Working On Myself Hurts

[Iam]

Sterre,
That is exactly the idea behind all of this. I have to say that it did feel good to be able to comfort the 7 year old, I could feel the comforting. It's all so weird how that ego state integrated with my present one.

Deer, I think the feeling of safety is really important. I know that I have been able to cry with my EMDR T and not my regular. It's not that I don't trust my regular T and do feel safe with him, but not the gentle understanding that my other T provides. Maybe her being a female feels safer too, more nurturing.

Bloom, The first time I cried was when I got in contact with the 2 yr old me doing an age regression exercise I found in "Healing The Shame That Binds Us". Before that I would "leak" for other people. I was terrified of crying, that if I let loose that I would somehow just disappear into it and never come out. I have dissociated twice when I cried like that, you know me crying about everything. When it is letting that inner child cry, it's different somehow. I think the fact that I can hold and comfort her while she cries is what makes it healing.

I know the 2 yr old is happy and carefree now. I am hoping that I will find that true with the 7 yr old and other frozen ego states. The critical one is going to be tough to deal with. It's hard to like her. Geeze this all sounds so "CRAZY" LOL! It works though and that is the main thing!

 

[Iam]

I'm with you on the pain and I think it's important for us to find those children in us. I am not one to talk because I can't even get close to that child.
NH

NH....it has taken me a long time and lots of patience. The 7 yr old wouldn't let me near her for quite awhile in fact it took EMDR to even find her. She was so angry. My T kept having me tell her that I understood why she was angry and didn't trust. That I am patient and will wait as long as it takes and will be there when she is ready. I've been waiting for months. Sometimes she would engage from a distance, but if I got to close she'd retreat. It takes time, your younger self was hurt so badly. Can you understand why she would be so afraid? If so, tell her that. Simply that you understand.

In writing the letter, I started out like I was saying what I would say to a young child I cared about. A child totally separate from myself. It was amazing how it morphed into my inner child. Really amazing. What would you say to a child that went thru what you went thru?

(((HUGS))) NH....you have made so much progress and have a great new T. You'll get there ;o)