Parts That Want Us Dead

[BlueOrange]

How to befriend an angry part when I don't like it or want it to be part of me?

'Slowly and gently' would be the first bit. And I find that these forums (among other places) are excellent practice. There are people here that I struggle to get along with - while I don't know that we would ever become friends, we do seem to have less combative, more productive relationships.

And... parts are like co-workers. You don't have to like them, and they don't have to be your best friends. You are, however, going to have to find a way to tolerate each other, and to achieve the things that the collective needs from you.

 

[scout86]

I've been thinking about the"pre- verbal" bit. Maybe different people experience this differently. Maybe VERY differently. But we aren't talking about DID, we're talking about different aspects of our personalities. I can understand how a "part" might have developed and gotten it's "job" at a point where it thought without words, so it wouldn't necessarily be explaining itself in thought type words. It's still part of your personality through. Maybe not a mature part, but I would guess it had access to your thoughts. In other words, seems like you could talk to it. Which doesn't mean that some parts of you wouldn't find things like curling up with a soft blanket and a cup of hot chocolate soothing. But this is your own brain you're talking about, seems like you can make up the rules and, if you want to talk to parts, you can.

 

[BlueOrange]

But we aren't talking about DID, we're talking about different aspects of our personalities

MAYBE :)

It is, indeed, perfectly normal to have 'parts' in the sense of 'aspects of personality'. You could also call them 'moods'. The thing that makes DID a disorder is when the parts are unable to operate harmoniously.

I know that I have DID because I have a part who is really good at programming a computer, while the part that I am right now is terrified of the part that programs a computer. (There's a belief that the programmer destroyed my first marriage, and will destroy my second marriage if given the chance. Meanwhile, the programmer knows that the only way to survive is to work at least 12 hours/day, 7 days/week. Writing this paragraph was stressful.)

In DID, it may be useful to distinguish between pre-verbal parts (that lack access to verbal skills because they are frozen in early childhood) and non-verbal parts (that lack access to verbal functions, because their role requires that they do not communicate verbally). I have pre-verbal and non-verbal parts.

 

[scout86]

Good points. And part of the reason we might experience this differently. Shimmerz doesn't actually have DID, so things might work differently for her than for you. I don't actually dissociate, so it may be different in other ways for me.

 

[shimmerz]

I know that I have DID because I have a part who is really good at programming a computer, while the part that I am right now is terrified of the part that programs a computer. (There's a belief that the programmer destroyed my first marriage, and will destroy my second marriage if given the chance. Meanwhile, the programmer knows that the only way to survive is to work at least 12 hours/day, 7 days/week. Writing this paragraph was stressful.)

This is the part that I lost as well. Programmer/IT Chick Ex-tra-ordinaire/Digital Forensics Specialist. I lost her in 5 minutes. Never to be seen again. She worked insane hours as well.

I used to insist that I was DID with my T-doc years back. He vehemently insisted over and over and over again that I was not. I am still not certain. The change was so sudden and drastic.

Structural Dissociation calls to me because of my co-consciousness - but I only think I am not DID because T-doc argued vehemently against my theory. I think he was a pretty smart guy.

DID or not; she sees no other out, and somehow I need to come up with one. Winter is fast approaching.

 

[shimmerz]

The thing that makes DID a disorder is when the parts are unable to operate harmoniously.

I thought DID was two ANP structures, rather than 1 with multiple EP's? Just my understanding. I would be interested in seeing this theory. Do you mind letting me know your sources? Just because I research like crazy, have never seen this take on DID and would love to see if anything in it resonates with me. Thanks @BlueOrange for your thoughts on this.

 

[sun seeker]

But this is your own brain you're talking about, seems like you can make up the rules and, if you want to talk to parts, you can.

I think it depends on the degree of dissociation. People with DDNOS are coconscious (aware of two or more parts at once) while people with DID have more rigid walls between one part and another. There are people who, when they are having a flashback or processing a traumatic memory from childhood, speak a language they spoke in childhood and have since forgotten. Then they get back into their adult personality(s) and can't speak the childhood language anymore.

