Poll Who Traumatized You

[This Ends Now]

More than one family member traumatized me. I put military/ combat b/c so many of my abusers served and suffered from untreated PTSD themselves. Neither my father nor my uncle ever seemed to get past the trauma of the American/Vietnamese war. My father served 2 tours in the army infantry. My uncle trained with the navy seals, but stayed regular navy at my grandmother's request. My maternal grandmother and grandfather also served in the navy (he was a doctor and she was a nurse). My paternal grandfather served in the air force during WW2 and Korea. My mother never served but she was severely abused and traumatized by family members who did serve. I was just born into it, always being trained for a war that I would never fight in. I considered enlisting, but decided against it for reasons of mental health.

 

[NomadHeart]

I was thinking about this topic the other day after a therapy session. This following is based on memories that are clear as day. There is chance of others at a younger age but I have nothing to go on but gut feeling..if that makes sense. So here they are in order.

Abuser 1 : my mother. She is the constant abuser in my life. It started with neglect, and implanting a great fear into me. Then verbal abuse, then physical. She pretty much did everything but sexual abuse to me.

Abuser 2: classmates. During my pre school years, a small group of kids (I dont know if it was 4 or 5, but I clearly remember 4 faces) brought me to a corner in the playground, with tall grass. the adults couldn't see me there. My pants were off, my shirt, and they were kneeling over me. After that all I remember is the clouds in the sky.

Abuser 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7: so called friends. These boys hung out in school with me. They would break into my house, pin me down and take turns doing whatever sexual or physical abuse they felt nessecary.

Abuser 8: mothers boyfriend. Decided to pin me to a chair while he sat backwards on me and played the ice cube game. He gave me my deep fear of showers.

Abuser 9: mothers friend. While she was on the couch. It was lie though according to her, he was too nice to touch me. He's been through too much.

Abuser 10: my second bf. I'd wake up to him inside me, taking pictures of me, and he was obsessive. Would trap me in his basement and turned me from my friends :(.

Abuser 11: my uncle. Verbally told me about his sex dreams about me.

This are the main abusers. There were a group in jr. high of people who also beat me up, called me names and made fun of my physical appearence. Shoved dog food down my throat becuase I dont deserve to eat human food. (ed stem from this maybe??) I've been bullied for my looks since pre-school. Non stop. My mother loves bars, ther were also about...7 men there who verbally told me sexual things they want to do with me, or thought about me.

Well that's it. So do I follow abuse or does abuse follow me? It's hard not to blame myself but my Therapist says based on our sessions and what she knows about me, she can't see it being me. Still it's hard to sleep at night.

 

[bluejayway]

I don't remember much about my abuser including his face, but as far as I know, he seemed mostly normal - at least to the point that my aunt married him.

 

[dancingmayflower]

My mother (still is) - completely narcissistic, self-absorbed, reacts like a she-cat when any mention made of how she abused me (& my siblings) in our childhood.
My ex-husband (occasionally still is through the kids) - a sociopath - from accounts from his family has been that way from when he was very small.

 

[NarcSis]

If I could lay blame it would be on whatever that was I saw that day - it wouldn't leave me alone and still haunts me. There is no person to blame.

 

[greatfulgirl]

The FBI took me and my brother away from my dad. I did not see him again for 11 years after my mom got my brother and I. I still have flash backs to this day and having a lot of difficulty dealing with it. I even have nightmares about what happened. It was not there fault though.

 

[cat]

My mother, this is the first time I've been able to say that, it came out in an EMDR session & I'm having difficulty coming to terms with it.
My ex-husband, I've got used to the idea now but its still hard to understand how our relationship ended so horribly after 34yrs together.

 

[Momma Kitty]

my Father

I was beat and threatened all my life by a Father that believed children should be seen and not heard. At 50, he still threatens me and tries to control me. I have been beaten with a belt, punched in the face, drug by my hair, kicked, and more. He would jerk me out of a dead sleep in the middle of the night if it he was angry. I was afraid of my Father all my life and learned to behave as he saw fit, but still failed.

To this day he says, "He did nothing wrong. He did the best he could."

 

[onebravegirl]

I do not believe that Abusers simply abuse because they do not know any better. If that were the case then more would get caught. Abusers know how to not get caught. They know better but do not care.
Now, I am sure that there are cases out there were abusers change their bad ways. Good for them. But in my opinion the sad fact is that some people abuse because they want too. Some people are just too afraid of being honest enough with themselves to bother to grow or understand the wrongness of their ways. A gift that I got from PTSD was learning to be responsible for my choice to be well or ill. Part of the process of recovery is a desire to want to relate to your perpetrator, not that it ends there though. The next step is too accept that you are not responsible for what was done to you and you do not have to understand them as a way to come to peace with you trauma. Beware of Stockholme Syndrome! Just because we who have PTSD want to recover, doesn't mean that our abusers do. Funny how most of them are "So sorry" onnce they have been caught. In my opinion if an abuser wants help, then they can go get it on their own. It would be a waste of recovery time and energy trying to figure out why it happens because in the end it still will not be ok what they did to us.
When sh*t smells you do not go back to check on it to see if it still smells.
Sh*t is sh*t.
O

 

[ams]

I wish this was multiple choice. The first guy said he was drunk and didn't remember anything that was SAID (me saying stop, for example). I didn't smell any alcohol. He did what he did because he could. Because that's what gets him off. And usually the girls are okay with it, or pretend they are.

Second guy seems to fit the textbook criteria for antisocial personality disorder. I didn't know that when we were dating for a month though. He told me of prior crimes AFTER the event itself. He showed no remorse at all. He even said "you'll like it next time" and wanted to see me again the next day. No matter how many times and how differently I said it, when I expressed I was upset he just said "Oh."

Second guy also proceeded to stalk me for several months afterwards.

Oh, and I more recently remembered an instance where he did assault me prior to the bigger event, but I didn't think of it as assault. I thought I was just exaggerating because of the first guy.

I had a car accident a month after the second incident, so now I've got issues driving and being in cars. For example, I get really panicked every time a car gets close.

I don't remember my childhood at all. And only a handful of things from my teenage years. I know there was a lot of neglect as a kid, and my dad and sister would get into physical fights. I don't remember anything directly happening to me though.

 

[Auburngirl]

I don't really feel comfortable with this poll. I thought it would be who the person is, ie their relationship to you if any. But it seems to have us guessing at motives. I don't know, and I don't want to put myself in his head.

 

[insomnia]

I could not really answer because I was traumatized by multiple people, They were ,

1. My mother

2. A friend of my family

3. A complete stranger

4. My ex husband