General What Do Supporters Think About Trauma?

[Purplemunchkin]

Do I need to know? No, all I need to know is that my sufferer is in pain, and I love him, and will help and support him however I can.

Do I want to know what the reasons are? Intellectually, yes as what he has told me has given me new insights and serves to remind me how real his experiences were (rather than an abstract idea). Emotionally, no as I find it deeply upsetting to hear about the things that he has experienced.

 

[BigBear]

Do I need to know?

Everyone has limits. Mine are different than yours which are different than anyone else's. Exceeding your limits is always a bad idea! It is also turns into bad for the sufferer. So, definitely stay within your limits!

Bear

 

[Sighs]

I think the level of detail is something the sufferer and the supporter need to talk about before they discuss the trauma. For example, a good friend of mine has DID due to severe sexual abuse as a child. I have told her that I cannot handle hearing the details and she has always respected that. I'm happy to talk to her about how she feels, how her therapy is going, I've "met" a number of her alters etc etc, but I do not want to hear the details of her abuse.

On the other hand my partner has slowly opened up about the details of his combat experiences and I have not (yet) felt the need to tell him I can't handle hearing the details.

Essentially I agree with Bear above but I am saying that you could discuss this with your supporter(s) beforehand.

 

[Meadowsweet]

This has turned into quite an interesting thread. It's obviously a question for which there is no 'rule' or common consensus about. What it shows, is how different individual supporters wants and needs are, and the minefield that people who have been through trauma go through trying to do what's right for their partner, and also to protect themselves.

@Sighs ,I'm not sure that many people would know how they would feel until they'd heard those details. However, I think talking about the possible effects for both the partner and the person with PTSD, is an important discussion to have. At least this way, both may learn why the other does or doesn't want to hear, or equally why the other does or doesn't want to speak about it. At least this way, even if the couple have different requirements, they can find understanding and hopefully respect for the others feelings.