so I don't think there is a "worst form". A victim of csa or physical abuse is not allowed a separate self at all, is hijacked as an outlet for the abuser, and becomes like an empty shell. Plus they don't even get their body boundaries either, so like they don't even have a shell (maybe why I existed outside of my body)
Sorry..."worst" was a poor choice of words. I didn't mean to compare types of trauma. What I meant to say was that in any type of child abuse--whether physical, sexual, or emotional (including neglect), or some combination of these, the worst aspect of it is that the abuser interferes with the child's ability grow into a coherent and independent sense of self. The sense of an "I" who has a right to exist and be honored and respected AS I AM, an individual human person separate from the abuser(s).
Sexual and physical abuse violate physical boundaries in a literal way. I think emotional abuse also does. We know, neurologically, that the body and mind are profoundly interconnected--there is no separation in lived experience. Which is why, at least in my interpretations, emotional abuse also violates physical boundaries and contributes to the fear reaction that leads to people dissociating from their bodies.
I was a child of narcissists. They, particularly my mother, messed with my head so badly and from so early on, that I did not even know I was sexually, physically, and emotionally abused. I was probably already ripe for being traumatized because of my birth circumstances, but being adopted into the family I was ensured that I got royally messed up. I remember a lot of sick stuff that happened, and I've recovered memory of even sicker stuff, but I'm still messed up enough that I have several parts that absolutely refuse to believe any of it is real or true. Gaslighting was standard operating procedure in my home, and it influenced the way my brain developed. I had never heard the term "gaslighting" until last year. As soon as I read about it, a lot of things began to reframe for me. I am still struggling with all of this. My lived experience as a separate human being was denied so much that I dissociated into lots of parts to survive. I'm trying to put myself back together into one whole person again.
