Relationship What If He Forgets How We Used To Be?

[Nelson2015]

Okay... So when my fiancé first broke up with my due to his Combat PTSD with TBI it was abrupt. It was something I never thought would happen. I was building a life with him, and now our future is so uncertain.

Other than his therapist (which I pray he really is seeing), a support group, and 1 friend... I am the only one who knows what's going on. Out of all those people I am the only one who loves him... loves unconditionally. I am 100% a supporter through this. He knows this, but I'm sure still doesn't want me involved. He has opened up 2 timespecially in the last month slightly.

I know he can't love me right now... Even though that messes with my brain more than anything. But in a couple weeks time he went from never wanting to be together again to saying maybe in the future we can work things out.

My concern is... I am supporting him, so I'm kind of just a friend for now. That's the way it has to be. I asked a lot of questions at first... getting me nowhere. When I finally felt like we were on the same page I stopped asking questions. The problem is... a month goes by and I think... Has/will he forgotten that I love him since he himself can't love? I don't want to drag him down with my petty problems, so does/will he think I'm better off without him?

I don't want him to forget how much I love him since I can't really show it.

 

[ShotGunRider]

Hi @Nelson2015. I'm new to this forum, but it's helped me better understand what's going on in my boyfriend's mind. Quite frankly, it's not logical and doesn't ever make sense, so I'm left with questions and anxiety. What I'm beginning to understand is that his "isolation" periods are, in fact, logical for him. No one can tell you what your significant other is going to do, but I, like you, continue to maintain hope. I've accepted that it may get worse and may never get better.

I haven't spoken with my significant other for a week or so now. Historically, he shuts down within a few days of displaying "funk" symptoms. For us, "funk" symptoms are less complimentary, less affectionate, less communicative, and less emotional. That's usually when it hits, and I've gotten pretty good at predicting when it'll hit. Once he shuts off, there's absolutely no turning him around. Only one time have I pulled him out of this tail-spin, for him to leave a few days later. He's cold and emotionless, and says hurtful things to push me away more ("I don't love you", "I don't see myself with you"), whereas the week before he's planning a long-term future for us.

I, personally, think the best thing you can do is give him space. I imagine you've done a lot to not only show, but prove your love for him. Therefore, it shouldn't leave room for him to doubt it. Ultimately, both of us are less satisfied when I fight to keep the relationship afloat when he wants to break. It's awful going through these lows, but I firmly believe space is the best thing. I typically allow it to go a couple of weeks until he becomes "human" again (I hope this isn't offensive to any sufferers, but for a supporter, it seems like you're in love with a robot at this point), then he usually initiates conversation, or I will. They aren't robots and no matter how good they are at suppressing many emotions at times, it's arguably impossible to forget them or you. Swallow the pill of this may never ever get better. In an emotional state, it's easy to say you can handle it indefinitely, but take time for yourself to determine whether you're fooling yourself.