You Are Not Better Than Anyone Else...

[goingonhope]

Hey helena, I just now realized where my judgementalness lay. I didn't think I went around thinking that I was better then anyone else, but there are those exceptions:

I've known that my ego originally got really messed up in youth. And, here is just one example of where I think I'm better then another. Still, I tend to think I'm better then my sister who while I was anorexic beat me nearly to death and then bragged to two others within days, while standing not 6ft. away from me as I lay pretending that I was asleep, but nevertheless bragged of what she accomplished. And, within a week while I stood brushing my hair in the mirror approached me standing alongside me, (something she never did) and made the statement: "I use to think that you were so much prettier then I, but now I feel just as pretty."

Apparently, I've got some sorting through of emotional things to do before I become willing to believe that perhaps it could've been me that was afflicted as she was and forgive her. Though, I'll wisely discern and continue to keep distance, perhaps I can truly forgive her and stop thinking she's likely still a crafty, jealous, hateful, b'tch.

Sh't I got lots of work to do upon myself, to be again and maintain being the type of person I believe God has intended me to be. (In all seriousness!)

 

[helena]

Mmm.... quite sure I would regard myself 'better' than someone who was just plain evil too.

When I wrote this thread I was quite upset about how simple, everyday comments can cause people a lot of distress but it is kind of a utopian ideal.

We can never get rid of judgement completely - we have to judge behaviour/acts etc but what I was getting at was more the 'value judgements' people make about class, money, education, looks etc etc.

I think it would be unhealthy for abuse victims not to feel superior in values to their abuser. They are the sick ones, not the victims.

As for social workers/probation officers etc they are a special breed because they have to suspend their judgement in order to be effective at their job but I don't think non-professionals or victims should ever be expected to do that.

 

[JohnnyM53]

I often thought that all humans should be put in a camp and experience having their basic rights abused so that they understand the effects such abuse has one everyone. And they weren't allowed to leave until they fundamentally understood that it was wrong.

But the trouble with this kind of thinking is that we would have to assume that all humans are starting off at the same, sane, balanced point.

The human brain is so complicated, with its inherited or developed narcisistic, eccentric, psycho and socio pathologic tendencies, etc. and so many would never understand or be able to understand that we are all equal.

Just a thought. Comments?

 

[onebravegirl]

Well JohnnyM53, I think it would be great too. That's actually what the bible talks about happening. Earth being returned to Paradise conditions, everyone equal and all wanting goodness. But that is with GOD in charge.
That's the only way it would work IMO.
Look at the TV show survivor. Horrible people! Now what about if we had a show called PTSD island? ooo! That might be a neat thread!
:rofl:
O

 

[anni]

PTSD Island? No one would win OR get off, and the producers would give up and send everyone on a cruise. It would be " No, YOU go ahead, it's ok! I really don't mind starving if YOU get to eat!" or "Oh heavens no, you're obviously much more deserving than me to sleep in the palm hut I just built, this monsoon actually feels just lovely to sleep in." and then in the final moments you wouldn't be able to get anyone to get the heck off that nice, secluded, ISOLATED island. PTSD fantasia!

:) Anni

 

[NarcSis]

If someone could invent the "flashy thing" from Men in Black, we'd all be fine!!

 

[rjtransient]

Couldn't Resist.

Judgment and discrimination are tools. Like any tools, they can be abused.

You could argue this from any angle. Personal example: I was raised in a relatively privileged family. They'd come home from work, read the two daily newspapers, bitch about "those people", passive aggressively snipe at their associates, and feel perfectly comfortable and assured of their own status as Decent People as they relaxed to Charles Stanley preaching on the widescreen TV on Sundays. They'd toss darts and then I'd go and actually investigate the target. I've purposely taken on mindsets that weren't mine and acted out the roles.

I don't think we're all equal, because I don't know how to unravel the word "equal" in light of the personality traits we're measuring. We're certainly not all the same. I knew a Ph.D candidate who's already enjoyed more fame and success than most of us could dream of. She won those accolades by knowing what to say and who to say it to. Behind the mask, she spreads petty rumours, writes out violent fantasies, and has considered dipping into the sex trade. I knew two very smart people who dropped out of high school, one claiming a grade eight education, and both would readily attest to their intellectual superiority. One of the two thinks herself superior because of her ability to lie and manipulate. Keen insight into human nature coupled with incisive verbal skills is not only a talent, it's a very effective weapon. Anyone, from ANY background, who has a strong desire to 'win' can turn bullshit into marmalade. Power will be abused. Privilege of any flavor -- intelligence, social ability, finances, whatever -- can be used to any end, constructively or destructively.

