When Do You Stop Second Guessing Your Choices

[mama13]

I am having trouble stopping my thoughts about that day, every choice I made would have gone outside instead of my husband, my daughter wouldn't have gotten hurt. It's like there is a pit in my stomach every morning knowing this is reality. I just want to go back in time and make another decision. Maybe we could have stayed home that day. I just wake up and keep thinking about those moments and getting so angry at myself, and then it adds to the resentment I have with my husband. When does that go away? When do I make peace with things happened the way they did to "teach" me something or some bs like that?​

 

[Ronin]

Maybe the different choice would make you more hurt. Or gone. Or never returning from it.

Instead what you did, all you did, means you're alive, and alive and well enough to tell. Well enough to know you need to heal from the crapload trauma brought with it, too. That's not a small thing.

The things that happened don't teach jack, but you can teach yourself whatever you want to learn, now, in the aftermath of them.

 

[mama13]

It's just the unknown of what if...I just get so emotional when I see how her injury has "changed" her. And it sounds so incredibly effin selfish of me, but I just want her back to her normal physical self. She was a little gymnast and now she struggles so much. It makes me so angry at my husband even though I know he didn't mean anything.

thank you.. I'm just trying to make sense out of the entire thing and it's the biggest thing I struggle with.

 

[Ronin]

I don't think there will be much sense of it, but you can still be there for your baby girl.

You can still be here for her, help her live as quality life as she can *now*. Grieving the loss is necessary, but a - she's still alive. You still have her, you still have her back, you're still her Mom and everything in the universe. You can do a lot just by being there for her.

Besides - she won't be able to do the same things, but she is still a baby gymnast. If that's what she feels up to, still, find a way to help her shine with all the brilliance she has; that it will be different brilliance than able-bodied, or even her before the injury? That's another thing. Its set of challenges, but not a stop.