Sexual Assault Brushing It Off

[nlittle1011]

So I was just thinking about certain moments in my life and how I just brushed them off as if they were normal occurrences. When I was in my early teens, I received a phone call from a pervert, telling me what I was wearing and he knew that I was home alone and that he saw what I did to myself. He wanted me to 'come out and play with him'. Thankfully we were moving the next day but I just brushed it off as normal. Another example of this was when I was being touched in my sleep by a male friend. I had let him stay over and we were not romantically involved. While he was violating me, I pretended I was asleep, frozen and hoping he would stop. I laid there for about 30 mins letting him violate me. After it was over, I just brushed it off like it was nothing, no big deal, this happens all time. A final example, I was living in a basement suite, I was about 7 months pregnant and sleeping. I awoke to the sound of my window being opened and a man had his head through the window showing me a large knife. He proclaimed that he was going to rape me. I screamed at him to get out of here as I was pregnant. He didn't rape me but I brushed that off too, like it was nothing.....what in the holy hell has happened to me that I can just brush those very traumatic kinds of things off, like they are nothing :(

 

[EveHarrington]

Yes, I understand. I brushed off something that would have most people freaking out and I wonder why didn't I make a bigger fuss? Why didn't I call the cops? I should have, as in retrospect I put other people in danger.

<stupid brain!>

 

[Chitoshi]

Hi nlittle, I have had the same things happen to me in regards to brushing things off. One of my ex-boyfriend's friends threatened to rape me and said he knew where I lived. He didn't, but when I told my ex-boyfriend about it he laughed it off and said I took his friend too seriously, his friend was joking, obviously, and I took it too hard. I was at a party with a guy trying to turn me over and putting his hands down my pants in an attempt to get them off. I woke up, but I was so afraid I also froze and pretended I was asleep for awhile before trying to pull his hand out. I convinced myself it "wasn't that bad" and brushed it off, too. I straight up forgot about it for years until I was assaulted and raped.

You're not the only one who brushes and has brushed these things off as if they are nothing, if it helps to know. :hug: if you accept them. If you need anything, I'm around.

 

[nlittle1011]

Oh phewf, I thought I was weird for taking those serious things so lightly. Glad I am not alone

 

[EveHarrington]

Wait-------

Just realized that my trauma wasn't stereotypically violent. I mean we are conditioned (by tv, movies, etc) to think that "bad things" are violent. Rapes only happen with a knife to your throat, clothes ripped off, and so forth. I didn't react to initial trauma as it wasn't violent, and I don't react to bad things now because they aren't "violent" either.

I realize that ALL trauma is indeed violent but when it's inflicted on us in a calm way our minds don't register it as a bad thing. (At least this is what happens to me I think!)

 

[Chitoshi]

Wait-------

Just realized that my trauma wasn't stereotypically violent. I mean we are condition...

I relate to this very strongly.

 

[RussH]

in retrospect I put other people in danger.

So often we think if we don't report something then we cause others to be in danger, or suffer. The truth is, even if we report things there is no guarantee the police will do anything, so don't blame yourself if others get hurt.

 

[Friday]

My best friend gets all ticked off wih me when I go to the ER and don't call her. It's just like... Wha??? It's the ER. It's not like it's a big deal. Some stitches, a few X-rays, maybe some casting, an IV full of meds, shrug. Patched up and sent on our way. That's what the ERs for. "Hi! I'm bleeding all over the carpet. Fix that for me, would ya?"

The last time she categorically lost it, just a car accident 1 good bleeder (partially bisected my radial artery, easy fix, tennis ball in my armpit and the docs nipped it shut. Yay! Stitches :P) & a bump on my head, but aside from that I was fine. Anyhow she dressed me down six ways from Sunday and my flatline learning curve (or maybe the head injury) finally let it sink in. Oh. She gets mad at me if I don't phone her from the ER? Maybe I should phone her?

I still don't understand exactly why she wants a phone call, but I'm making the effort. On the upside, the last trip equalled an admit for a couple weeks, and while that -admission- doesn't always rate a phone call? (in my head) It certainly made it easier to ask her to take my rent check down that she knew I was otherwise engaged! It also saved me being growled at. Score! But most of the time it really seems largely pointless. Yeah. I'm a bit banged up. I'll be fine.

I'm just used to taking care of myself.

And my level of f*cked up shit has a pretty high threshold. A lot of things that are apparently a big deal in normal-land, barely even blip my radar.

What's "normal"? Is relative.

 

[Silver.]

@FridayJones In relation to your friend: most people know me as a mother hen. I worry about people. I've spent most of my life taking care of others, and that is just how I am built.
My friends know to message or call every so often, so I know they are okay (and I do the same, it's not just a one way street). It's a level of mutual respect, understanding that I genuinely care and worry about their well being, and they understand it's important for me to know. Where I often will brush off minor things, (heck, major things too. Broken wrist? just stomp it back into place lol), but for my friends/loved ones, if they have to go to the er I want to be there for them, for support. Sometimes sitting in the er is stressful, or around here, because there is so much waiting, it's a big bore. It's nice to have someone there with you to keep you company. Even if they don't want me to go to the er with them, I respect that, and am glad they at least called. I sleep easier knowing all my loved ones are safe. Could just be how your friend is :)

 

[Naoru]

I also tend to brush things off or view something others say is major as no big deal... coping mechanism, self protection, an "I can take care of myself" attitude, or just I've gotten so used to certain things it really, honestly, isn't a big deal in my book.. a blip on the radar as Friday said. It's often baffling to other people, but I'm not quite to the level where I see the big deal about doing this. ;) I'm working on it.

I think what you're saying is pretty normal among trauma survivors, especially those with continuous trauma. Something else happens and we just add it to the list and brush it off (or that could be just me)... or as Eve said, when something calm but traumatic happens, our minds don't even register the badness of the event at the time. Anyway, you're not alone :hug: and it sounds like you're making progress if you're able to recognize how bad or traumatic these things really were.

 

[Sandi]

I can completely relate to this. One time I went swimming with a male friend and he kept staring at me in my bikini. Later that day we drank and I fell asleep and he started taking off my clothes. I, too, froze and pretended I was asleep. I have no idea why I just did that. Over time, other things happened like I was followed and a man peaked at me in the bathroom, then he masturbated to me outside of my classroom, my husband put his hands on me and forces himself on me when he's drunk, etc. All of these things I brushed off. What happened to you sounds elfin scary and horrible, but a part of me understands why you didn't do anything. I think sometimes people get used to this type of behavior. I know I did and it's very hard to get rid of this way of thinking.

 

[Confused2]

I've realised recently that I've also brushed off at least 6 occasions when I've been either assaulted or harassed.
1. When I was 10 and old man neighbour stopped me on my bike and pulled down my shirt so he could see my "little titties" brrrr makes me feel sick
2. Around the same age I was very obviously followed home (and intimidated) from my local shop on my bike my a man.
3. At 18 I was date-raped (drugged I think in hindsight) and photographed by a family friend
4. 18 I was grabbed on the vagina by another family friend
5. 18 I was harrassed by a taxi driver who kept reaching under my legs as he was driving ("looking for something"), asked me if I had keys to my house and if anyone else was home, and wouldn't let me out until I took his phone number, then sat outside my house with his side-light shining in my window for ages.
6. 18 I woke up in my boyfriend's bed with his flat mate kneeling on the floor beside the bed with his fingers in my vagina. I whispered "what are you doing?" And he ran away.

All of these things I brushed off and felt like they either weren't "bad" enough or I was somehow giving off signals, asking for it, wouldn't be believed etc. and I'm only now realising how bad it all really was and how traumatised I am.