It was a great article, and this has been a great post. Thank you for sharing this post. It has brought about much though when I do have trouble focusing or just don't think about these kinds of things to often. I don't have one person that has caused ptsd for me. Evidently, mine began in childhood but was triggered when a cop thought I was someone else and assaulted me. For a few years I hated him and could not see any good in him. I came to distrust the legal system where I live because others knew and covered things up. Years later (during a civil suit) he made a plea bargain and is no longer a cop and can't have a firearm. Since then, I have began to heal. It didn't feel like justice was really served but hey....thats life. I think if I was severely abused as a child or under certain circumstances, Im not so sure I would not believe a person is truly evil.
Then I have to look at the flip side of things and look at myself. I am generally a compassionate and forgiving person by nature. I don't see things as black and white. I have a lot of empathy and have been a bit soft most of my life. The above incident on top of some other things led to my being bitter and hard for a few years. I took it out on those around me, though unintentional, I am still guilty of it. It felt like it changed who I was. Logically, I know another person can not do that, my I am not the person that I use to be.
There was an official who knew what happened to me and did not stand up for me back then. He even made fun of the situation. Today that man was indicted by the feds on some very serious charges and will likely serve jail time. Five years ago I would have been glad. Today, I am very sad knowing the suffering of this man and his family, and actually have concerns that he might be suicidal. I am trying to be indifferent about all this in the local news and chalk it up to lifes checks and balances which I strongly believe in, Karma.
During the years that I was so angry, I admit that I felt like a bad person. I was defensive and the anger robbed me of my health and energy. I was convinced that everyone else was looking down on me as well. I agree totally that there is no black and white regarding good and bad, but it just reminds me how true it is that hurt people, hurt people. Intention is often irrelevant. As they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I was injured physically and mentally, and I wanted to make sure that this did not happen to anybody else, but it did anyway. Another woman was assaulted and a gun put to her head too before he was fired. How many people did I unintentionally injure during these years? Does that make me a bad person? Was it selfish to pursue action being taken against this cop? I say it was to protect others and that is the kind of person I am, but it was also for myself! I had never committed a crime and thought I was a good person, and it burst my damn bubble to know that a cop could get away with this.(when I say good I mean ethically, values, intentions, honesty, etc)
Anyway, Im not good or bad....just human. Im changed. My beliefs have changed. I can say I feel less good. Its easy to do good deeds when life is wonderful, when you have financial stability and a loving family. Its much more a challenge when one is broke and feel alone.
Then I have to look at the flip side of things and look at myself. I am generally a compassionate and forgiving person by nature. I don't see things as black and white. I have a lot of empathy and have been a bit soft most of my life. The above incident on top of some other things led to my being bitter and hard for a few years. I took it out on those around me, though unintentional, I am still guilty of it. It felt like it changed who I was. Logically, I know another person can not do that, my I am not the person that I use to be.
There was an official who knew what happened to me and did not stand up for me back then. He even made fun of the situation. Today that man was indicted by the feds on some very serious charges and will likely serve jail time. Five years ago I would have been glad. Today, I am very sad knowing the suffering of this man and his family, and actually have concerns that he might be suicidal. I am trying to be indifferent about all this in the local news and chalk it up to lifes checks and balances which I strongly believe in, Karma.
During the years that I was so angry, I admit that I felt like a bad person. I was defensive and the anger robbed me of my health and energy. I was convinced that everyone else was looking down on me as well. I agree totally that there is no black and white regarding good and bad, but it just reminds me how true it is that hurt people, hurt people. Intention is often irrelevant. As they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I was injured physically and mentally, and I wanted to make sure that this did not happen to anybody else, but it did anyway. Another woman was assaulted and a gun put to her head too before he was fired. How many people did I unintentionally injure during these years? Does that make me a bad person? Was it selfish to pursue action being taken against this cop? I say it was to protect others and that is the kind of person I am, but it was also for myself! I had never committed a crime and thought I was a good person, and it burst my damn bubble to know that a cop could get away with this.(when I say good I mean ethically, values, intentions, honesty, etc)
Anyway, Im not good or bad....just human. Im changed. My beliefs have changed. I can say I feel less good. Its easy to do good deeds when life is wonderful, when you have financial stability and a loving family. Its much more a challenge when one is broke and feel alone.
