When Self-hatred Is Paralyzing, What Do You Do?

[Nyssa]

So everything is in the title...

I get sometimes overwhelmed with self-hatred.

Don't get me wrong, I almost never treat myself kindly. Despising myself is what feels normal. I can handle that, I'm used to it. I know it's a problem. I have to learn to treat myself differently, and I am. Slowly...

Anyway, what I'm talking about here is when that self-hatred goes through the roof. The usual contempt turns into intense hate and disgust. I can't stand myself. I want to hide and disappear. I can't do anything, as I think anything I could do would be stupid, worthless, etc. And I hate myself for hating myself so much. Because that hatred feels like giving myself too much importance and I find it disgusting. I'm ashamed to even exist.

I used to hang around close friends when that happened. Friends who loved me, and could make me feel worthy of living. I don't have this kind of friends around me right now.... which also explain why I hate myself so much. There are people who like me, but they don't really know me, so it's not really helping.

Do you have tips? Little things you do that help you think better of yourself?

 

[J_trustno1]

What you are explained is exactly or almost close to what I have treated myself with. It is a long road but achievable with patience and perseverance. I have struggled and still struggling but better than before. These are some of the things I have been trying to practice for the last couple of months:

a) exercise, healthy eating
b) yoga and meditation
c) doing the things I missed out as a child and was deprived of due to financial issues i.e. swimming
d) therapy
e) practicing postive self -talk and lots of gratitude.
f) working on issues that i need to deal with.
g) trying to accept myself for who I am regardless of imperfections (this on is not easy )
h) most importantly surrounding myself only around people who are positive and accept me who i am other than downgrading me on everything.
i) Lastly , reading self help books or positive quotes or listening to inspirational stories.

I'm not saying that it's easy but you need to start practicing some of the above. I hope this was helpful.

 

[Fayth]

One activity I did was write out the opposite to the negative I felt about myself posted it on my bathroom mirror and everyday I would look in the mirror and say the phrases out loud.... I am beautiful, I am worthy of love, I am capable of being happy, I will overcome negativity.... etc... its a self talk exercise that helped me retrain my brain to start thinking positive. I would also try to stop the negative thoughts as soon as they came by doing something that I loved, painting, exercise, a hot bath or saying to myself, I will not think negative. Its a process that I am still working on but I am a lot further ahead now with lots of working on myself. The first step is recognizing it which you already have, I hope you find what works for you.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I concentrate on my accomplishments. Yoga helps, getting adequate rest and food. Asking for help when I'm desperate, even if it's simply an email to my therapist or doctor. I try to practice radical acceptance because it frees me of resentments and dwelling on negativity. Positive affirmations-I have a small notebook that I write them in and just reading them changes my outlook.

 

[Over the rainbow]

I want to help you, but I suffer the same afflictions.
I do realize I have pushed people away so they cannot see what I'm going through, so it stands to reason I'm alone, but I want to be that way, so why is the self hatred so deep.
Love is a chemical reaction- they can love you, even if they don't know you.
:)

 

[somerandomguy]

When I get into a self-loathing rut, I try to remember that it's just my perception - only I see myself as I do - and it's impossible for me to be objective about myself.

I give myself a day or so to wallow, and then I start trying to do nice things for myself. I try to catch myself when I have thoughts of self-hate, and remind myself that it's just a habit to think that way, and that it's actually not true.

 

[Dana1010]

I can't do anything, as I think anything I could do would be stupid, worthless, etc.

I completely know what this is like.

I still suffer from this, so it's not like I'm speaking to you from the other side of it. But I've found affirmations and other forms of talk to be useless in my case. One thing that has started to help just within the last few days is taking time out to meditate and just be with the emotions. Don't try to fight them, just notice that I feel worthless and stupid and disgusting, let it be, and see if I can locate those feelings in my body. At that point I might start shaking or convulsing which makes me think a sort of release might be happening. It's kind of about facing your fears rather than running away from them.

I'm trying to take time outs when I start spiraling into self hatred, feeling like I'm being watched, and like I need to do something to prove I'm not worthless. I just try to find a place to sit and notice what's going on, be still, locate it in my body and just let it be, and then hopefully have some catharsis through just being with it.

 

[Nyssa]

Thank you all for your answers and ideas.

I was wondering... what does your positive self-talk look like? If some of you feel like sharing examples...

The best I can do is "Considering where I come from, I should be proud to just be alive and more or less functional".

 

[KwanYingirl]

I remind myself how brave I have been to face many obstacles during my life. I feel very successful raising my two children who had happy childhoods and are happy adults now. I try to be patient and compassionate with my clients, and go the extra mile for them-infection controlwise.

But I do find myself often beating myself up for things I have no control over. I want to get my own way and that makes life difficult. I'm working on it.

 

[somerandomguy]

The best I can do is "Considering where I come from, I should be proud to just be alive and more or less functional".

Excellent start.

"I am worthwhile," "I deserve to be happy," and "I am strong" may be good. Remember, whether you believe it or not, they are all true.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Watch "Stuart Saves His Family", a movie Al Franken made as his alter ego Stuart on Saturday Night Live. Stuart is all about positive self talk and if you watch this movie it will make you laugh and cry. He nails it.