Relationship What Does Love Feel Like When Isolating

[Dalepitoo]

This is a question I hope that both supporters and sufferers will be able to help with. I have read through some of the threads to understand what isolation looks like from the perspective of the sufferer but so far I can't find any info on how to understand how love is experienced by a sufferer who is isolating. Supporters all too often, feel abandoned when their partners isolate. It is hard to believe you are loved when this happens. Are sufferers aware of their love for supporters during this time? What do they feel in the long run and after isolating. I know this is a general question that probably differs depending on the person, but would love some insight into this issue which I personally struggle a lot with.

 

[Delta62]

For me, this is a difficult question to answer but I will try my best here. In all honesty there are times I don't want to go to events or be around crowds due to lack of trust, high anxiety levels, or I sense I am in danger. On the flipside though I am beginning to sense love by another persons actions or how things are said to me. It takes a lot of effort and patience on my end though too as I slowly work through therapy. As a rule with myself, I have to tell myself to take a chance because I don't always need to be on alert.

 

[p-no]

Dalepitoo, I am a sufferer and hope it's okay, I answer the question from my perspective.

Are sufferers aware of their love for supporters during this time?

When I isolate (that is hours or few days, plus telling my partner (now ex) that I need a few hours, a day or two alone), I do it to spend time with me. It's really like spending time with a friend, but that friend is also me. What I'm trying to say is, I am probably not aware of my love for my partner then, simply because I am doing other things, some of which might be thinking about my partner and the relationship, but not necessarily. Do I love my partner less, though, no.

What do they feel in the long run and after isolating.

I feel I can't answer this question because I do not really know what you are referring to by "in the long run". After isolating though, I feel refreshed in a way, maybe "more in order on the inside" fits better. For me, it's like having straightened up my living room that was a bit messy before: put books back on the shelves, watered the plants, dusted, etc. I feel better than and I can go on living my life with all that entails (i.e. work, relationship, etc.).

 

[Dalepitoo]

Thankyou Delta 62 and Prime-No!:-) That really helps me to understand how it feels as someone who cannot understand it through first hand experience.

 

[Spring]

Thank y'all so much for postin' the answers. It really gives us Supporters some insight, relief, and positive encouragement.

 

[NCLove]

Prime-No, your answer gave me so much clarity. I'm the supporter of a combat veteran with a TBI and PTSD. Right now he's going through a difficult time with his family (his dad was diagnosed with cancer) and one second he is clinging to me for support while the next he is banishing me from his life for the moment. It hurts, but I'm trying my best to put that aside and understand that he needs this time for him and it has nothing to do with me. Thank you.

 

[99Phoenix99]

Hi there, I have PTSD and was perusing through this section for supporters (I don't frequent this section often enough unfortunately) but as I was reading this thread I realized that the question you posed Dalepitoo is almost exactly the same as a thread I was involved in last year.

The Thread was labeled "Why Did he Push Away?"

My question is, why do they push away the ones who care the most and know what's going...well, for the most part? And do they care about losing us? Did they even care at all?

[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/why-did-he-push-away.29005/#post-458047[/DLMURL] I forget if I'm allowed to post the link or if the quote will suffice (sorry if I'm not supposed to moderators)

In any case I think it would prove to be a very interesting read for you because everything I wrote in that thread I would aplly to your question as well.

Best,

Phoenix.

 

[TLight]

As a sufferer, I liked the analogy of putting my inner world back in order. I had to move away from my husband recently. It's been two weeks and I'm just now getting energy, feeling a little bit more sane, and calm. Honestly, I could stay isolated a lot, if not forever.

Hurt him? After 5 years he's so used to it after fbs he just leaves and 'checks' on me now and again. Usually I'm in the midst of deep dark depression and exhaustion and just want to sleep. However, now that I'm in my own place.....I'm liking it. No stress. Just me and my cat. People are triggers for me, even those who say they care. OK, you care, but you still trigger me....so I have to isolate.

 

[Dalepitoo]

Thankyou Phoenix:-) I am going to read the thread now.

I guess it is the confusion and inability to understand TLight, that is terribly hurtful. Understanding brings a certain peace and acceptance and I guess your husband is thankfully in that position.

 

[Worried]

Great thread, I'm new here and won't bore you with my story. I'm hopelessly in love with my guy and I tell him everyday I'm here for him and I love him. When he responds and we talk a little I tell him if I'm saying too much to tell me and I'll back off but it's been very difficult to go from talking to him every chance I get to only once every few days. I've seen him once in 2 weeks and he did tell me he loved me then but when we are texting he doesn't. Thank you for the clarity Phoenix, I see a lot of him in your post.

I'm not giving up on him, I know he's still in there so I'll wait till he comes out.