What To Do When Your Therapist Is Different In Reality

[Pencil]

I totally agree that it's all about how he does his job. BUT, if he REALLY, deep down inside, where he actually lives, is an unhappy, judgmental person who hates everyone, sooner or later that's probably going to show through in the office.

Exactly!

I have stalked your face book profile

Get real. Looking at someone's FB profile is not stalking. I check out all my clients, and they do the same. I was alerted by Linkedin that my ex therapist had looked at my profile. I'm on an academic forum and the most unexpected people look at my profile. Social media platforms are PR exercises, we all know that, and we should use it as such wisely and with discretion. I looked at my ex therapist's FB profile and was relieved to see it was totally private and 'blank'. If she expressed herself in any way or form that made me uncomfortable, it would have damaged the whole relationship from the beginning. And, if I see a surgeon who is going to surgery on me in a pissed state on a FB pic, I'd change doctors. What they do in their private time DOES affect who they are in their professional roles.

Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde? Not for me, thanks. It's called 'integrity'.

 

[watundah]

Im on the other side here. My therapist had a blog when I first went to her and she would send out updates from her work email from her work website where she posted blog articles. Once in her update email, she invited folks to like her on facebook, so I did. Then shortly after, she went on to create a professional facebook page, but I'm still on her personal page. She doesn't post a lot and she doesn't get very personal, but what I have seen has helped me to see a more intimate side to her. I've had huge hurdles getting close and opening up and it helps me to see that she is human, not the blank page or whatever that term is. It's not a like-fest, and I sometimes wonder if she watched me in the past as a tool to get to know me better. But that's all I would call it = a tool, not a friendship. She has made reference to things she's seen maybe 3x in the last couple of years and of course I never mention it.

 

[ghotiff]

In regards to the somewhat contrasting views of @FridayJones (professional skills trumps everything) and @Pencil (not wanting Dr Jekyll and mr Hyde).

I agree with both.

I know professionals who are amazing at their job, but my trust in them stops right there.

Therapy can be more complicated as you make yourself emotionally vulnerable to them, and the T s personal aspects can count in this dynamic. Then throw in that if you have a childhood like mine where social image was at times more important than my safety etc....I'm very senitive to people who are the Dr Jekyll and mr Hyde.

If this was my situation (and I was the strong brave person I want to be) I would ask about the Facebook page and the seeming inconsistencies. I think this is good therapy material. It's not stalking, it's due diligence.

 

[Neverthesame]

"What she said. Because she said it better."

@rightkindofme This happens frequently for me. I have considered asking my employer to put @FridayJones on our payroll as I am such a slow typist, she must save me hours a week in productivity. Though I think they would probably be more interested in why I think it's appropriate to spend company time on something other than work. To which I do not have a good answer. Ha.

 

[greenleaf]

I partly agree with what others have written here at various levels... I am having an additional feeling about it though. The particular service that we need a T to provide involves trust. Often our ability to trust has really been damaged in some way with PTSD. So it doesn't really matter what we "should" feel at the "trust" level if we *do* feel it.

If the Facebook thing has raised weird, gut-level worries for you, you can:
1.) Try to rule out if it is actually a different person, just with the same name;
2.) Absolutely question him on it if you are comfortable. Write it on a piece of paper for him if you are uncomfortable saying it. Maybe it's not him, or maybe he was posting about a particular issue....

I have found it unfortunately impossible to progress in therapy if I had a nagging doubt about my therapist, and with one therapist this "wasted" years of possible progress for me.

Our PTSD "reptile brains" don't care if we tell them they *should feel safe* if they just plain do not, especially before we have healed much (i.e. we really really need the T!). This requires listening to our "gut", and if we had a childhood of being told that our perceptions were incorrect, if our feelings were minimized by parents, things like that, it is just way too easy to ignore our guts. So you could try to figure out how you feel, but also keep checking in with yourself; tell your "gut feelings" that they come first here!

My "gut" would be pretty uncomfortable if a professional T did really have a Facebook page that sounded really negative, and wasn't consistent with their professional demeanor... will they really help you consistently if that is their private world (although I haven't read the Facebook so don't know the details here)? Don't they realize clients will often look there? But there might be a different explanation...

 

[Pinkplatypus]

I don't think I'll be able to trust anything he says if he were really that person because I have a huge issue about people being hypocrites. But I got good news to tell you guys, I'm quite sure he's not the same guy. I can really cry tears of joy right now. Dramatic, but you have no idea how stressful this is for me