How Much Time Do You Spend Thinking About Your Trauma?

[Sideways]

Swings and roundabouts. Years went by without really ever thinking about it (aaaah, those were the good ol' days!). Then it hit like a tonne of bricks and it was everywhere, all around me, aaall the time. Then it stopped for a while. Then therapy took a turn and it was back with a vengeance. And now it's gone again. The fallout is everywhere, but the trauma itself? What trauma!?

But much like The Sound Of Music getting rerun each Christmas, I rest in the knowledge that it will no doubt be back again. Because we aren't done yet. Maybe one day we'll be done for good with the memory stuff, but in the meantime, swings and roundabouts.

 

[The Albatross]

Hardly any anymore, everyday. Maybe an hour or so when connecting with peers or more if I read the forum. But it was a long time coming and a steady slog through the muck.

 

[sun seeker]

I'm having trouble focusing on this thread, and feeling badly about not keeping up with it since I started it. There was one response that startled me (and no, no one did anything wrong, it just stirred up some stuff I wasn't expecting) and my mind started spinning on things far away from the original topic. When I try to pull myself back I start going blank. I really do appreciate everyone's answers and I will do my best to get to them when I've gotten out of this weird space... or decided whether to go off on a tangent, or both.

 

[Sideways]

Personally I've always been partial to a good tangent;)

Take it easy on yourself. Stuff's been tumultuous. You're allowed to take your time:)

 

[rosey]

Personally I've always been partial to a good tangent;)

Take it easy on yourself. Stuff's been...

likewise straight lines of thought are over rated @ragdollcircus and agree with taking time no one needs any follow up just look after yourself @sun seeker

 

[Hopeful3x]

My whole goal in life was to not think about it. Now I am finally getting help and I notice some memories starting to surface. Im scared and I don't want them I want them to go away forever, but apparently that's always been the plan and it hasn't worked out to well for me.

 

[sun seeker]

I suffered mind control for years in a cult.

So did I.

That's what I was pausing over. This is the first time I've admitted this so publicly. Somehow it feels like I'm ready, though no idea how I'll feel after posting this.

It was when I saw the correlation between the mind control and your feelings in the present that the wheels in my mind started spinning. I wasn't trained to believe this specific thing, but there are a bunch of other things I fear and obsess over that once I start digging, I can see that they came from specific, purposeful programming. I forgot the whole thing for a long time, so these realizations are coming to me piece by piece. It's helping me to forgive myself, to see that certain things I have always thought of as character flaws or the result of just not trying hard enough, are not intrinsically part of me at all and that in fact I have been trying harder than most would believe possible.

Thank you for sharing your experience. It helped.

 

[sun seeker]

Victory. There is only the tiniest urge in me to justify myself for saying that, explain why it wasn't really so bad, or say I'm exaggerating or lying. Tiny. And none at all to erase what I posted. That is indeed progress.

Victory.

 

[Chiqui]

So did I.

That's what I was pausing over. This is the first time I've admitted this so publicly....

I feel so happy for you!!!! Brave, congratulations!! I am here for you if you need to talk :) I am traveling tonight, but tomorrow I will be around!

 

[sun seeker]

Brave, congratulations!!

Thank you for the support. I can imagine you know what this feels like. Have a good trip, wherever you are going.

 

[Freedomfighter]

A few days ago I was talking with a friend I haven't talked to in a while, and told her a little abo...

Actually, that is the very center of a PTSD sufferer, the trauma that does not let go of your brain, no matter how long ago that trauma happened.

Just some days one thinks more, some less about it. However when first getting PTSD I remember that the trauma was repeated in my head all day long, all night long in dreams.

 

[Chiqui]

Thank you for the support. I can imagine you know what this feels like.
Have a good trip, wherever...

You are welcome.
I do know how it feels like, yes! And already safe at home.