you can't get to "healing" right this minute, then you can heal later. Many of us survived during horrible childhoods to work on our traumas later in life. You can do it too. The advice that was given mostly was to help you with this armor, because there isn't much else you can do. It's not hopeless, but confining.

Don't stop talking, or writing. Start that diary.

 

[anthony]

I don't know if this I'm writing now is right or just annoys people

There is a difference between annoying someone, annoying people, and right and wrong. Posting this, actually, the way you have posted it, is wrong.

Please look at what you posted and tell me why?

There is no point me, or anyone, giving you the answer. You tell me what will come from what you have just posted, please.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

@anthony

I don't know for sure, I can't determine. I hope I say the right thing now.

• I started talking in a way that shows people how bad my situation is, making it a pity party
• I repeated myself a lot
• Maybe repeating that I want to be a different person
• Saying so much about how bad I am at certain stuff instead of simply asking for advice in a few sentences
• Talking bad about myself and maybe making people feel guilty

I don't know for any of these for sure...

I am not sure what will come from what I just posted.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Maybe it's time for action/practicality? :) The forum has showed you to be very engaged and involved in your situation, and some have come up with great advice. To write that diary, and probably others have contributed advice as well.

You already apologized to the members of the forum in your other post and it was clear that you meant well.
So what's done is done (I think). I can't word it any better than Nam, to work on getting through the current situation as best as you can, using the tools and support you receive on here.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think JoeyLittle gave you some good advice a few days ago when she advised to use the : cry : smiley sparingly. I think the overuse of that smiley aided in bringing down chat.

 

[rightkindofme]

I haven't been following your posting history. I know nothing about you annoying people or being banned. I'm pretty sure I've seen one post from you, but I don't recall the content all that clearly. I'm saying that just to give you perspective on where I'm coming from when I write this.

Asking people to come up with a list of things that are "wrong" about you in order for you to go change them is... not a healthy approach to life. There is no way for that to go well.

You are going to annoy people. That's life. I annoy people. Pretty much everyone annoys me. It's ok. Don't try to change so you can stop annoying people. It won't work. And you will be super fake and that is hecka annoying.

You are what you are. I don't know about your EQ, so that's up to you.

You are baiting the staff. If you tell them over and over that they will punish you... uhm... you're right. They will. Because you are baiting them.

I'm a former English teacher so when I'm trying to explain something I often like to point out the *specific* meaning of a word that I mean. Baiting can mean lots of things. In particular I'm taking two definitions: 2. To entice or provoke, especially by trickery or strategy & 4. To taunt or torment (someone), as with persistent insults or ridicule. (taken from: Dead Link Removed)

If you poke at the staff and tell them you are bad, annoying and terrible and you should be banned...

Whoa. No where to go from there.

By the way: I do the exact same thing all the time. I can describe this well because I have the exact same problem and I get spanked for it all the time. Totally irritating.

Don't come to us and say, "Tell me how to be." We can't. We aren't your bosses or judges or parents or whatever.

But! Folks respond really well to, "I would like to learn {specific skill} and I'm not sure how to even begin. Any ideas?"

Specific skills can be as simple as "I would like to be better at reading facial expressions. Does anyone have any idea how I would learn more about that?"

There are books. Hundreds of books. Websites. Classes. People would help guide you. Lots of folks on this site (Like me!!) kind of live for those moments of feeling Yoda-like and useful.

But you have to give us something to work with. You have to come with a personality and the right to exist. You may be obnoxious: join the club. Lots of people here are obnoxious. (Like me!)

Don't tell us how much we have to hate you. We all hear those tapes anyway about ourselves and they get really old.

(Good grief I did a lot of speaking in the royal "we" in this post. Uhm... despite my frequent poor word choices indicating that I have been nominated to speak for a group all views belong to just me. Ahem.)

 

[anthony]

I don't know for sure, I can't determine. I hope I say the right thing now.

This thread you created wasn't a pity party thread, but it was an emotionally written one. This isn't about you, as a person.

What you did wrong in the way this thread is posted, and what threads like this do, is you wrote an emotionally charged post and linked being banned into that (administrative) and then further linked "causing staff stress" into the wording.

Posts like this then create a disconnect for other emotional persons who read that, then conclude they have to make some kind of choice, between picking you and your emotional situation as they empathise and sympathise with you, or choose the community and staff policies and procedures. Many will not pick either, but emotionally charged persons, as you are, who can regulate how they often post, will still see a choice in your post, as though staff are the bad guys and you are just an innocent emotional boy.

I got to this immediately to avoid it, and I hope it does just that. Posts like that are asking for problems, and thus then staff have to prove themselves to be some type of bad guy because they close it, action it, so forth. Here is just a small snippet of your threads created recently... take a look at just the opening lines that can be seen on the searchable threads image below. The majority open with an emotional pity party, repetitive in nature, which is my point to you about your help desk thread. Create a thread, keep it all in there, or in your diary. One place... nowhere else... no repetitive threads of the same thing, written a different way, but outlining the same issue.