Pride is not necessarily a bad trait. I'm more watchful of how the person uses it. I've developed a complex about narcissistic types; they're awesome from a distance, I love seeing the products of their very talented selves and gifted minds, just... don't get any closer. If only we could divorce the intelligence and aptitude from the ego. . . .

People can convince themselves of whatever they like as long as they don't hurt each other. At least while I'm around. And no matter how many different viewpoints I'm exposed to, Ayn Rand still sucks.

 

[reallydown]

And no matter how many different viewpoints I'm exposed to, Ayn Rand still sucks.

LOL! I agree with that one! :clap:

I respect the fact that we're all human and as such entitled to a life of dignity and respect. However, when you decide to abuse children, kill innocent people etc., you forfeit any claim to respect, other than the bare minimum.

I will never judge someone for being poor, uneducated etc. However, if you come from a relatively priviledged background, and have had every opportunity to educate yourself and you remain an ignorant fool, I will judge you.

I also had the idealistic view that all people smart and that it was only a matter of the degree of education. However, I have found out that there truly are stupid people out there. Having said that, if someone was not endowed with intellectual prowess, that is not their fault and it is not to be judged, if they are a decent person who doesn't harm others. Where I have a problem is with those who clearly are ignorant and yet stubbornly insist that they are right about x, y or z when they clearly do not have the information (which is readlily available)...The same goes with those who have had education and yet hold certain, narrow views that only ultimately lead to thier own profit.

Thus, I would posit that irrespective of some artificial IQ score, those who are truly more intelligent are the ones who look at the bigger picture, as well as the details, and who have empathy for those they share this planet with, rather than kicking them when they're down etc...

 

[helena]

I'm amazed at how many people actually feel the same... I wrote this as a bit of a vent, not expecting to get many responses.

RJ - good point. I think it is a common fallacy that somehow 'intelligence' as measured by IQ tests must equate to decency and emotional intelligence - just look at some of the world leaders we have had (still have). I doubt that many could question their intelligence but something must be drastically wrong with the wiring of their brains (or souls?) imho.

There is so much snobbery that it drives me nuts quite frankly. I don't know if it is as bad elsewhere as it can be here. It just seems to pervade certain professions but is always 'masked' under the pretence of questionning someone's 'competence' or 'ability' as if this is a more reasonable position to maintain - rather than saying what they really mean which is that they feel uncomfortable with the person because they didn't attend an ivy league university or simply threatened because they are just not tough or driven enough to compete.

I don't believe that 'two wrongs' necessarily make a right. Nevertheless, I think a brief walk in someone else's shoes might help some people to see there is a whole other picture to the human experience.

 

[onebravegirl]

There but for the grace of God go I...
O

 

[rjtransient]

Exposure Therapy?

I absolutely believe a subset of essentially-decent people would experience some kind of turnaround with exposure to the right kinds of awful stimuli. I suppose everyone has a hypothetical breaking point, and it's tempting to imagine what those breaking points might be, but I can just see the minority of narcissistic sociopaths using their newfound empathy for their own purposes.

I dunno. Zimbardo taught me that almost anyone is capable of abusing authority and most people can also be entrained out of that mindset (as in, it's your turn to play prisoner), but I don't think there's a basic level of humanitarianism in every human psyche.

It just seems to pervade certain professions but is always 'masked' under the pretence of questioning someone's 'competence' or 'ability'

That's just it! Those who can really wreak damage are the ones who can redirect aggression into a palatable critique of the target. "Competence" is a safe choice. If the critique is dispassionate and rational, and the targeted R.N. or office worker can't keep up with the game, that's all they need. The facade always slips eventually (and are we good at spotting it or what?), but not often enough or publicly enough that they'd have a real reason to fear backlash.

-RJ, staying out of philosophy and medicine

 

[Heather]

This is a MAJOR sore spot with me.:mad:
I was bullied as a child

This is a very old thread but I'm resurrecting it because I was tortured mercilessly in the 7th but especially 8th and 9th grade. I've Never, EVER told anyone. It's pretty much haunted me my whole life. It's even happened as an adult when waitressing. It has affected the way that I've felt about myself. It makes me feel like a worthless piece of sh*t.

I can't say anything else about it right now because it's too painful and humiliating.