What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?

[hyperanxiety]

Wish they'd let me sleep, need to be up in 3 hours. Too drunk and bad news for them to notice it's already morning. They keep repeating the same conversations. Thought their conversation after years apart would be -what's the word?- healing (?)/ reconciling/ supportive, and maybe it is, for them. But so in the midst I too hear I've been labeled the villain. Or the scapegoat.

It's a strange feeling to have tried to give so much, trust so much, and be accused and blamed and smeared , for the very things done to me. To hear others wish me gone. It's hard to live around or within, contempt, disgust, disrespect, blame. Not only no value, but a liability. I suppose that's hatred. Well, am sure they'll have their plans. Not sure what to do anymore, really. Small wonder there's little recourse than to retreat within myself.

I lived with listening to my neighbors not only scapegoating me but also how they planned more future traumatic scenarios to use on me. These neighbors seldom allowed me to sleep either by abusing me or carrying on just outside my apartment door. I lived there for 15 f*****g years, most of the time dealing with their behavior towards me.

The worst irony of all this was that I was the one that got evicted four years ago. No one would believe me, one person, versus several others who concocted and memorized an untrue story.

Please, if you can, find a way to leave that situation!

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

As I sit here listening to the whippoorwill and tree frogs, two of my most favorite sounds ever, I just realized I've yet to actually see either one. May I be given the privilege to lay my eyes on them one day to say thank you for the lovely serenades.

 

[whiteraven]

I am not going to make it through the night - not going to get any sleep. I am so anxious and I don't know how to deal with it anymore.

 

[MrMoonlight]

Sorry you are feeling like that @whiteraven .All the anxiety leading to sleep is tough. Maybe some deep breathing or guided meditation.?.?. There are a bunch of results on youtube if you search a little. I'm probably heading there myself.

I was thinking about dragons...Godzilla...

 

[whiteraven]

I was thinking about dragons...Godzilla...

Oh, I love dragons and I love Godzilla! LOL

 

[Tinyflame]

Plans went awry today.
Was hoping to finish more physical stuff today for a break tomorrow, but will need to reverse it.
Pup's prototype w/chair needs brainstorming. Amazing dog has had amazing parts for her w/chair offered by several people, just hearing about her. Thank God for person trying to create it.
Waiting for person to walk me through and/or help with a toilet repair. Thank God for them/ that.
Put pillow case on a pillow, and totally out of air/ spent. Could go lay down.

 

[Tinyflame]

Ever since what I had in late Dec/ Jan, I now get (as does another person who caught it from me) these horrible bite-like, or crawling, or mini electric shocks (not constant like sciatica) sensations in different places all over. I know nothing (should) be there, as sometimes they occur when and where I can see, like my hand in front of me. The person I caught it from has lost their sense of smell, so I am guessing it's nerve issues. But it's really wearing.

I do not know, but it came with terrible fevers, severe SOB at day 2 or 3, nightsweats, unbelievable headache like my head was going to explode before and during, and 100% completely debilitating fatigue. It was preceded by 2 weeks on and off of a sore throat, and throwing up out of the blue 5 days before it really hit. But I also had to blow my nose a lot, 4x 120 tissues/ box. And I ate 7 8lb bags of oranges in 7 days, one orange/ hour.

What a gross topic, really. :sick: Yuck. Our numbers are low, I wonder if it came through here earlier originally?

 

[Ronin]

Third rainproof jacket.

That I'm missing in gear. :facepalm:

Fiine. Imma threaten rain gods into moving it.*

*The last time I did that the place had flood alerts after years of calm weather slash drought. Mah magicks needs work.

Maybe I reeaally should ask the rain gods nicely, instead. :whistling:

 

[ladee]

Maybe you didn't get specific @Ronin, it's been raining here for the past 6 days!!! I'll try to send it your way, sans the flooding of your areas. Not flooding here either, but getting close.

 

[Changing4Best]

I really need to wash out my CPAP pail I soak my CPAP stuff in, but it is time for bed. All day long I felt like doing nothing, which is exactly what I did, so this is what happens when I feel like that.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thinking I was naive, about a roll out: it's based on registration, or choices of those who mean something, or contribute, or would be angry and not contribute if not included; long-timers, maybe too those with littler expected time, or priority or need. Loved; wealthy; needed; powerful; influential; established. families. None of those apply to me. But I kind of already accepted that. Just thought it might be one place that's different. But, I shouldn't have thought that.

Birds building nest in patio.

Work will never change, until the system collapses, as it's doing elsewhere. Like it or lump it.

Have to pull myself together before 9. Why am I here? I give myself 4 minutes.

 

[Sideways]

The places where I can feel my mattress connecting with my body underneath me.

Ie. when in coping is in doubt? Simplify what you're coping with.