Sufferer C-ptsd Chronic Insomnia-isolation

[sedna]

Hello people here.

I've spent a lot of time reading this sight before writing joining and writing my intro. today. I still have trouble determining if talking about things helps or makes it worse. I had a narcissist / sociopathic abusive father and a mother who was always trying to kill herself and ended up institutionalized. I was raped by friends of my family when I was 13. I managed to turn out okay by my early 20's and got lots of therapy after cutting off my family.

What went wrong after that was that I got married, had children, and moved to a foreign country where my husband began abuse gradually with verbal and emotional abuse, then it kept escalating until it was physical and he controlled everything. I was trapped with no passports and no way to get my kids home and no family to go to. That lasted six years, I made it home but from there the nightmare of trying to survive with my kids and no help began. I dont even remember most of the last ten years, sadly thats my kids childhood gone too. When things got calmer is when I froze. All the trauma I couldnt feel hit me at once. I never sleep, I feel disconnected from everything and I have no friends, I keep everyone at arms length but my children. It took 4 years with a therapist for me to tell him my whole story because my mind goes blank and I just dont know how to put it in words. I'm comfortable writing, so thats why I'm here. To practice being present with my history while I communicate with other people. So far so good, although it did take me hours to get this far today! ;)

I appreciate all the honest comments here and the lack of censorship, it helped me have some courage.

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome to the forum! :)

I think that perhaps there is s happy medium where you're not spilling your guts about everything------as for me this would amount to drowning in my past-----but you are posting about issues that arise in order to get constructive feedback. This is sort of the route I've decided to take. Regardless, take your time to find what works for you. :hug:

 

[sedna]

Thanks! I'm not sure I put that post in the right place...I meant it to go on top of other introductions. :unsure: I'm not sure how this forum works. It's more like I have to break the habit of completely pretending I have no issues of any kind whatsoever when I talk to people. After my post I thought it looked like a script for a bad Lifetime channel for women movie and I wanted to take it off there..There is no erase button after the post!! :nailbiting: So far I'm getting lots of comfort just reading articles and posts here. Thank you for saying hello! :)

 

[GWhizz]

Welcome to the forums. I think you'll find lots of helpful support on here. Just being able to write it really helps me here as I also struggle to verbalise things in therapy etc.

 

[EveHarrington]

Oh, no worries! While I do think lifetime can be somewhat of a joke, I wasn't flashing on bad lifetime movies in the least when I read your post. It sounds like you've been through so much in life and I think you're an incredibly strong person. I really do hope that you keep on posting. Even if you don't want to share much about yourself at first, you could try to respond to other members posts. I've found that to be a good way to participate on the forum. (But I also have paranoia issues that I'm trying to overcome, so posting about myself really can make those paranoid thoughts spike----it's even hard for me to go back to my threads----I have one of those hanging out there right now.)

 

[sedna]

Welcome to the forums. I think you'll find lots of helpful support on here. Just being able to write it...

Thank you :)

 

[sedna]

Oh, no worries! While I do think lifetime can be somewhat of a joke, I wasn't flashing on bad lif...

I know what you mean, I was expecting to feel all safe and anonymous, but I feel sort of like I just ran down the street in my underwear or something. The truth is, the inside of my head is the worst neighborhood I hang out in. We're probably okay here.

 

[Enaila]

Welcome coco from someone else who can't sleep! Since I started posting and reading forums on this site, I have learned more about myself and am improving on communicating. The first post is the hardest. So many on this site, know exactly what you are experiencing as have first-hand knowledge. Do we have the same traumas? No, but PTSD is PTSD and many symptoms are the same for all of us. Keep writing and sharing!

 

[ladee]

Just coming here and reading is a huge first step ! Then making a post. O M G !!! We don't realize , after so much isolation and not verbalizing, that there are people who really do listen, who really do 'get it', who will support us no matter what.... That is overwhelming and leaves us feeling very vulnerable. Take your time... sometimes we can go on overload from reading too much here.. We need to take a break now and again.
But you will find your way around. Find who you relate to. And find your place here. This huge circle always has room for one more... many gentle and compassionate people here who understand. Again, just take your time... unfortunately, our PTSD isn't going anywhere... and neither are we.. So welcome.... This is an awesome place to start picking up the pieces and moving forward. gentle hugs if you accept.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Welcome to the discussions :hug: I trust this place helps you. It's extremely helpful in light of the mass measure of individuals who feel comparative and get it. There is a considerable measure of guidance and backing to be found here :) I hope this astounding group helps you as much as it helped me, understanding all the comparable stories, and taking in a ton along the way. Hugs if you accept :hug:

 

[sedna]

Hi, thank you for the welcome. It's already made some difference - in just being able to organize my thoughts while I'm thinking about my issues and other people ptsd also. I'm going to manage the hug thing now :hug: there you go, the first hug I manged is all yours!

 

[intothelight]

@coco9 Welcome and the best part of this site is the members here really do understand. Just have a place to think, sort and write is so helpful and post here is a great first step in breaking out of isolation. I hope you find the information and support here helpful.