Will this be harassing my abuser?

[LeiaFlower]

If I call my abuser and record her asking why she did what she would that be harassment? And can she sue or arrest me for harassment? Or get a protection order? I messaged her in the last month asking if we can meet up and she was responding back to me asking why I want to meet. If she responds back to me is that harassment?

 

[Sideways]

Best to seek legal advice in your particular jurisdiction. I know that this wouldn’t fly in jurisdictions here. But then, I’m in Australia, so that’s probably of zero use to you!?

 

[Charbella]

I don’t know where you are but if you’re seeking a lawsuit it’s probably entrapment. However if you’d like to have the law punish her, the law can do it where I live because they asked me to call mine and get him to talk and they recorded it. The plan was for the court case.

 

[EveHarrington]

What you want to do may be illegal. You need to check local laws ie if you are in the USA, what you want to do may be illegal in your state.

 

[Movingforward10]

Suppose it depends what you want to do with the recording?
If you are going to put it out in the public, that could be problematic. But who knows what the laws are in your country?
But if you are going to keep it just for yourself, and no one would know and you don't share it with anyone. Then....??

I suppose the bigger question is why you want to do this?
Are you prepared for all eventualities? Or is this a form of self harm?

 

[Weemie]

If I call my abuser and record her asking why she did what she would that be harassment?

If your abuser states that she does not want you to call her and you continue to call her, that could fall under the definition of harassment. Your abuser is also free to get an order of protection against you regardless of what you have actually done, as long as they provide a reasonable explanation for it (they could also lie). In addition, you need to be aware of your location's laws on recording others.

In some places that have one-party consent, you would be free to record a conversation that you are having with someone else as long as one person consents to the conversation. (Be aware that this only applies to conversations that you are a participant in, you are not free to record the conversations of others that you are not a party to.) In this case it would mean that, as you are calling her, you are consenting to the recording (by definition of making the recording) so it would not be actionable.

In areas where this does not apply, you could be liable for civil damages or even criminal charges. In order to be considered harassment, you need to have already voiced your opposition to continued contact with this person. It would not be de facto harassment just because she replies to a text that you have sent (as you have sent the text, which would actually indicate the opposite - that you wish for a response.)

Unless your text states something along the lines of "do not contact me again," in which case future responses could be considered harassment.

Your best bet would be to consult the laws of your local jurisdiction or even a local lawyer.

 

[Friday]

In my state you need 2 party consent, full stop. Even people who record their own rapes & attempted murders have charges filed against them & no part of the recording is admissible in court. Of course, those who are murdered cannot be charged, but in nearly all cases if investigators discover such a recording? It’s “Fruit of the poison tree” as it potentially lead them to investigate the person filmed murdering them. So it’s an easy way to get away with murder (or other crimes) in my region. It is a STUPID law, written by eedjits afraid of their night out with the girls/boys endangering future job prospects, but c’est la vie. Reactionary laws? Nearly always suck.

Most states with 2 party consent have loopholes that allow for recordings of someone committing a crime to be used against them. But not all.

It has had BRUTAL consequences in my region for domestic violence / child abuse; as kids film their parents beating/raping them, take it to a teacher, mandatory reporting, and SHAZAAAM. Everyone (by law) backs away. CPS cannot even investigate, much less remove a child from the person they have filmed raping them, for 2+ years. Meanwhile you can call in CPS prank nonsense with no evidence whatsoever and initiate an investigation.

The more laws? The less Justice. For true.

If you live in a region like mine? You’re looking at misdemeanor to felony charges, up to a $100,000 fine, and 2 years in jail. In other 2 party consent states? It depends. And in single party consent states, no consequences whatsoever.

LAWYER.

 

[arfie]

the legality doesn't worry me as much as the futility. in my personal herstory, confrontations only stir up the cesspool with no healing value, whatsoever.

why are abusers abusive?
because they are sick. what more do i need to know?
healing hopes for all. no exceptions.

 

[Friday]

the legality doesn't worry me as much as the futility. in my personal herstory, confrontations only stir up the cesspool with no healing value, whatsoever.

why are abusers abusive?
because they are sick. what more do i need to know?
healing hopes for all. no exceptions.

This. For true.

 

[LeiaFlower]

Thank you for the suggestions I didn’t end up calling her. I think it was just an exile (IFS Therapy language for an inner child part) wanting justice. My whole case didn’t move forward because the abuser passed the lie detector test. Which in no way should even be used anymore

 

[Movingforward10]

Thank you for the suggestions I didn’t end up calling her. I think it was just an exile (IFS Therapy language for an inner child part) wanting justice. My whole case didn’t move forward because the abuser passed the lie detector test. Which in no way should even be used anymore

Wanting justice is totally understandable.
Sadly, most of us here haven't had that which shows how hard it is to secure or even begin to attempt. So it's trying to find peace without that sense of justice might be the way forward?

If abusers cared, they wouldn't abuse. So accepting you're not going to get what you want from her.
You haven't been able to get what you want from the criminal justice system.
So how can you get that inner peace and justice from within yourself?

 

[LeiaFlower]

Wanting justice is totally understandable.
Sadly, most of us here haven't had that which shows how hard it is to secure or even begin to attempt. So it's trying to find peace without that sense of justice might be the way forward?

If abusers cared, they wouldn't abuse. So accepting you're not going to get what you want from her.
You haven't been able to get what you want from the criminal justice system.
So how can you get that inner peace and justice from within yourself?

I’m not sure how to, do you know how besides radical acceptance?