Sexual Assault Why There Are So Many "was I Raped" Threads

[Hoop]

I recently went to Colorado to visit family. My sister in law is 1 of 3 who have to unanimously decide if what occurred was rape and dismiss the student (no legal ramification though and they can come back for graduate school). The reason for her position is not to stop rape on campus but to insure they keep their federal funding through student loans. I asked her how tough the job was and she had a lot of interesting things to say about college rapists. At her last conference the average college rapist had 12-15 victims. They operate on the edge of normalcy where one would question if it was rape or be so ashamed they didn't see it coming. It's not the guy jumping out of a bush. It's the one you met at the bar, came home, smoked some pot or did other drugs (less likely to report) and then the worst happens. She doesn't know my wife was raped or my other brother's wife was raped. I wonder if she has as well. They truly are predators that live in the grey areas and walk on the edge of normalcy. It really is hard to guard against especially at their ages. She said the majority of the girls by far were freshman. I would have liked to have picked her brain more but their were kids in the car. It was hard to get specific. All I know is I could never do her job. The problem is rampant and the motives of the universities in stopping it are dubious at best.

 

[somerandomguy]

This is why I get so angry with people who say "all men are rapists" or "men should be taught not to rape." No, all men are not rapists. *Rapists* are rapists, and they rape over and over. Most men - most PEOPLE - aren't going to do such a thing, and it is disgusting to lump me into a class of criminals simply because of my gender.

 

[Suzetig]

They truly are predators that live in the grey areas and walk on the edge of normalcy.

The problem with this kind of thinking is that no one suspects the nice, clean cut, achieving student (male or female) could sexually assault them or that they could ever be victimised.

I'm not at all one for victim blaming but the tendency to look for the "predator" can mean that folk don't consider people they think look "normal" or consider to be "safe" as someone to be careful of. The vast majority of sexual assault and rape is committed by people known to the victim, not some unknown shadowy predator. That's not to say one should never relax but in the same way as "stranger danger" does our children a disservice, the predator at the edge of normalcy distances us from the very ordinary people who commit sexual offences.

Teaching men and women to value themselves enough to set clear boundaries for themselves and others, knowing when to walk away, looking out for themselves and for friends, making sure yes means yes and no means no will help protect against sexual assault in both genders.

I also think some of those "was I raped" threads point more to what I'd call regret sex, or sexual whether one party couldn't possibly have known the other didn't want sexual contact, because they didn't object or actively engaged in sex but didn't say when things went too far.

 

[Deleted member 487]

When I read the title, I was expecting the worst. I'm glad I read it.

I'm in college now, and I'm 47. What I have encountered is some young women get into sexual relationships, and it's nothing like they expected. Here in Utah the "Helicopter Parents" are really bad. I saw one young man in tears in the housing office here at school, his mom would not shut up. Finally the assistant director told her that unless she's enrolled full-time at the college, she cannot live in the dorm with him, even if she is his mommy. The relief that went over his face...wow!

The problem is that so many kids have been coddled and the U-cord never officially been cut. And that is what has caused me some grief. You see, I[m just looking for female friends. And I tell them specifically- no sex. I'm not in this for sex. End result? Very few girls hang out with me. And they are, of all things, the sexually active ones. Oh well.

A few girls I talked with expressed their sadness that they were terribly lonely, no guys to hang with, and I'd open my heart. "You need a guy to hang with, I'm right here! BBQ? Movies? No problem! I'm more than happy to be your friend, but just no sex in the picture." And they get weird. In the end that's all they wanted- a guy their age, and they want...sex.

The young girls really don't know what to expect when it comes to sex, all they know is what they see on TV and in novels. Man and woman, getting hot & sweaty, yuck. Sweat during sex stinks. The shower gig you see on TV, my wife kept wanting that, and kept getting upset when it didn't play out like on TV.

And here the Title 9 complaints are largely girls in that role- they got in, and had no idea what was going to transpire.

It sucks, but that's is the current issues we have here. No idea if it's the same over there or not.

 

[Nikki Carter]

The OP never said all men were rapists, or even hinted at such a thing.

This is why I get so angry with people who say "all men are rapists" or "men should be taught not to rape." No, all men are not rapists. *Rapists* are rapists, and they rape over and over. Most men - most PEOPLE - aren't going to do such a thing, and it is disgusting to lump me into a class of criminals simply because of my gender.

 

[Deleted member 487]

I don't think he is saying they are. But you are correct.