Wish I Could Slow Down All The Thoughts In My Mind

[devildoc130]

Dissociation has always been a big part of my PTSD. If I think of myself in third person, and think about what's going on inside my head..it's just a big mess of things. Flying around back and forth..Constantly feeling like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, life isn't slowing down, letting me enjoy a break (even when it's break time, I'm still on my toes, keeping a watchful eye, my heart rate is still racing, and things are crazy.. it's hard to breath, to relax. The crazy thing is, the only time when I'm completely relaxed is when I dissociate. When I shut everything out and drift away from the world. As I like to call it. Does anyone else feel relaxed when they are in this state of mind? Like I saw on another post, it's interesting what other people "see" when one is dissociating... people always ask me if I'm okay. Yes, It's incredibly annoying! LOL.

I've been seeing a great Therapist and Psychiatrist through the miltary for a while now. Yes, I'v learned breathing exercises and everything under the sun. I esspecially enjoy mindfullness. Would it be strange if I said, I think I like going into "dissociative mode." I'll relax for a little while, but after the whole experience I feel an overwhelming nervous feeling.

Doc B

 

[AngrySky]

Hey Doc - I know how you feel. I do the same thing. Like a third person watching me struggle with trying to wuiet the chatter. It is very tiring. Trying to live 3 different lives. The outward one, the inner one as well as the damn referee trying to find peace. Dissociation is my favorite mechanism to unwind and you are not alone in thinking that you enjoy it, I do, but I too am still always "on". You just cant seem to shut it off.

Mindfulness, such a great theory but even that is tiring. Forcing yourself to be mindful.

Keep going.

 

[devildoc130]

Thank you angry sky. Appreciate the support and I'm glad it's not just me. I like what you said about the referee. Forcing myself to do something else to replace the bad stress...is very tiring as well. Like you also mentioned about the mindfullness.

 

[devildoc130]

Everyday is tough but, slow and steady, I'll come out on top.

 

[arfie]

Used to. In retrospect, I put it in league with my sister's dissociation by alcohol. The side effects are devastating. My sister thinks she's fine when she is falling down drunk, too.

These days it gets me doubling up on my program work. Now that I have some clues on how to relax without disabling any of my natural functions the dissociation doesn't feel so peaceful. It now feels like a warning.

 

[devildoc130]

Thank you for all the replies and support. It's just been a roller coaster ride. Especially tough while in the service.