What Makes You Angry Today?

[tho9900]

I stopped my anti depressants and kinda feeling ok.. we will see.. sposed to start the Trauma Recovery Program but waiting till I move.. primary care doc got under my skin and we got in a bad argument.. basically I told her carefully what she could suck..

Psych dude stopped touching me when I explained who he was to me.. and how I felt about that touchy shit from outsiders.. he still only wants to talk about pills and I need something besides pills.. the last psych I could talk to.. honest? I dont think this guy either wants to, or can handle what we got to say...

Got in a fight with the Indian lady at the GI clinic... she kept saying I missed these appointments.. I told her I never got anything in the mail.. THEN she wanted to get hot on me... I kept telling her I didnt see it online and never got it in the mail... she kept saying "yes sir! that is what I mean, we sent it to you in the mail!!!" not gonna cuss here..

hearing some of your stories I am glad I limit my ummm.. :inner circle: to just two people who even if they dont understand, they listen... and stick with me through it all.. close enough to know everything about me, far enough that a few days of quiet is ok with them as long as I dont stay gone too long..

Tankgrl... hang in there, it can get worse it can get better but in the end it just "is"

CGF... that was where my marraige went.. not gonna offer advice but talking about it is the only alternative... even just to admit you got stuff going on.. no pressure.. and ya I chose not to do that... but if it comes down to something you would like to continue consider it..

Jar go easy bro... been thinking about you... hope this cycles back around quick for you...

 

[combatgoldfish]

Got to spend the day at the VA, to hear that I need cognitive behavioral therapy, which isn't a bad thing really, but basically there hasn't been a pill created to help me yet (hahahahha, I got a good laugh out of that one). Just needed to vent, pissed cause I can't be fixed, and pissed in general.

I get to spend the day at the VA on Wednesday. I left a pretty nasty message on my medications doctor's machine about how much I hated the medication she tried to put me on. And of course, I got no call back. I plan on taking the full bottle of medication back to her because I sure as f*ck don't want it.

I did CBT and got pissed after a couple of sessions. It works for some, not for others. But anything is worth a shot.

I stopped my anti depressants and kinda feeling ok.. we will see..

I've slowly lowered mine the last couple of weeks. I'm down to my last 10mgs and I'm feeling like soon I will be able to stop that too. I feel alright, but I can tell that the medication surpressed my anger quite a bit and I'm starting to taste normal non medicated emotions. I guess that's why I have a major depression attachment to my PTSD. :ROFLMAO:

 

[tnkg1rl]

Don't wanna be mushy....you guys are just great and even though its through Cyberspace it's pretty awesome to just talk to people who get it....

My therapist is Vietnam vet and he actually explained his theory of psychotherapy to me in terms of the Wizard of Oz so I think it'll be a pretty good fit for me, I know I do miss the therapist I had in Kansas City because she was awesome and I could talk to her about anything nothing surprised her ever. I'm hoping that he can help me out with all this.

 

[combatgoldfish]

It certainly helps to find a doctor that fits and as my new doctor says "It's ok to break up with a doctor if its not working out." Anyone with prior military background is helpful too. I always get stuck with civilians.

I got two new doctors. One is so old I think she maybe treated civil war soldiers for PTSD. My other one is my age. I call her Doctor SexyPants

 

[shogun]

Moments of Clarity

It's been awhile gents, glad to see a lot of the same faces, and a lot of new ones.


Just a few fleeting minutes ago I had what I would describe as a "moment of clarity". A moment where for just a minute the beast is no longer something I must live with but as if he never existed. A moment where my heart feels light in my chest and my mind is hopeful. It's how I felt before I deployed. But then as soon as I become conscious of my state of mind it vanishes.

This is not the way I feel when hiking, working out, grappling, shooting, racing etc etc etc that I've tried. It's much more serene.
I seem to only get these randomly and they come months apart....
Maybe I'm crazy, maybe my meds need adjusted, I'm getting laid that can't be the issue...

Anyways Thats what makes me angry today....

Happy belated Veterans Day and Happy Birthday to all my fellow Belleau Woodsman

 

[JarHed]

pissed cause I can't be fixed,

In a word, That SUCKS!

But it's also the truth. Some days are so f*cking horrible that I wonder why I bother. Then there are others that are OK, even good. Sometimes it's harder to deal with the constantly changing landscape of my mind than when it's just plain shitty. Know what I mean? 'course ya'll do.

I'm looking outside and it's snowing here today. Kinda' unexpected, makes everything look different. Changed. Just makes me think of how tired I've become from fighting this thing everyday. If it snows a little more I'll get out my x-country skis and go off along the power lines for a while. Just need a change of pace.

Glad for this place and the people here. I can be myself, thanks. Ya'll have a 'good' day.

Jar

 

[Ned]

Snow always produces the 'oh shit, everything is going to be more difficult' reaction in me.
But that's conditioning to mission-critical stuff, and even then it isn't neccessarily true.
I make myself go back to the 'whoo, snow!' kid thing.
After all, I've got the experience, boots, clothes, skis and truck for it.
Like you said Jar, it can prompt a change of pace and usually thats a good opportunity for reflection.
And it makes everything quiet. And a bit fairy-tale-ish.
You have a good day to, Jar.

 

[tho9900]

feeling better now I got that off my chest last night.. been very quiet here online and quieter in real life lately...

I am unsure about breaking up with my doc... (conundrum here) it's the "be careful what you wish for" syndrome.. what if the new Doc sucks worse? I am kinda pissed tho.. ends up Ted.... shipmate of mine I was stationed with yrs ago who just happened to be working the desk at the clinic I was being seen at (what are the chances of THAT??? we just looked at each other and blinked the first time I showed up) is no longer in this clinic..

Psych doctors? I grew up with my mom and 2 sisters as a kid when my dad was away with the Corps.. so tend to find it easier to talk to women.. the only female psych doctor in that clinic is 3 times the man my current psych doctor is..

Pissed... but oh well.... I just need to hike up the pants, lace up the boots and keep on..

I need to take my own advice... I have told several people here and in real life this.. "help run your own health care, become part of the patient care team or you will just be a voodoo doll to stick needles in otherwise"

 

[combatgoldfish]

Ugh. I just remembered that if I'm out on my own again, I'll have to go to the grocery store. FML.

I guess I'll go in the early morning or late night. f*ck, I hate people. I was thinking I could take the dog but she doesn't do well in food stores. She's really food driven and smells everything and won't listen. I need a service pony, then is save on fuel costs. Hmmm

 

[tho9900]

If you are in the states Super WalMart is open 24 hrs.. I used to go about 2am.. nothing but me, the check out people and the dude on the floor polisher.. Ironically Nala does well with food and most people, it is hot latina women she has a prob with.. guess she got that from dad lol.. and no lie...

 

[Tim Cake]

If you are in the states Super WalMart is open 24 hrs.. I used to go about 2am.. nothing but me, the check out people and the dude on the floor polisher.. Ironically Nala does well with food and most people, it is hot latina women she has a prob with.. guess she got that from dad lol.. and no lie...

Bueno.....:whistle:

 

[combatgoldfish]

I don't have a super Walmart but quite a few local stores that are 24/7. I'm stateside, on the west coast for the time being.