Relationship Need Perspective

[Wtfiswrong]

I broke up with my boyfriend who has c-ptsd last night. He had no emotion. As I broke up with him he has an episode with his abusers ( parents) on the phone. He completely shut down. Said I forced him to stay and he should have ended it Sooner. I am the one who was breaking up/ confronting him about talking to girls on social media.

He didn't care we have been together over a year and half and he let me pack up all my stuff and leave without saying a word. Not even a sorry or a goodbye. Like literally let me pack and leave and not a word.

No contact in 4 days.

Perspective please

 

[mbrady]

Speaking as one whose parents were the abusers too I can relate to shutting down. It's a common thing with us. And in my case I started shutting down with my wife too. If things got too heated or I feel I totally put myself out there and then was trampled on it's instant shut down mode.
It may help you to know that it is a defense mechanism for "protecting" ones self from being abused.

 

[Wtfiswrong]

I get it. But how do you maintain a healthy relationship that way?

 

[Friday]

I agree with him that he should have ended to rather than be f*cking around on you.

As far as you forced him to stay? I rather doubt that. Possible, but unless you've just conveniently forgotten to mention having shackled him in a prison, it was his choice to stay.

As for the rest, I would ask yourself what you really want. Do you want to break up and move on with your life, or do you want to exact revenge and punish him for hurting you? I'm not personally a big fan of the second one, I don't like BS emotional games / when I'm done I'm done / no one I leave has anything further to fear from me; although it's a pretty natural response to want to exact pain on people who've hurt you. & a lot of people really seem to enjoy watching other people suffer / if there aren't visible signs of suffering take it as an insult. I don't grok that. I would far rather end things amicably. But most people do it.

 

[mbrady]

Our relationship has had its healthy and unhealthy highs and lows. Sometimes just loving the person isn't enough. I am committed to my wife till death. She is a patient person but lately has not been kind to me.

 

[Wtfiswrong]

I agree with him that he should have ended to rather than be f*cking around on you.

As far as you force...

My goal isn't to plot revenge. But i also feel pretty shitty right now.

It's not okay to not be willing to have a conversation with someone you spent the last year and half with. Ptsd or not he is a grown man and regardless of the outcome I deserve some sort of respect.

 

[Friday]

I deserve some sort of respect

Agreed.

But I thought that was why you were breaking up with him? Because he wasn't respecting you? Why would you think if he wasn't respecting you before, that breaking up with him would make him start respecting you as you wish to be?

 

[Justmehere]

The good thing is that now you are free of this relationship and you can go find the right partner for you who will show you the respect you deserve,

 

[TheMinsterman]

I agree with the others, you have to remember that a relationship is a two way street and BOTH parties deserve understanding and respect, and to have their needs fulfilled. It sounds like yours weren't being, supporters can (from what I've read and know from my own feelings) be quite willing to bend and adapt to certain behaviours, for a time, but it sounds like you're not willing to make those compromises (and that isn't a dig, you have every right to decided what YOU want, it's not all about them).

Others are right, "forcing him to stay" is such a cop out bullshit thing to stay, people with PTSD aren't useless feeble idiots with no ability to make any choices, if you were such an overbearing tyrant he could have broken things off still. For instance, my current girlfriend (for now) has been given chance after chance to break things off with me, and hasn't (bear in mind we're long distance so all she need do is block me and I go away instantly), so if I heard the same thing I wouldn't be standing for it. I doubt you made it impossible for him to leave, it's just something people say to feel better "yeah well, I never wanted you anyway!".

 

[scout86]

Just a couple thoughts. You said he had no emotions. Wouldn't it be more accurate too say that he didn't show any emotions you recognized? Do you really have a way to know, for sure, what he felt?

If I understood right, you said you were leaving but are upset that he didn't try to stop you? That's a little confusing to me. In my version of reality, when someone decides to leave, the appropriate thing to do is stay out of their way. Maybe help, if it seems like they want it, but it seems like everyone has a right to leave freely, if that's their choice.

What did you want him to do? Do you have evidence that he knew what you wanted him to do?

 

[Wtfiswrong]

Just a couple thoughts. You said he had no emotions. Wouldn't it be more accurate too say that he didn'...

You raise valid points. I didn't have an ideal response I wanted. But , I did want to be acknowledged.

This relationship had been very emotional on both of us with a lot of love and spiritual connections at points.

It hurt me that he let me leave knowing I felt at my worst ever about the relationship. He let me leave knowing in my mind I felt like he never cared, which is something I had said I had felt through out the relationship. It was like he took my worst fear in the relationship and confirmed it.

It just seemed cruel. I don't know if he see's it that way. I don't know what he thinks at all. If he even thinks of It at all.

 

[Wtfiswrong]

Agreed.

But I thought that was why you were breaking up with him? Because he wasn't respecting you? Wh...

Valid point. But, I mean he has been capable of being a normal human who shows emotion, compassion and feelings. There was love in the relationship