Is my vet's ptsd to blame for my sons behavior?

[Isuter]

bullying and being snobby however, is not.

2 PTSD sufferers. Both don't trust people. Both have been let down by them.

People can't be trusted - because - They're mean & scary! :eek:
People can't be trusted - because - They're stupid & incompetent! :mad:

Exactly how is it helpful to label the 2nd as not only nothing to do PTSD or trauma, but bullying and snobbery?

NEITHER is a fantastic view of mankind. But can you imagine the shitstorm if every time someone's spouse was scared, the response was "That's not PTSD. That's just a self centered whiny little bitch. Kick her to the curb."

 

[Naga]

I have read and re read your post, and I am feeling quite confused. I feel misunderstood, but I could be misunderstanding, or I could have communicated poorly.

My statement

People can't be trusted is a part of PTSD, bullying and being snobby however, is not.

Did not single out person 1 or person 2 but encompassed both types. In fact I can relate to both types of people depending on what aspect of life is involved.

It was a response to this statement, although I did miss quote and say bullying instead of bossy.

His father because of his PTSD can also be quite snobby and bossy and taking risks.

In no way was I doing this. If I came across that way, I can assure you, it was not intentional.

Exactly how is it helpful to label the 2nd as not only nothing to do PTSD or trauma, but bullying and snobbery?

IMHO it is a personality trait. it might be exaggerated by the PTSD but it is still a personality trait not a symptom.

 

[Ekek]

Because of his PTSD he thinks that other people are sheeple and that he is smarter then them. That makes him snobby and at times also bossy,

1. I have PTSD.
2. I don't call people sheeple.
3. I am not snobby.
4. I am not bossy.
So let's drop the PTSD references unless you are speaking about common symptoms of PTSD. Like raging, like running from the home, like sleeping in doorways because someone can't sleep in bed, like how flashbacks affect him and affecting your son.

You don't go to a therapist for PTSD because you call people sheeple.

 

[Ojini]

^^^ With all due respect, some of these traits are common in combat vets. Just because you don't do them doesn't mean they aren't a product of PTSD, military conditioning, and/or being in combat. Not everybody has the same reactions to stressors or triggers.

 

[Azo]

PTSD symptoms require therapy in order to break maladaptive pathways in the brain that are hard wired to keep the body safe at just about any cost.

Calling people sheeple, and even being bossy, is not. It's bad manners. It is rude. It's indicates (to me) arrogance.

The point I am trying to make is that by wrapping these behaviours into PTSD, it is giving the sufferer power to be rude because it is mistakenly being labeled as a disorder. Disorders need therapy. Rudeness needs to be called out as, well, rude.

 

[Sinine]

I feel like this is something of a rerun of a common 'discussion' on the forums. If someone's freeze/flight/fight reflex is triggered we tend to be ok with flight or freeze but we consider a fight response aggression or even abuse. When the reflex is triggered inappropriately (ie: PTSD) we are even less tolerant of a fight response.

The OP knows her husband. His 'bossiness' may be a need to control due to anxiety. His comments about sheeple may be wry taken in context rather than rude. The fact that the little bloke is imitating his dad seems pretty normal to me.

 

[Wigulo]

Clearly, the OP is more interested in placing "blame" for the child's behavior rather than solving the problem. Justifications just keep coming so she can "blame" her spouse. Sort of floors me cuz he's the father of her children and she picked him as a partner.

 

[Ciwa]

Sort of floors me cuz he's the father of her children and she picked him as a partner.

He's a vet. People come back different from war. Not all supporters went willingly into PTSD relationships. They had their relationships morph into one. Not all supporters chose to have children with their sufferers. They had children already, and now have to deal with their wellbeing also.

She is asking questions to learn. She sees her child mirroring behaviors she associates with her husband's stress reactions. To me, they sound like legitimate questions to ask.

As upsetting/triggering as it may be for some sufferers to read about, the truth is, a parent's mental state can greatly impact their children. As the "healthy" partner/co-parent, it's a huge priority for supporters to protect their kids as much as possible from that impact.