 

[rightkindofme]

Sounds like maybe the solution is a diary, which you can update as many times as you need to with "I hate me I hate me I hate me" reruns (I have a blog for that: I'm not saying it to be judgmental.) so you can focus your other posts on the other things you want to write about. You have some diversity. You are looking for positive bonding with the Christmas/New Years ones. (Based on what anthony posted.)

Diaries are really awesome. Someone can go read your whole archive and learn a lot about you and give you useful feedback.

 

[sun seeker]

I'm sorry, I'm sorry to everyone for annoying you, making you feel bad about me and posting such content, I wish I could be a different person, not the self centered asshole I often seem to be. I'm sorry.

You haven't annoyed me, for one. I don't know if that makes you feel any better. I don't see you as a "self centered asshole" at all. I see you as a kind, sensitive person with an amazing amount of insight and intelligence for someone so young, who is in an unfortunately very stressful situation and sometimes needs to vent. I'm fine with the venting as long as it stays within forum guidelines. It might help if at the beginning of a post where that is all you are doing, you would be specific, i.e. "this is a vent, I don't need advice about this". But it doesn't bother me either way, it just might get you more of the result you are looking for.

Also, you reply to other people's posts, give encouragement and words of welcome, acknowledge the kindnesses of others, apologize when you feel you have offended someone... how does that fit with being self centred?

The one time something you wrote was worrisome to me was in the post last week that got you banned, because of the extreme feelings you posted about. I'm still concerned about the level of anger you are feeling and maybe this could be a topic for brainstorming when you are ready. But I'm not annoyed with you, and I am glad you are here. Really truly. :)

 

[scout86]

Please tell me what annoys you the most about me, so I can try to make a list, try to fix myself enough to be able to live in a normal human society, so I can be normal enough.

What "annoys" me about you the most is the constant, frantic apologizing.

Not that I don't get the feeling, because I DO, I deeply and truly do.

Here's the thing. There is nothing WRONG with YOU! You do not need "fixing". You need to take a deep breath and relax, maybe. Trying hard is a good thing. But it's possible to try hard in ways that are self destructive or at least not productive.

Are you familiar with the American expression "Spinning your wheels"? It refers to a driver stepping too hard on the accelerator, causing the tires to turn faster than to coefficient of friction alows them to grip the surface. It makes a lot of noise, kicks up a lot of dust, and doesn't get you anywhere. You're spinning your wheels a lot. (I had a good friend who used to point it out to me when I did that. He pointed it out a LOT.)

Rather that fretting about what everyone else wants you to be, think about who YOU want to be. You have choices. Lots of them. Be the best possible version of yourself. Better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you're not. And plenty of people will love you for who you are. Most people here will.

 

[risingsun]

I am most certainly not annoyed by you. If anything, I get concerned because you are young and going through a hard time. But Focus on what you are good at and what you do right rather than the opinions of others. No one's opinion truly matters. I learned that the hard way of always trying to gain the approval of others, imagining how they thought of me (sometimes I was right in my assessment and sometimes I wasn't), and often I took on criticisms of people that truly didn't know the inner me. After a while, I lost me, my self esteem, and became highly self-critical. In the end, I realized that all that truly matters is how I see me. Same for you. All that matters is your opinion of yourself and not the opinions of others. Focus on the true you and silence the critical tongue of the masses. Take on the advice of others if it resonates with you and kindly dismiss the advice that doesn't feel right.

I agree with Nam. Learn healthy ways to cope as tough as your situation may be right now. We are all given challenges in this world, but really they are challenges that the universe knows that we can handle. So as far as your situation goes, do the best you can and stretch yourself to come out on top. You can do this. You really can. Focus on what you do "right" and build on that.

Find a passion, start with something small if you're unsure regarding your passion right now, and go with it. Put your all into it. And you will find that you'll feel better about yourself, your self esteem will grow, and your passion will ignite other passions that you may have never conceived.
And it will bring you out of your unhealthy thinking and towards a healthy self image.

I don't really know your story all that well, but I do know that you express yourself and you do have the ability to think back on your words/actions. This ability to self reflect and express how you feel about it is half the battle. Many people on this earth don't know how to self reflect nor express emotions. They are shut down completely. This is good. You are in touch with how you feel and you haven't closed off your heart to the world. That is definitely a start; a place to begin thinking about yourself in a positive way. It is a process to start to think healthier, to block out the negative thinking, and to grow into the authentic you, but you'll get there. Have confidence in yourself, know that you are doing the best you can with the situation you find yourself right in this moment, and that you can and will start thinking and acting more positively. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is so uncertain my friend, so try hard to stay in the now and not worry.

My prayers are with you. Life isn't easy especially when your a teen trying to make sense of this world but I know you will come out on top of your situation. My best to you, Rising Sun.