I think you are misunderstanding all that goes on to do with this.
Its not about who I am.
I doubt most people are able to deal with the symptoms unchecked. People want physical and emotional contact. They need what they need and sometimes there is nothing left to give. They don't want to see someone agitated, distressed, depressed, dissociated. People with PTSD have to try to control the symptoms all the time and thats exhausting. Contact of all types can potentially hold triggers or at times hold stressors. Stressors fill the ptsd cup and make symptoms more likely. That can mean harm even if its not intended.
Distance for me means filtering potential stressors etc which means more safety and it means NOT having to hide tone of voice, body language etc. There can be so much happening in my brain that dealing with someone else too can be too much.
There are more complex risks with contact and emotional intimacy for some people who have had a history of interpersonal harm from those who they have been emotionally connected to but I don't have the energy to try to put those into words right now.
Here is a messy analogy I have used before. Fighting the PTSD can feel a bit like walking a tightrope over an open fire and dodging random things and weapons thrown at one. In a howling gusty unpredictable wind. All the time. Speaking to people and interacting with people means doing all this without the other person realising too much and ducking diving and balancing all the time internally. Sometimes that ducking and diving doesn't just feel metaphorical. If reliving/flashbacks happen then it can be literal. Lets say someones trauma was being shot. Imagine trying to interact with someone normally whilst part of one is literally experiencing being shot.
Being away from people reduces the amount of things one needs to juggle and allows a little control over what one can handle at any one time. Writing is easier than talking and doesn't involve eye contact and body language.
Not saying its easy or OK to be on the receiving end of this of course. Or that it excuses poor management or communication of what is happening. Just putting forward a description of what can be happening from the other side.
