work christmas party

[IamFree]

I have decided I want to duck out of the work Christmas meal . I thought the time was right to give it a try as I know I cant spend my whole life avoiding socialising but I have to many alarm bills ringing around the whole alcohol issue as were I work is very much a drinking culture...people can have an agenda to get you to have a drink and now there is talk of going to the pub first before the meal...I am not in a place in my recovery yet were I can be in such situations and not trust that my defences will be overwhelemed ..I have even been thinking already oh perhaps I will have a couple...but I know its not what I want its just to fit in but alcohol is very dangerous for me right now . I am also very angry with alcohol and the drinking culture I came from for the conseqeunces it had for my family. I know its part of life and I want to learn how to not let it bother me but I am not at that stage yet so I am not doing this out of avoidance it is just protecting my self from what I know I can not deal with right now.

I do not think in a situation like this its wrong to lie to protect yourself and spare others feeling anyone been in this situation got any tips for bailing out.

 

[IamFree]

I have decided I want to duck out of the work Christmas meal . I thought the time was right to give it a try as I know I cant spend my whole life avoiding socialising but I have to many alarm bills ringing around the whole alcohol issue as were I work is very much a drinking culture...people can have an agenda to get you to have a drink and now there is talk of going to the pub first before the meal...I am not in a place in my recovery yet were I can be in such situations and not trust that my defences will be overwhelemed ..I have even been thinking already oh perhaps I will have a couple...but I know its not what I want its just to fit in but alcohol is very dangerous for me right now . I am also very angry with alcohol and the drinking culture I came from for the conseqeunces it had for my family. I know its part of life and I want to learn how to not let it bother me but I am not at that stage yet so I am not doing this out of avoidance it is just protecting my self from what I know I can not deal with right now.

I do not think in a situation like this its wrong to lie to protect yourself and spare others feeling anyone been in this situation got any tips for bailing out.

defences will not be overwhelmed rather

 

[Changing4Best]

You could say you don't drink for medical reasons (like it might not mix well with your medications, if you take any?)

 

[Sweetleaf]

I agree with what @Changing4Best said - I've used the same excuse myself.

 

[Still Standing]

The excuse as suggested above would be acceptable because, for you, it IS a medication and you cannot afford to be tempted by it. I would lean on the side of not attending the festivities. There is a huge chance you will regret it. Is it worth the risk, to you, to attend. It sounds like you have already thought this through. Don't second guess yourself. Take that night and go out to dinner with a friend or go to a movie. Reward yourself, in place of that night's plans, and do something safe and enjoyable for yourself. Be safe.

 

[grit]

If you drive say you are driving. I honestly think you can also just say you have a long way to go. Say something that is truly true and you can easily resonate with.
Or if you can skip the whole facade. I dislike this kind of social conditioning. I feel like we are just monkeys wearing clothes.

 

[LuckiLee]

"Sorry I can't make it, I have other plans that I can't change".

 

[EveHarrington]

What’s the setup?

Is the party after work?

Is it during regular work hours?

On the weekend?

 

[Friday]

I do not think in a situation like this its wrong to lie to protect yourself and spare others feeling anyone been in this situation got any tips for bailing out.

Why lie?

Why not just say that you have a personal thing that day & cant make it?

If it’s immediately after work -or at work- you could even request the whole day off & do something fun.

 

[IamFree]

You could say you don't drink for medical reasons (like it might not mix well with your medications, if you take any?)

Thanks for everyones input

I have ruled out going and saying I can not drink for medical reasons as this would have been fine if I was in a place were I was feeling in the right place in my recovery wanted to go but just not drink. Its more a case of feeling like I do not yet know how to handle such a situation...I am only half way through my DBT course and have not yet done the interpersonal affectivness module which would give me some direction but right now I have a lot of limitations socially and I do not think they can be overcome by throwing my self in to a situation which is already overwhelming me now just thinking about it. I know I need to avoid avoidance but I have to be realistic about were I am at as well. Still right in the thick of my trauma work starting EDMR in the new year. Still getting to know my triggers which can still pack quite a punch when I can least expect it. Have a lot of anger issues around alcohol and other drugs and I still blame and hold it resposnable for mine and my familys predicament but rather than go round planting bombs in brewerys I want to learn to accept its what a lot of people do and society is not going to change for my comfort and convenience but I don't think its going to happen any time quickly

The saying oh I cant go because I have plans would have been a good one if I had not already said I would go already without thinking it through. I used to say oh I hate lying and could not lie about anything but this condition has made me a little more ruthless considering the world can be pretty ruthless in just stepping over you when your face is in the gutter so they can carry on enjoying them selfs...the more I am writing this the more anger I seem to be connecting with over my experiences with alchohol I think this is what the real issue is for me here...that with drinking people only want you when your looking good with it and if not its just ..oh go away your making us look bad...after egging you on to get like that in the first place.....bloody hell god help me I am RAgeing now ha ha ha hhaaaaa

What’s the setup?

Is the party after work?

Is it during regular work hours?

On the weekend?

on the weekend which is good coz I can just say I have to go and see family or something

 

[Friday]

if I had not already said I would go already without thinking it through

That’s exactly what you say... you were so excited you didn’t think it through, and didn’t realize you have a personal thing that day.

 

[IamFree]

please excuse the ranting and raving ..its really brought a lot of stuff in to my awareness