 

[Apuza]

As upsetting/triggering as it may be for some sufferers to read about, the truth is, a parent's mental state can greatly impact their children.

This is why I suggested the family climbing outings.
If indeed the young man is emulating his father's behaviour, I think it would be a good idea to have dad and son in a place that encourages good productive behaviour from the father for the son to emulate.

She is asking questions to learn. She sees her child mirroring behaviors she associates with her husband's stress reactions. To me, they sound like legitimate questions to ask.

That's what I got from the OP as well. I don't sense condescension in what she's asking.

Sounds like a mother performing diligence in her role as a parent. Usually something to be encouraged.

I like seeing due diligence, "sheeple" don't often do due diligence. ;)

 

[Arule]

My sufferer also has a lot of contempt for what he considers, I guess, the herd or mob mentality (his favorite is lemmings, rather than sheeple, though. :chicken:). It comes out infinitely worse when he's symptomatic. He's also not in treatment (and has had minimal treatment in the past), and does not have the tools to deal with anything when he is symptomatic.

When he's not symptomatic? He can curb the arrogance, and realizes that everyone is different, and just because someone doesn't think like him, doesn't have the same life experiences as him, it's ok. He may have knowledge in one area, but someone else has knowledge in another, and that is valid. Politics don't matter, all men are created equal, and equality issues of race, gender, and sexuality are important.

When he's symptomatic? All filters (and it seems, positive opinions) are gone. I'm an idiot lemming for having a college education (and I "look down on" him for not having one...spoiler: I don't actually look down on him, never have, never even suggested it). Anyone who has any beliefs of any major political party is a lemming (And shill. And libtard, if liberal...ironically, conservative folks are still ok). Racism is dead, and anyone who claims otherwise is keeping it alive (and is a lemming). Anyone who makes a big deal out of gender is a lemming. Anyone not him has no idea what it's like to suffer (and he'll even rail about other people with PTSD "faking" or something...I usually stop paying attention to the rants).

Is he an arrogant asshole all the time? Nope, only when he's symptomatic. Can he control it when he's symptomatic? I don't know, I'm not in his head. But from what I've read here, probably not; he can only control what he does when he's not symptomatic. What is the symptom coming out when he's in arrogant asshole mode? Probably negative core beliefs, but, I don't know.

My point is - for every person here who has a handle on their PTSD and "would never" become a raging asshole when symptomatic, there is someone else who does. Considering how often I see "We're not all alike! Never compare us!" I find it ironic that I also see "I would never do that!" so therefor, neither should anyone else.

And this is the crux of it:

The fact that the little bloke is imitating his dad seems pretty normal to me.

Kids imitate the people they look up to. They absorb a LOT more than we realize. He KNOWS PTSD is a spectre in his world, and it is not a good thing. It really does sound like he's a kid, in a troubled family, trying to make his way in a world he doesn't understand yet. Does PTSD touch him and affect his behavior? How could it not? My advice? Get the whole family into therapy, together.

 

[Adis]

Ditto to every word Arule said. My vet's trigger response is fight, not flight, every. single. time. Not to mention the hardcore cynicism he brought back from combat. With that being said, it's hard for me (as an adult and a supporter) to always be okay with my vet's lashing out "fight" reaction when triggered. I can't imagine trying to wrap my head around that as a child. As cheesy/not easy as this may sound.....maybe consider ways (or tools) to keep his self-image, and world view/view of others in a good place.

 

[Osut]

Sounds like you have a lovely little boy. Each child is an individual and some are more active than others and not every child fits the "mold" in a particular classroom. Instead of his preschool teacher crushing his love of school and learning, have you considered a different school? Out of my four, I had one that was very active and we found a Montessori school a better fit Also, to get the climbing bug under control, perhaps a gymnastics class? What about indoor rock climbing as a family? Children at that age are all about the "rules" and demonstrating proper venues and procedures for climbing might help.