What is hypervigilance like for you?

[RCD_VET]

I have to draw a really hard line between vigilance -useful- and hypervigilance -not useful-.

A few examples:

- Vigilance = I may bolt up out of bed ready to fight when a person enters my room (or come all awake, but play asleep).
- Hypervig = I bolt up out of bed ready to fight when a mosquito farts 3 houses over :shifty:, or attack the person in the room without target identification :bag:

- Vigilance = Situational Awareness : I know everything going on at all times, and am acutely wired to any change in that situation, anything "wrong" pops like it's lit up by neon, and I can adapt fluidly.
- Hypervig = Overwhelmed by even the most mundane situations, I can't parse any of it, much less respond quickly and accurately to any piece of it. Everything "pops". Everything is too bright, too loud, too much.

Friday...I gotta ask. Were/Are you in the military?? I'm very much like both of your vigilance examples and have always just said it went back to military training. Civilians think it's crazy how aware I am to what is going on. Ever hear a kid crying in a mall at Christmas time? I can find that kid so fast! I also wonder if some of this extra awareness IS due to the trauma I faced. I lost a friend while serving overseas and have been overly protective since. Instead of looking for threats, I tend to be super aware of opportunities to protect. If I could have protected my friend he would still be alive. That kind of thinking.

I think it's important to note the difference between hypervigilance and hypersensitivity.

Hypervigilance is having a heightened sense of awareness of our surroundings. Hypersensitivity is having an increased reaction to our surroundings (sight i.e. light, sound i.e. volume or certain tones/frequency, feeling i.e. pressure, temperature, etc, and so on.)

Someone with ptsd can have hypervigilance, hypersensitivity, both, or neither.

These definitions actually go along with what Friday posted. I see the examples written as hypervigilance and hypersensitivity rather than vigilance and hypervigilance

 

[Beekeeper]

I am showing this to my hubby!!! I do this and I've never been able to convince him it's a "thing" :)...

My hypervigilance is much less now that it used to be.. (the deathwish doesn't help). I no longer wal...

Yes I know about that place where you are totally off your guard and then BANG! your peace is shattered and the person you thought was safe with turns into an aggressor. So you end up watching out all the time. The only place I feel truly safe is at work, because there are codes of conduct that mean everyone should behave and there is recourse if they don't. Outside of that structure, you have recourse if there is physical abuse but none if it is psychological and behind closed doors, and that is what is scary for me.

 

[provencepearl]

i don't like giving people my name either haha. i usually give strangers a fake name. i thought that...

My all-time most hated question is when people ask where I live. Seriously? Why is that anyone's business? They planning to tp the house? kill me? no reason for such a question but wanting to harm me. I fight that hard. No one's business. And people think it is stragne that I don't want anyone to know where I live. Really, people? Do they not know how many people are killed in their homes?

 

[Beekeeper]

My all-time most hated question is when people ask where I live. Seriously? Why is that anyone'...

What you should do is incapacitate them and get them in the basement for questioning.

 

[Whispering Grass]

I make sure that whenever I sit or stand in a room that my back is never to the door. Before I take a shower, I double/triple check all the doors to the house to make sure they're double locked, I lock the door to my bedroom and then the bathroom - sometimes I check the door to the bathroom as many as five times. I've even gotten out of the shower to check on the door to the bathroom again. I take both my cell phone and a landline phone and put them on a small table next to the shower...just in case. This is an improvement because I used to make sure that someone was in the house to stand guard for me.

I'm aware of every sound in the house and try to interpret what it is. Sometimes, when I've been recently triggered, I walk around the house with my back against the walls. This doesn't happen if someone is home - just when I'm alone.

Outside, whenever I go anywhere, I have my keys in my hand - just for protection...in case...
I scan the area before going back to my car in a parking lot and check the back seat before I get into my car. (usually there's an increase in my pulse rate)

 

[acoa82]

I have complex ptsd or whatever it is. Just some severe trauma. So basically what I've been through was like war between walls with my alcoholic father. Sometimes it reminded hostage situation. Anyway, whenever it could turn into a murder. Btw very surreal. Life can be very strange. You can hear people from the street laughing or just doing normal everyday activities without knowing what is happening and they are all just fine. And you in the "war" overwhelmed by fear. You can basically hear your heartbeat. You don't know if you gonna die or not. It's like being in the room with tiger. You don't even have a time ask yourself "why me ? what's the point ?". I don't believe in god so for me there is no point. It's just randomness and the absurdity of life.

