Why Are People (including Myself) So Drawn...

[sun seeker]

And, because you've learned that, you have something of great value to share.

(Not sure which emoticon is supposed to denote blushing)

Of course, I didn't say I am always successful. Sometimes I avoid people rather than exploding at them, or turn my insecurity into intense depression. There is a highly-tuned sensor in me waiting for any sign of people who are going to let me down. Christmas and my birthday are SO hard for me because of what my family is versus what I wish it were. But... I'm working on it. I've noticed that more successful people don't sit back and expect others to know what they want and do it for them. They plan and communicate. Someone on the other thread mentioned buying her own Christmas presents and giving them to her husband to wrap. I thought that was brilliant. Last year, my birthday was hell because no one paid any attention to me and it triggered unbearable emotions. This year (it's in a month) I know I need to make my own plans instead of waiting. And I'm working actively on regulating my emotions - soothing myself, learning to stop an activity when it starts to get overwhelming, deep breathing and so on. There actually is a big difference from how I used to be.

Thanks to the last two viral threads, I get to realize that. Yippee!

 

[Jenelle34]

Hi guys
I haven't done much posting yet, I've mostly just hung about. I do feel a bit sorry for the 'V Lady' because it seems a real concern in her mind and I don't know that anyone has the moral authority to judge. I relate to her a little, having been victimized from a young age I often find myself pretending I'm stupid and being helpless, lacking insight.. Which is all part of my complicated ptsd injury. I don't know, it's a hard one hey.

 

[anthony]

One thing people fail to comprehend in online communities, is to say their piece and leave it at that. The OP eluded to the exact issue in this thread, "It makes me wonder about me," by looking at themselves and not the person they're responding to.

It is your problem if you keep going at another person and can't stop yourself, not their problem. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but your opinion stops the moment you try arguing it and shoving it down another's throat by continuing to argue it.

Facts are different... opinions are personal, nothing more.

 

[Fadeaway]

I am going to go out on a limb here. From my very first interaction, I have had issues with this person. This person has really triggered me. I was criticized for not responding "good enough" to them. I suck at communicating and I am super sensitive about my ability to communicate and take all such criticism more personal than I know I should.

This means I has been excessively stewing on this persons posts. It finely dawned on me, it is because this person reminds me of an abuser. I realized I was drawn into "please the person to avoid pain" role.

I am not going to say this person is an abuser, but the personality makes it easy to fall into the victim role of trying to; help, please, and fix some one who is being controlling and demanding.

 

[anthony]

The biggest issue in dealing with a person with BPD is, "help me, but I won't let you," attitude. That is what BPD is and does to the person. It's a symptom, to be precise, of the person wanting to bring people in, but then keep them at their demands without often respecting the other person.

BPD is very problematic, and it is why many a person with BPD here have a short stay within this community if it isn't controlled.

 

[Neverthesame]

I just got finished reading the thread in question. I had thought of saying something and did, out loud. I read the first reply and laughed as it was exactly what I had just said to myself.

When it comes to interaction with people, in real life I am a tired crotchety old man. I get irritated easily and can be quick to say something rude. In a place like this website, I have time to think of a proper response to things, choose my words with care and be the kind of person I know I want to be.

There is no need for me to need to respond with that kind of person in a post like that. As not being a live conversation, they have no idea I am there. No pressure then on me to respond, no forced interaction. I therefore have the luxury of being able to remain silent without ramification.

Simply put. I had nothing nice to say, so I said nothing.

I do want to stress however that this is the way I wish to conduct myself. I hold no one else to this. To be perfectly honest, I had a right good chuckle at some of the more sarcastic responses.

I also was amazed at how much great advice, honest care and desire to be helpful so many people were offering, despite the obviously lost cause. So many wonderful people here.

 

[rainy_daze]

I'm just baffled a bit as to why myself and others have responded as much as we have to that one poster while not as much to other more serious threads by people who are more responsive?

^ Me too Justmehere.

I read this while offline and Laurie's thread. I have struggled to respond to Laurie so have just left him a wee message.

As for the actual thread you're referring to, I did laugh at some of the banter, but I do think it's funny [as in a bit strange] that the community responds so much to some of the more "trivial" threads. Sometimes the most painful threads get several replies, and that is it.

I did recall someone I stopped responding to a while ago though, as I felt my responses to their threads were so under appreciated. I would spend a great deal of my time and energy writing and really thinking about their issues, and they obviously didn't like what I had to say.

I've changed my attitude to thinking that it is better to respond to those who actually appreciate the effort I have made. Or those who are clearly trying to get better. Or those who are clearly at breaking point, or are new members. Or those that I know will understand the points I am making to them. I do my best to read the Anonymous section from time to time, for example, and respond there, as well as the Diaries and Introduction sections.

I haven't been posting a great deal here lately, so I can't really talk too much :rolleyes:, but I would rather spend my time trying to respond to an emotionally harrowing post if I can manage it [without compromising my own need to protect myself or my feelings], rather than responding to a post about a Valentine's card.

[I apologise to the poster of that thread if you are reading and you think I am minimising your feelings. You partly remind me a little of myself when I would fly off the handle for no apparent reason/the littlest of things. I do not suffer from BPD, but I used to be a very angry person, before I started to accept and be honest with myself about what my traumas were, what I could remember, how they made me feel, and before I became as self aware as I am now - which was bloody hard and painful work. I might always be a work in progress... But I appreciate all the help and support I have been given here, to get to a better place/stage of recovery from complex trauma]

To be honest, maybe people should start using the word "vent" or "rant" in thread titles. And maybe people could read and re read advice/responses given, even at a later date, in order to get the most out of what people are trying to say to them. And answering questions asked by people, when able to.

Anyway, thank you for posting this topic @Justmehere :).