 

[sun seeker]

somehow I need to come up with one. Winter is fast approaching

I know this is drastic and perhaps impractical, but how does she feel about unconventional living arrangements not involving houses? Tipis? Yurts? Treehouses? Campers? You can get a used camper with a space heater for pretty cheap. I can't believe I've never asked you this, don't know if it's a helpful direction at all.

 

[BlueOrange]

I thought DID was two ANP structures, rather than 1 with multiple EP's? Just my understanding. I would be interested in seeing this theory. Do you mind letting me know your sources?

I think we're operating from the same sources, just using slightly different language.

@scout86 made a perfectly valid point, which is that every person has 'aspects in their personality'. In an effort to dodge a semantic debate about the difference between an 'aspect' and a 'part', I used the word 'part' rather loosely. Now, it looks like I'm going to need to be more rigorous, because that loose usage has created a misunderstanding between us!

Let's accept the theory of structural dissociation, in which a normal person has one 'normal part', while a person with a disorder of structural dissociation has one or more 'apparently normal parts', and at least one 'emotional part'. If structural dissociation is true (and I believe it is), then there must be a difference between a 'part' and an 'aspect'.

The clue to what that difference is, is the treatment protocol in Structural Dissociation, which claims that disorders of SD can be completely resolved. The treatment protocol is to:
1) Stabilize
2) Treat the phobia of the traumatic facts
3) Treat the phobia of the traumatic feelings

Therefore, the most important difference between 'normal' and 'disordered' must be the presence of the phobia (because once you treat that phobia, you no longer have a disorder of SD). If a person who is normal only has one part, and the person who is disordered has 'things that seem just like aspects except that they have a phobia of each other', then we can define a 'part' as follows: An aspect that has a phobic relationship with another aspect, to the extent that a barrier is created between the aspects.

Barrier materials seem to vary, but some barriers that I'm aware of include:
- Capacity to access memories
- Capacity to access skills/competencies
- Capacity to manifest via emotional pathways (to 'feel sad' for instance)
- Control of specific muscles or muscle groups

 

[shimmerz]

There were years (with the PTSD) that I longed for a camper/trailer. However, given my crippling confusion when I don't have a 'direction' of where to go - another double bind. I seem to be stuck in them. It is like, if I have this which would solve problem A I have another debilitating trigger that stops me from addressing that.

I am not certain if this is because at the time of wounding that I didn't have other options so I can't see clear to them now? Idk.

 

[shimmerz]

- Capacity to access memories
- Capacity to access skills/competencies
- Capacity to manifest via emotional pathways (to 'feel sad' for instance)
- Control of specific muscles or muscle groups

1. Skills/competencies - check
2. manifest via emotional pathways (no idea what this means - so add stupidity to the list willya?)
3. Control muscles - I am guessing you mean lack thereof - if so - check

Doesn't look good does it?

What's up with the co-consciousness then BlueOrange?

 

[BlueOrange]

I am not certain if this is because at the time of wounding that I didn't have other options so I can't see clear to them now?

That theory makes a lot of sense to me. Zen Buddhists have a saying, "We cannot perceive in others that which does not exist in ourselves." It seems to me that nobody is able to take stuff into their minds if it doesn't fit with their 'perception filters' (for want of a better term) - that there has to be a mind-structure that is able to adjust itself to fit the new thing, if the new thing is going to be accommodated in the mind.

Theorizing wildly now, it's conceivable that 'parts' might actually have a biological correlation to 'formations of neurons' (not regions, but connected groups - just like you and I are connected people, even though we are not in the same geography). If that were the case, then we could theorize that PTSD forms when a memory must be stored (due to overwhelming life-and-death significance), but there is not a formation of neurons that is compatible with the memory to be stored. If THAT is the case, then what might happen is the creation of a brand-new formation of neurons that is not well-connected to the other neurons. If THAT ALSO is the case, then it seems to explain a lot of my symptoms.

There's a lot of 'if' statements there.

Bringing it back to what you're saying, we can say that 'coming up with a plan' is an act of imagination that connects the current situation to an imagined future situation. If the neuronal pathways between these formations don't exist (perhaps, pushing the internet metaphor further, if they are using different DNS servers?) then the act of imagination is impossible.

We could, however, build connections between the formations. First we have to know that they exist, and to get clues about them. Then we find ways to share ideas across the gap. Presumably, over time, the bridges would get stronger and wider.