Witnessed A Crime Last Night.

[Fadeaway]

I witnessed a violent crime last night. I am pretty sure the person who did it got a pretty good look at me. I got a good enough look at him to give a description to the security guard. For that reason I am going to say no more.

I was pretty ampped up on adrenaline last night and so it didn't hit me. This morning I woke up with this horrible somatic pain in the center of my chest. I have had this before but not for a while. I can say it is not anxiety but something far worse. It is very similar to that feeling you get when you are told someone close to you has died.

It just hurts so much and feels like this big ball of yuck, grief and death. It lasted a few hours and all I could think of was that I was fully prepared to end my life if it didn't go away.

I start EMDR tomorrow and now I am wondering if it is a good idea right now. I am supposed to do the EMDR to help with the flashbacks that are preventing me from getting proper medical care, but the intensity in which I felt suicidal, even though it was only a few hours kind of freaks me out.

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

Oh sh*t, that really sucks. :hug: If you accept them.

I know the exact feeling your talking about. It's like your heart falls into you stomach and the void is left gaping exposed and your throat feels like it's closing up. The space where your heart was trys to beat, and turns into a black hole and it's going to collapse into it's self and drag your body with it.

I'm really sorry you went through that.
Maybe best to talk to the therapist who's doing the emdr s/he would know what's best to do if it's not a good idea to do the therapy just now or maybe you might needs few more relaxation sessions first. Xx

 

[Stickler]

Oh wow...shit happens!

I would skip EMDR, talk about what happened. Seeing violence is really freaky.

 

[WillyKat]

I can understand why you don't want to say more. On the other hand, saying more might be exactly the best thing, therapeutically speaking, you could do. I would vent it all out somewhere, whether that's here or with your T. If you say it all here: just add Trigger Warnings.

 

[joeylittle]

If you say it all here: just add Trigger Warnings.

No, @WillyKat - we don't use trigger warnings on this site, specifically because too many elements are triggering. Posters can make their own choices about what they will/will not read, but anyone is free to write their experiences freely.

 

[WillyKat]

@joeylittle, didn't know that, thanks.

 

[hodge]

I'm so sorry this happened, Fadeaway. I agree you should talk to your therapist about this before doing EMDR. People can get PTSD from witnessing a violent crime, so you want to make sure you're dealing with this. Take care.

 

[Neverthesame]

You still hanging in there @Fadeaway?

I am thinking you may want to discuss this with your T, before doing EMDR. I don't remember emdr fondly. It can hit really hard.

Ultimately, you know you best. I just hope your doing okay.

 

[Fadeaway]

I didn't have the guts to say anything. My T's boss was there. I felt like I needed to go through with it since my T had arranged for her boss to be there. I really like my T and didn't want to make waves.

@NoWhereKnowWhere You describe the feeling so well.

 

[Neverthesame]

How are you coping right now? Doing okay?

 

[Fadeaway]

Aside from bad nightmares last night, and being a little shook up from that, I am doing ok. Thank you for asking.

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

Would you've asked someone else to just go through with it without explaining to their T about something traumatic that happened only a few days ago? Even someone you don't know?

I think you can treat yourself better than than you would a stranger.

I'm glad you're doing ok. :hug: