Dissecting Repressed Memories - What's Real?

[watundah]

For six months, I have been focusing on non-dominant hand writing with my inner child. I am a bit stunned by the last few months in that details of CSA are coming out in this writing. Of course, like everyone, I question, "is this real???". The writing, I suppose, is just a different modality through which experience can resurface, but the details are alarming, moreso than what I have experienced in CSA memories that came to light on their own about 10 years ago.

Has anyone else uncovered memories in this fashion?

Regardless of how they came about, how do you accept that things happened when you have zero recall of them?

I understand that it is more important to acknowledge that, yes, something did happen, vs getting preoccupied with the details, but that's a difficult ask.

 

[The ANP]

I once drew a picture of suppressed abuse spontaneously with my non dominant hand. I know the feeling. I think the reasons these things get suppressed is the overwhelming nature of the experience. For me it's been a process of titrating the emotions and feeling them in bursts. Try not to get hung up on details. Somethings may never be knowable. I try to sit with the things that come up and feel them out. It's like psychological archeology some part of memory reconstruction is fill in the blanks... For me some things I can only know by feeling.

 

[watundah]

Psychological archeology, indeed.

Many times, I feel nothing, which also bothers me. It's compelling work but I am detached. Sometimes I am sad because these things happened to me, then I move on. I think the problem points back to the questioning, if it's not vivid and in the forefront, how do I buy into this.

 

[watundah]

I am trying to rationalize and recall meeting up with a high school friend. We both brought up memories that the other didn't remember, yet they undoubtedly happened. I suppose it's kind of like that...except I know those are real.

It's tricky.

 

[The ANP]

I also remain detached from my emotions. Part of my work has been trying to reconnect with them. For me it's been like burping a pickle jar, let it out and close the lid before you let out too much. I've got 17 years of surpressed emotions to work through in small burst because each time it's overwhelming.

 

[Casey Jones]

For six months, I have been focusing on non-dominant hand writing with my inner child. I am a bit stun...

This is something I have really been struggling with as well. I was sexually assaulted 2 years ago, however, the actual rape/penetration flashbacks did not occur until now. I'm feel like I'm going crazy because I am in this weird denial about the rape flashbacks. It's like I know it did happen, but there is this tiny voice in the back of my head telling me I'm just making it all up...sorry I couldn't provide any help! Just wanted to let you know your not alone. I'm in the same boat, any advice would be greatly appreciated!