Idk, I was thinking how though years ago I threw out any pictures of myself from childhood up (there weren't many), but my sister insisted on keeping a school one when i was 7 (I didn't want her to). She threw it out recently. I should say without fanfare that I'm aware of, only rage, disgust and hatred I suspect. Which feels kind of- like being thrown out. So I guess I wish I had a sense of safety, or a place in the world I didn't have to beg for in vain, whether that rejection was violent or polite, but nonetheless is what it is. It is difficult to have to exist but not belong anywhere. I suppose that is 'unwanted' but notched up a few hundred levels. Or so it feels.
Yet strangely, I don't care to belong to anything or any one anymore. Their decisions and opinion of me is not my business. I just wish I could leave and disappear.