So I have two types of hypervigilance. That's what I invented right now :-) First type has to do with relationships. You have basic perception of the world that people will hurt you, I mean emotionally. They will betray you, you have trust issues, no one likes you, they think only the worst of you, and so on. It relates to people you mostly know and who will probably not physically harm you. At work for example, or people from your family except for those who have abused you. So in my case my father is dead, so...
Second type has to do with psysical harm. This type relates to strangers and especially to those who are strange, weird, or arogant types. I developed my situational awareness almost to perfection. I am faster then most people around me. In a second I notice a small detail and I use all the senses. But it's mostly also exhausting. Many times I'm exaggerating. The same applies to the first type of my hypervigilance. I'm exaggerating. Many times but not always. There is always someone somewhere who wants to hurt you. Despite my hypervigilance I have to protect myself because I am often a target because I look like one. You know too polite, quiet, relatively small apperance and so on. I've been in some edgy situations when a physical attack was threatened but I learned how to manage them. This I can handle when I use psychology or manipulation, a little bit of acting, things like that. What I can not handle with are arogant people. This is much harder for me to handle then physical threat.

So this is me. Most of the time I feel anxious, or hypervigilance, sometimes less, sometimes too much. Sometimes I don't. This happen when I'm physically tired, or sleepy. Or when I'm in a very good mood, which is not very common. I am on guard much of the time. I learn not to.

 

[Lilminks]

I'm trying to understand hypervigilance more and how it applies to me. The typical hypervigilance you...

My hypevigilance is a heightened level of my senses. I hear what would be considered my others to be normal daily noises but to me they are extremely loud. I go from very loud to not hearing much at all. I smell stuff that others do not smell, like smoke from a fire pit is too overwhelming for me. My vision goes in and out. My pain increase to a 9 or I am just numb. I become overly aware of my environment, looking for potential threats. I do knowing trust anyone and that can include myself. It is also a fear response; consumed with fear. A super sensory state and reaction. The "flight or fight" responses that goes with extreme anxiety. It exaggerates my behaviors and my responses that are way out of proportion. My brain is constantly on guard, I can't trust people or myself. I stop and try to wonder if it is me or them that makes a situation seem whacked out for the circumstances. It is like everyone can see my feelings or thoughts, but it is me who is constantly concerned about them and not me. It feels like my thoughts are not my online a body and brain dysfunction. My thoughts become overly intrusive. It is a constant state of panic.

 

[Haven]

Hmmm hypervigilance for me is interesting. Mostly exhausting. I'll give some background so this makes sense. Dated a psychopath, made people close to me believe him and used them to hunt me down and try to do things that end my life prematurely. So, I've had to move a few times, change my name etc. That being said, I'm always hypervigilant for scanning for people I know, cars I recognize (almost got plowed down once), people recognizing who I am, any person with a gun or weapon, charismatic individuals, any male, being alone with anyone, trusting people (anyone can turn), darkness, and people touching me. I also never fully unpack anything, and am ready to bolt at a moments notice if I see anyone resembling him or someone I know. I always have an emergency bag packed in case he walks in the door with guns. Phone calls are the worst at work, I think something terrible happened. Also people finding out I'm lying to them about things, or not trusting me. It's a fine line between authentic and fabled for me, just enough truth to be believable, but no details because then I have to lie. I have a trained sweet mask to answer people's personal questions so they won't be suspicious.

When I lived in the same town as my ex, I shut down emotionally, and had adrenaline pumping the whole time. I'd see him stalking me to school, and I'd always be around people so he couldn't get me alone. I wouldn't spend a lot of time near roads where he could see me and quickly kidnap me in his car. I'd stay near one though in case he was on foot so I could run out and grab someone's attention. I'd also peek around corners, hide at a moments notice. I like to go completely unseen. I'm also able to walk without making sound, and always dress in clothes I can run in, or survive a couple days if I have to. Also pepper spray, and stuff for survival like first aid kits, rope etc. are always on my person. I feel naked without it. I was also afraid of having roommates because I didn't want to endanger them. Also being friendly, nice and cute to everyone so they'll like me and help me, or completely withdrawn and hidden so they don't remember me or see me. I watch my electronics so they don't get hacked, and never have location services on. I'm also not on any social media. I've thought about not having a smart phone anymore. When I was in the same town, a few months ago, I was just surviving and just super stoic so I could focus on everything around me. I'm queen at ignoring things, working with extreme adrenaline, and having a complete non emotional mask if needs be to get people to not see me. Totally believe people can sense emotions, and they become aware of a hop in your step, a smile on your face. I use those to my advantage, or don't use them to remain unseen.

