My Never-ending Degree

[Lisse]

Hi everyone,

I am new to this forum. I have been trying to get my degree for 4 years now and had also tried to get a degree when I was younger but dropped out. I thought it was because I wasn't passionate about my first course but it's actually more to do with not being able to cope with stress.
There has been a pattern I have noticed over the years - I will either get distinctions or fail miserably from being overwhelmed and I'll be unable to retain course content. This is because I regularly disassociate. Recently, I was diagnosed with PTSD after dealing with it for most of my life but not realising. I thought I just had anxiety and I have been dealing with it privately. I have been disassociating pretty much since I was a child and didn't realise this was what I was doing. So thankful to know now. I am nearly 30!! I am thankful I have survived for this long. It has held me back from achieving my goals and made me feel like a huge failure leading to depression.
I just need someone I can talk to about this as my family are not aware that I suffer PTSD. I have suppressed a lot of memories and I am scared of going into the past to confront these memories. I am really scared. I need support. I really need support from my university too.

Any advice?

Thanks.

 

[hodge]

Welcome, Lisse.

Does your university have a health service? When I was in uni, I went through a bad patch of anxiety and panic attacks and got therapy and an anti-anxiety med through my uni's health service, which was included in the tuition, so no extra cost. I hope that's an option for you.

 

[trying to heal]

Hi everyone,

I am new to this forum. I have been trying to get my degree for 4 years now and had also tr...

I can very much relate to most of what you posted. I can't help out much with the family side as I'm in a similar boat and have no idea how to even begin approaching that stuff.

Uni stuff... I am about to start my 5th and hopefully, the final year of my 2nd degree and I'm 40... depending on what uni you are at most of the ones I've either been to or friends have been to have an excellent disabilities section which will give you a huge amount of support. Try contacting your student services department and ask to find out more about what they have to offer. Also, try and get into a student services advisor. They will usually help you with any late withdrawals or issues with class clashes and just overall help if you feel like you are struggling.

I hope you find some help and support

 

[Lisse]

Welcome, Lisse.

Does your university have a health service? When I was in uni, I went through a bad patch...

Thanks for replying!! I will look into it. I am happy to hear that other people have successfully gotten through their degrees like yourself. Did the medication significantly help you?

 

[Lisse]

I can very much relate to most of what you posted. I can't help out much with the family side as I'm i...

Thank you so much for responding. This makes me feel a lot better knowing there are people who understand. I have recently been doing summer school and I am past the withdrawal dates but I just can't cope with catching up with two subjects. I had some pretty bad nightmares that threw me off for weeks. I didn't know how to get my mind focused. I am focused now, but it's hard catching up with work in shorter amounts of time. A student services advisor sounds really ideal.

Were you able to get extensions?

Best of luck with the family stuff too. It is very hard to even approach that I agree!! And great job on doing your second degree!!

 

[hodge]

Yes, Lisse, the anti-anxiety med (Ativan) definitely helped me calm down so I could concentrate.

 

[trying to heal]

Thank you so much for responding. This makes me feel a lot better knowing there are people who understand...

At my uni i have a disability liason who has set up a whole lot of reasonable adjustments which means i get automatic extensions on all my assessments as well as extra time in all exams. Also if i am not well or not coping i can leave class at anytime and still be counted as attended. It definitely takes some of the pressure off. I've had to repeat a couple of subjects due to bad health and severe anxiety and even failed a subject because i had a panic attack in the middle of the exam. Ive been working with my T on this stuff and we managed to get me through this last semester and then we started dealing with some past trauma and i pretty much unraveled and have been spiralling ever since.

I hope you are able to get back on track with your uni stuff. With the right support it is doable.

 

[EmmaOwl]

@Lisse - There should be an "Office of Disability Services" or "Disability Affairs", something like that. In the U.S., there is generally someone called an ombudsman who can help you interact with the other departments. I suggest going on your school's website and see if you can find either of those things - or ideally both - and get in touch as soon as you can, so you can begin to arrange any support that you might need.

These things are separate from doctors and meds and therapy services. They will help you with arranging any accommodations that your medical professionals recommend. For example, someone at your school ought to be able to arrange things so that you don't have to go one-on-one explaining and asking each individual professor for help such as extensions, etc.

I hope this helps - good luck!

 

[Deleted member 38644]

I think you posted this for some of everybody including me! This is my 5th year struggling and I didn't know it either until somebody sat me down last year and discussed it with me. You took the words from my mouth!

 

[Lisse]

At my uni i have a disability liason who has set up a whole lot of reasonable adjustments which means...

Thank you so much for replying. It's really encouraging to hear that your university is supportive and understanding. I just assumed I was not very studious or wasn't trying hard enough. I feel relieved to know that you have had support. Very sorry to hear you are spiralling. <3 I understand.

 

[Lisse]

@Lisse - There should be an "Office of Disability Services" or "Disability Affairs"...

Thank you!! I will most definitely contact the uni to see what support they offer. Appreciate your time to reply!

 

[Lisse]

I think you posted this for some of everybody including me! This is my 5th year struggling and I...

I thought I was the only one who found uni very difficult!! Thanks for your response.
I study online in order to avoid going to campus and getting triggered. But I still disassociate a lot, which makes it very hard.
How long have u got left? Good on u for continuing on. It takes a lot of resilience to keep going when it's very difficult to cope with.
I am trying to change my attitude towards university and not let it dictate how I define myself.
I am going to finish because it's a goal of mine to show myself I can do it. It's just taking longer than expected :)
All the best with your studies!!