Woke up wishing for death

[user44376]

Tired of always feeling like I'm auditioning for people. My Worker's Comp people literally think I'll be back at work in a few weeks maybe a few months and are asking for a resume. I can barely get out of bed, eat or shower. Wtf are they thinking? The idea of writing a resume and even thinking on those terms escalates me to the point of self-abuse.

Outside of my shrink, Comp case manager and local baristas I haven't spoken to anyone in weeks. I'm so f*cking lonely and starved for just one human touch.

Days like this I feel covered in cement. A block. An unfinished sculpture trapped in marble. I don't want to be conscious. Or think. Or feel. I'm so f*cking tired.

I can't keep auditioning for people. Like a f*cking dancing bear. Im so sick and broken and it's like no one knows. I present as quiet and "normal" and apparently that's my sin.

My brain is shattered and I keep having to prove it. I don't want any part of this anymore. I have nothing.

 

[trying to heal]

Really sorry you are feeling so bad. Just know it is safe to vent here and people are always online to listen even when it feels like there is no one around.

 

[Akhos]

I must say I know the feeling. I wake up daily hating the fact I am still around.

My body hurts, every muscle feels exhausted and sore. I take a deep breath and roll out of bed. That, to me, is my first accomplishment of the day. I then make the bed quickly, thats my 2nd accomplishment of the day.

I then figure to mysellf....well thats two accomplishments completed already, lets see how many more I can complete in the next 10 minutes and then I just repeat it for the rest of the day.

 

[Kopykat]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, it's really a terrible feeling! I too am going through a messy work comp fight, almost a year now, and I know how draining, depressing and anxiety provoking it can be. Am here if you want to vent or chat!