I'm very aware of people's emotions. I'm always trying to calm them and soothe them so they don't go berserk. But I'm also not afraid to stand up for myself and fight if I need to. I can go berserk too if I need to. I make sure people don't see me as someone to be walked all over. I can't stand angry people, I shut down completely. If anyone yells it's game over for me. I'm gone. Cold people, I run like mad away from. Can't deal with psychopaths. Always scanning people for who they are as a person and if they can be trusted for however long I'm supposed to interact with them.

I'm much more relaxed now that I'm far away from all that with a new name and everything, and I'm getting used to it, but seeing people who resemble him, my feet start walking on their own and I'm out. Can't do it. Lots of things like that I guess. My body just moves on it's own a lot to protect me. Oh also, I don't feel pain as much. So that's a thing too, just shut that off completely sometimes. Meh. I'm actually able to be happy now, and can semi-relax around people so that's a plus! Things are getting better. There were probably a whole lot more, but I honestly don't remember much because I blacked out so much before. I like people now, I like all their little quirks, they're adorable. So hyper vigilance has been helpful in a way, because I really notice all the fun, quirky, good traits about people too. Then I know who to avoid who scream "danger", or maybe not scream but just mildly too.

Also wherever I am I have an exit plan. I scan the room, and find the quickest way out. A weapon if I can if an attacker comes in. Also if someone is picking up on my danger signs, I figure out the best way to incapacitate them. If someone is being a cruel jerk, I imagine all the ways to... well I'd rather not write that one down. Suffice to say I am willing to protect myself and others. I like people, love them to bits, I don't like monsters. That was all rather discombobulated, but there you go.

 

[CoffeeCat]

Here is my personal current experience with Hyper-vigilance:
I live on a no exit road (thankfully in a very small village out of the city), my bedroom window overlooks the road. I have my seat against the wall so I can glance out the window and see how's going by. I know most of the cars on the street by sound so only do a visual check occasionally now. If there is a loud sound outside I'll do a patrol of the street. I'm not too picky about where I sit in a public setting like a restaurant or cafe. If its an open place like a park I like to have something solid to my back. Usually a tree or out building. I still cannot wear both earbuds at the same time, not being able to hear my surrounding is a huge no-no. Might add more later once I get some sleep <3

 

[white hyacinth]

I have complex ptsd or whatever it is. Just some severe trauma. So basically what I've been through was...

I can definitely relate to both types of hypervigilance you described. I feel like I can see everyone's bad intentions. I don't trust people very much. I expect people will want to degrade/manipulate/humiliate me in some way, at the very least, or physically hurt me, at worst. Why? Because they can. I know if someone hurts me no one will help me or care. I used to carry a pocket knife with me all the time, not as much anymore. I keep my nails pointy now so I have at least one weapon.

 

[Daph]

There were or has been times I am feeling watched or followed.
I had never thought much about it initially, but in the end I sold my old car and bought a newer one so that my employer/ disability insurance/ worker's comp does not know or seen what I drive. Sometimest I switch around with my sisters cars for short periods.
I also moved and never updated certain addresses but continued to,have mail forwarded. I went into this panic of feeling extremely unsafe followed when my cell went kaputt. It wasn't something I could easily fix seeing the phone was via some cooperation special,employee pricing. So I went 4 days with no phone, no sleep, constant anxiety, pacing in my apartment, shaking/ rocking in chairs, taking sporadic extra turns while driving, and changing speeds to test if being followed etc. It caused me to be very limited in what I share to other people even my own family.
Then sometimes I just sit in my car at some random location and not answer my phone when I have a strong feeling of being pushed to take steps I will not take (go to hospital). Even, once an employer said he would pick me up for a coffee and we would make a plan....immediate threat and trap! So I never responded and stayed away from my apartment for a few days in my vehicle.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I take both my cell phone and a landline phone and put them on a small table next to the shower...just in case.

I take my phone with me too. The doors in the front are always double locked. I keep my phone by my side. I always lock my car. I feel some fear leaving my home to get into my car. But I do live alone so taking precautions is really wise.

Being all ramped up and feeling as if I am on pure adrenalin.